just struggling..
hey everyone. i haven’t been on this app in a few years, but i’m just really struggling and i feel like i need a community of people who can relate.
i have bipolar 2, anxiety disorder with panic attacks, and i think i may be a hypochondriac. (does thinking i’m a hypochondriac make me sound more like a hypochondriac? 😅) over the past few months, i’ve had one fingernail with pitting that keeps peeling off and doesn’t seem to be healing. i decided to get some blood work done to check and make sure everything i don’t have a vitamin deficiency, which i am prone to.
everything in my bloodwork came back fine, except my pituitary gland function.
for a little back story, physical health issues scare the crap out of me. i’d rather die suddenly than to live the rest of my days knowing i having a life threatening illness. the thought of medical procedures really really terrifies me.
so today, i got a call from my doctor. as soon as their name popped up on caller ID, my heart dropped, my body felt very hot, i started sweating, hyperventilating a bit, and my hands were shaking so bad it took a couple of times to answer.
i took the call and tried to remain calm and think logically so i could still gather info i needed and ask necessary questions. but holy cow, i’m just so drained after that. this was around noon today, and even 6 hours later, i’m drifting in and out of disassociation, and i just feel numb and tired.
panic attacks are always so scary. i know im okay and im able to ground myself and pull myself out of it. but then its like i get flooded with emotions like guilt and stupidity and anger towards myself afterwards. and then im just numb for the rest of the day and what ive always called “autopilot”.
im just tired. i hope anyone else who suffers with similar issues knows that they aren’t alone. it’s a bad day, not a bad life. 💕💕
@BritTheOriginal hey there, hope you're doing better<3
It is very understandable to feel certain type of emotions towards self once we are out of that panic response and ofcourse it is so draining cause it takes all the strength of our heart and soul to be able to just get by those few moments which seems like forever.
It is to carry a mountain that nobody sees, one that vanishes after we make it but that doesn't mean the strength with which you held it all up isn't worth praising. I wanna say I'm proud of you for trying to keep your calm, for staying focused and for making it through. Love your positive attitude<3
Hi, I totally relate to your struggles and have been there too, very often. I wouldn't say you're a hypochondriac, which is when people think they are ill when they're not, but you have health anxiety, a fear of serious illness. One of the big problems with health anxiety is it's a vicious circle, because when we are anxious our body goes into fight or flight mode. This is how all animals, ourselves included, deal with a threat, whether it's real or perceived. When we're in fight or flight, the body prepares to run or fight so it tenses up muscles, it puts things like digestion on hold, and pumps blood around our body quicker. So too much anxiety gives us symptoms (for example, headaches, IBS, aches and pains, etc etc) which we then worry about in turn, and so on.
Things that have helped me are (1) exercise at least 3 times a day, it doesn't have to be long or vigorous but exercise triggers the calming brain chemicals and uses up the anxiety-provoking ones. (2) Breathing exercises, can take the edge off and help ground you (3) saying to yourself and knowing, 'this too will pass', letting the anxiety wash over you like a wave rather than battling it (4) If you can, get hugs, stroke a pet, or even just hug or stroke yourself, as this also releases the feel good brain chemicals. I also like to try to channel an "inner hero", a defiant and strong inner voice, and put her in charge inside my head.
When you're deep in this situation it's hard to imagine you'll ever feel strong, but you can and you will, so hang in there 💪🏻