i’m a self-sabotaging monster and cannot be stopped. help.
hello 7cups community,
i’m just going to vent a little in this post, please feel free to comment if you have felt the same way, or if you have any tips or supportive words, i would appreciate them a whole lot.
today i self sabotaged in a way i feel just too ashamed to even write about, and it wasn’t that big of a deal. i didn’t hurt anyone except myself. i basically ruined my entire day and feel very defeated and hurt. last night i decided to skip sleep entirely for some peaceful alone time but it ruined my entire day today. even though i knew that avoiding sleep would affect the day after, i just… did it anyway. this is something i’ve been struggling with for a very long time and i just don’t even know how i’m supposed to really forgive myself anymore. it’s like forgiveness has no effect on me at all.
i’ve been really anxious, and stressed about some upcoming changes that i need to push myself through to make it all work out and i’m terribly afraid i’ll screw up. i just can’t accept the fact that i may screw this up, because it might just be my ticket to a much better place, and i can’t imagine somehow losing this opportunity. so it’s been stressing me out more than anything. and today i self sabotaged my whole day and i can’t help but feel like it’s a much bigger problem than it really is. there’s always tomorrow. but just the fact that i’ve screwed up today, yesterday, the day before, the week before, several months before, makes me feel like i’m some kind of monster. and i literally can’t stop myself.
i can’t stand myself and i feel ashamed of basically my whole past. i don’t know how i’m supposed to forgive myself and just accept myself as i am. i’ve tried but i can never sustain contentment with myself. i want to improve and i want to do better tomorrow, today, right now. but i’m so far down this rabbit hole and i don’t know where to go to find the surface again. i’m so lost, lonely, and sad.
that’s all for my vent. thank you if you read all of it, and if you leave any comment. i wish you all many blessings.
@peaceandblessings
Hello, I’m sorry you are feeling this way and are having difficulty forgiving yourself. You are not alone, so many others struggle with this as well. I also struggle with this sometimes. I can remember many days when I have felt frustrated with myself for “wasting” the day and having difficulty forgiving myself for that. One thing that helps me sometimes is considering how I would react if a friend told me they were struggling with this same situation. I would not hold this against them and would encourage them to forgive themselves. Therefore I should apply this same sympathy to myself. Although this is easier said than done. But again, your feelings are valid and you are doing great and give yourself some credit if possible.
Take care!
Hi. I can really relate to this, currently still up at 5 am with no sleep and school in four hours. Do you actively avoid sleep or do you have insomnia? Both i get, and man are they frustrating. Also frustrating is knowing you can and how to do better, but still self sabotaging. I’m not in a good mental place currently, but earlier this year I was the least depressed i’d been for years, which was due to medical help and a lot of support from friends. My point being, you won’t feel like this forever and there’s always support for you somewhere.
Wishing you the best!