i dont like growing up

I'm mature, I've been told. For my age and for my peers. I've been pressured my whole life to continue this, by myself and my family and fine, until it starts to backfire- I now have a friend group all a grade or two above me because I find myself bored with my grade and people closest to my age, and I also recently learned that high maturity also happens because of childhood trauma! yay! I won't get into that but I definitely have more older friends than younger. 

So this is nice, I found friends where I'm with my academic level and maturity level, until my brain went "actually we need to go back to being a kid, that feels more safe than this lifetime of anxiety i think I'm gonna have now" and I had a scary experience with age regression for about an hour and my friends didn't know how to help, I thought I was ten and i was so confused but still knew I wasn't actually ten. Not DID, I still remember all of it which I believe isn't something that happens much with DID. so I'm wanting to grow up and escape my house but I'm doing it too fast and it feels like I'm being pulled in two different directions, be a safe happy kid and forget about my anger towards my dad or grow up and get out? I still have a couple years at home, I can't. Neither is a good option, but both are what I want.

And now comes Halloween. Im a bit old but I still have a year of trick or treating in me I know. But my friends are either doing nothing or going on single dates and these are my only friends, there are others but I don't trust them at all and I'm masking so hard around them. 

I want to at least do something with my friends, the ones that aren't going on dates, but i feel anxious and overwhelmed with asking because it's just three of us left, my boyfriend and my cousin. i don't want my cousin to feel like a third wheel but I want my boyfriend to be there, he's still both me and my cousin's (my cousin is also my best friend) friends

I'm just too young for this and too old and too scared and too skfnfbfjdekirirjsjejr I don't know