Breakups

@rene9250

Hi. Breakups are difficult and guilt is a huge component of grieving a lost relationship.

You mentioned being the person who did the breaking up. I think I would encourage you to look at the reasons that drove you to make that decision everytime you find yourself pondering about getting back with him.

Being in a relationship with someone just because you are unable to stay on your own is never a healthy basis to start a long-term and successful relationship. Also, it's unfair to the other person. If you're feeling guilty now about all that happened between you two, imagine the guilt you would feel to break up with him later on once you feel you no longer need him. Please do not give him hope that this is a relationship you want, only to realize you made a mistake and break up with him again. A decision to get back together should be rational rather than emotional.

No one is perfect, and no relationship is perfect. It's natural to make mistakes and we most likely will end up hurting the people who love us the most. There are ways to rectify matters and build up connection after damage, but other times we need to let go. You and your ex decide this - whether it's something worth working on or its better for the two of you to be apart.

The problems you mentioned having will never be fully fixed by someone else. If you do not work to improve these things in yourself, then that person's love will only be a pacifier for the pain, and that doesn't create a love-inducing environment. No one can make you happy. Please know that. Being in a relationship is amazing, and can boost our confidence, but only for so long. As you mentioned, your insecurities were a contributor to the detoriation of the relationship. This proves that there's so much more internal work to be done. Insecurities are exhausting for both parties in a relationship. It is a difficult and long path but its only you who can do the work. Please, never put your worth in someone else's hands. It such a weakening position to operate from.

This is going to be a difficult time but you can do it. Take this time to work on the areas in you that you do not like and wish to improve. Work on a skill you are ineterested in. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. This is key. Identify what your values are, and montior whether you are living your life according to these values. This will help you build a lot of confidence. Achieve things you thought you couldn't. Change the internal monologue and practice thought stopping when you are harsh to yourself. Surround yourself with people who love you and see your worth. There's no time or energy for people who drain us and make us feel unloved. Write a list of your good qualities. Establish a goal, if you want to, and work towards it. Before doing something, ask yourself: Would a person who valued themselves do this?

I'm not saying you cannot be in a relationship until you're 100% healed. What I'm saying is, a relationship should never stop you from working on yourself. Being with someone requires a lot of effort. Choosing to love requires effort and patience.

If crying is too painful for you, try to relieve yourself of the sadness and grief in other ways. It could be through any activity you enjoy like sports, or a hobby, writing, listening to music, etc.

I hope this helps you. It's going to be a difficult time, Losing someone we love is never easy but you will be able to get through with time and hard work.

Best wishes.