Spiraling and I can't stop? Any advice needed

I have tests but it seems like I've completely broken, I can't even push myself to look at the review sheet.

I've heard that some people are motivated by fear to study, and that was me, but lately it seems like I've broken. Most times when studying I'm like a clenched fist, my mind constantly repeating "I'm doing this so I don't fail the class and have to take it again and be humiliated and have my parents scrutinize my value and ability based on this grade" Doing something I don't care for based solely on shame. All the rude things people would say about my progress and ability would permeate and I'd only take breaks just to cry when I was focusing more on the taunting than the task at hand. For some while it worked, because I had one positive thing I was interested in related to some of my studies and wanted to study harder so I connect the two for a hands on experience, but lately it feels like I'm pushing a boulder uphill when It's been nearly two years now and I'm still none the wiser. I still have school, but now I've lost faith in what made it bearable in the first place, believing that everyone was right and I really can't achieve my goal. At that point, I'm just left with the fear, and I just can't function with it alone. I can't even put a pencil to the page if I'm convinced I'm going to fail and be humiliated anyway, and that failure has too much pressure onto it. My parents don't have money to spare for summer school, each year I'm even further from my goals, Another year of people viewing me as comical and worthless, "the person you look at and feel better about yourself when you see".. Once I get stuck on a problem it's like an atomic bomb of scenarios go off in my head and I have to sit back for hours to get myself calm again.

I want to get back up, but knowing how many times I've done that and fell right back down doesn't motivate me at all. It doesn't help when I've actually heard someone besides my mind tell me it's hopeless, and I'm just innately bad, I tried to maintain a growth mindset but when people say those things to me it feels like I'm stuck in a steel chamber, suffocating as my goals struggle to push past the barriers. I try to avoid comparing myself to others, but I hate having people use me to boost their egos, I wish at the very least if I'm as useless as everyone says I could be truly ignored.

It feels embarrassing. I'm tired of working hard when people consider my efforts trivial and I'm not even feeling personally accomplished when I'm so far from where I want to be, now I'm just doing it so people don't have more to call me a failure for. I think the external discouragement was the first thing that led me into this rabbit hole, so any advice on managing that would be helpful as well.

I wish I could just say "Never give up!" And get the pep back, but I feel like I've failed too much to say that anymore when even other people are mocking me and my progress is just so much smaller than I could've imagined when I first began. How do I truly maintain this belief that there's always another chance, through thick and thin?