Unsupportive Friend
I hate how when my friend, who suffers from anxiety as well, expects support and understanding when shes having a rough time- but when I do, all I get is tough love.
Like, I need to get a job, and I know I have to apply- but Im going tomorrow, so that means Im going to spend the next 20 hours trying to not think of it because I dont want to have a panic attack. So I messaged my friend, thinking shed get why I was having trouble since just yesterday she lost a night of sleep because of a panic attack and had to miss school. NOPE. All she had to say to me was I need to get out and work. Like I know that, and I get that, and I wish it werent such an issue for me- but thats not what I needed. When shes panicked, I try to reassure her, tell her its okay, itll pass. Its not your fault you feel this way, just try to breathe and relax, itll pass. But when I tell her Im staring down the barrel of 20 hours at a high level of anxiety, she basically tells me to get over it. I know I have to fight my anxiety but Im wasnt looking for advice, I was looking for comfort. Someone who knows what Im feeling to say they understand.
@writerchick88 I get what you
@DominecaaLPC Exactly. Like I know what I need to do. I know I can't always live in fear and I know I have to work- but I go to her for empathy and not advice. Like whenever someone tells me that I need to just push past it, I'm reminded of this comic:
I know that its often hard to know what to say when you're faced with someone who's struggling but "just get over" or "stop being sad" or "just feel {opposite emotion}", it just give me that knee jerk reaction of "OH THANKS. I had NO idea that I could just stop feeling this way. Thanks for pointing that out."
I don't think it would aggravate me as much if it weren't for the fact that I know she deals with same issues and expects empathy. Like its clear she's just not someone I can talk to about it.
@writerchick88 that comic is perfect for the theme of the convo! I
@writerchick88 I understand what you are saying.
If you write. I would write out all the scenarios you can think of, to be prepared either way you go. However listen to your favorite music or what you to keep you calm.
I know how it is, I lost my high school friend years ago because the didn't help me when I needed, but wanted help when they were down.
@Rebekahwriter13
that is really hurting, a friend should be someone to be there for you when you need them not only when they need you.
@writerchick88
That's really unfortunate that your friend may not know how to be as supportive as you know how to be to her. Maybe whenever she has panic attacks -- this is what other people tell her or the kind of advice she's been given in the past -- so she may actually be telling you what she thinks is the best thing to say. She might not have the same understanding that you have when it comes to OTHER people have anxiety around her and may only know what it is like when SHE HAS ANXIETY. Perhaps you can tell her in those times or afterwards -- hey, it might be better if you "said this to ______ instead during times when I have anxiety" as opposed to "just go out there and do it / deal with it / whatever else she may seem to say ______" so she can be aware of the fact that she's not being as supportive as she can be!
Good luck!
@writerchick88 Maybe in her head she thinks that that is her way of helping you. Perhaps she thinks that tough love is what you need and that you can handle it. Talking to her and letting her know how you feel might clear things up. Sometimes we do things a certain way and we don't realize it. Good Luck <3
@writerchick88
Comfort really is a word that has a powerful meaning. It's often difficult to describe what comfort really means. It's possible it is different for every life in the universe, but I am convinced it is something to do with instinct. However you should take a real look at the way you provide comfort to your friend and realize that to be able to do that, makes you an incredible person, and instinctual powerfully. I want you to feel all the comfort you give to others to be reflected back at you because you deserve it.
However one must also admit the scariness of expecting comfort. I dont have expectations, I find them frightening because I dont know what to expect when my expectations are not met.
You have many important steps to take in the near future regrading your job search. You are clearly a powerfully minded person - you already have the best chance of success.