I Think I'm Afraid of Being Single

I seem to keep finding myself in toxic and unhealthy relationships. They last years. I won't let go. Even when my life is on the line. I am so afraid of being single and alone that I will blatantly ignore red Flags. I tolerate abuse. Mental, emotional, physical, and sexual. I finally get myself out of the abuse. Feel proud of myself. Happy to be out from underneath his thumb and most importantly his fists. That doesn't last long though. I'll take the abuser back or I'll go and find a new abuser. I ignore all red flags. I jump into situations that I know are toxic and unhealthy. I see the warning signs. I know it's not going to end well but I ignore it. Because the panic and anxiety of ending up single and alone physically hurts my heart. I spend my days and nights bawling in bed. Unable to motivate myself to do anything else. I would literally rather die than be alone and single.