TW : Sexual Abuse

Tw : Sexual abuse

This is my first time openly accepting my past. It's really difficult for me to write this. 

I WISH I KNEW

I was 7 years old, playing with dolls, toys and enjoying chocolates; 

But who knew that I'd myself become someone's toy in later stages of my life. 

I loved visiting this temple where my grandparents stayed for a while; 

But who knew that I'd make excuses to avoid visiting it later. 

I loved playing with a student pandit, even my parents liked him; 

But who knew staying alone with him would fall my world apart. 

I was innocent, just a kid beginning to explore the world; 

But who knew that my innocence would be snatched away to the extent that I started hating myself. 

I always believed in my strength, I was sure no one dared to touch me; 

But who knew that I'd not even be able to speak (let alone scream) at the very moment. 

I loved sleeping, I could even sleep with drums playing near me; 

But who knew that I'd ever need a soothing music and exercises to cure my sleepless nights. 

I loved school, you know it's exciting to learn new things and make friends; 

But who knew that even this place would leave me with traumatizing memories. 

I was very talkative and loved making friends (regardless of gender) ;

But who knew that I'd see it as the biggest mistake of my life. 

I used to have great dreams, either funny or lovely, I enjoyed them; 

But who knew that these people would even haunt me in my dreams, to the extent that I was afraid to sleep. 

I could cry easily, either for toys or for bullying my sister; 

But who knew that later in my life, I'd hide my tears with a smile every single second. 

*There's more of it but I can't right now.. maybe later. 

Thank you for reading till the end.