Job search anxiety and fear

Hello everyone, I am 29 years old and I had full-time internships before and graduated with a degree one year plus ago. Currently I've been on my upskilling courses and I have irrational phobia of "investing in myself," that includes:

1. actively graduating from my course because (it means I have to put myself out there) and

2. active job search because it reminds me of my traumatic experience with my parents (context below). 

As I try to pluck up that damn courage to be ME again, I was constantly reminded of my past experiences. 

Many years ago, me being young naive and ambitious, I wanted to pause my degree and pursue an internship to figure out what I wanted after graduation.

This caused major riffs between me and my parents-- they wanted me to finish my degree first. But I went with the internship anyway--it was the best decision I've made FOR MYSELF--I was guided for the first time in my life and I'm tremendously and eternally grateful towards my mentors. 

But during that period of close to 2 years, I was constantly demeaned by parents which included

1. throwing folded laundry in my face as I came back from work--I do my own laundry btw and usually fold them afterwork but my mom got to it first and use that leverage against me

2. texting long *** paragraphs detailing how unfilial I was for not coming home for dinner ON TIME despite having notified them of my post-work workout with my mentors at the office gym (I have photo evidence as well). 

3. constantly being their emotional punching bag for ages

4. why not just enforce your boundaries you might think, yeah I did, but if you live in an asian household--parents are basically royals, always in the right. 

5. I started working events during my internship just to stay out of house, but every interaction was basically an altercation. 

---

When my internship ended, I remember texting one of my mentors that there was something off about me. and spiralled after--diagnosed with depression and anxiety, went for counselling and eventually was put on meds. 

With the help of meds and counselling, things went so well with me-- I went back to uni and graduated. did well in my last semester thank god for meds. 

When I tried to dig out past work to support my resume, I started losing it. All the past unpleasant memories began resurfacing, till now. Of course I felt like a wuss, like get over it. 

Despite the past and present unpleasantness that I've been feeling for the past year, I know life continues, and I am my only obstacle. I've allowed the past to haunt me

I want to move forward by:

1. finishing up my course so that I can add that to my resume 

2. do up my resume which includes pulling up my past work and trudge through whatever haunting memories that resurface, hopefully to one day be able to let go. 

3. start applying for jobs.

Though I'm terrifyingly afraid...