Scared, Nervous, and Uncomfortable(!) about intimacy and relationships?
Hello, I'm new with forum threads. But anyway, I am scared and nervous about the thought of physical intimacy and being in a relationship with someone, sometimes to the point of being disgusted by it. I have never been in one, and aren't considering one, but the thought of being in a relationship scares me and makes me nervous (and on rare occasions I am uninterested in it). And I start to feel very uncomfortable when I think of being physically involved with someone and having them touch me (like an embrace, hug, or kiss), and the thought of talking and spending time with them kind of makes me nervous, I even feel a bit embarrassed when I imagine being with them in public too. I think I might have philophobia (fear of emotional attachment/falling in love) and aphenphosmphobia (fear of [intimate,sexual,etc.] touch) but I'm not sure. Can anyone help me understand this better? (If it helps, I do identify as asexual). Thank you. 
Hi, I'm also new with forum threads so we can learn together. I'm not sure how old you are but I'm 30 and I avoided dating A LOT throughout my teens and 20s. I was scared to let a guy get that close to me because I was scared of getting my heart broken. It took me 30 years to realize that I was breaking my own heart by not letting my guard down when I actually did date. I would force myself every few years to meet a guy because I thought I could get over my insecurities but things never made it past the 1st or 2nd date, and then I'd be alone again for a few years and give up. I was scared and nervous to be in a relationship too. It's scary when you've never been in one before. I kept putting off dating but then as I got closer to 30, I realized that if I want a husband and a family one day...I needed to get out there and meet guys. I knew it wouldn't be easy and I went on some very bad dates with all types of guys...a lot of them were jerks looking for one thing and they tried to say what I wanted to hear but I saw through them and their lines. I met some nice guys but there was just no connection. I wasn't looking for a one night stand, I wanted to find someone I had a connection with to be in a relationship with. I have high anxiety which makes it frightening to even want to meet people. It's scary to think about spending time with someone because you have to talk to get to know each other and they're going to see you on a deeper level....but that's not a bad thing as scary as it sounds. Everyone has their quirks and insecurities, it's what makes us human, and a lot of times it's what attracts people to each other.
I have feared getting emotionally attached because my self esteem isn't the greatest. I always felt like there was prettier, smarter girls, why would this guy want me? But I met the greatest guy last winter who totally turned my world upside down. I felt like it was too good to be true but he really is a nice, good guy who has never made me feel insecure. Of course when I met him I wondered why he would want me but I told myself to be strong and give it a chance...see where this goes. I just had this feeling that I hadn't had before. I'm so thankful I trusted that feeling because I can't imagine my life without him. Things haven't always been perfect, I almost lost him in the Spring because I wouldn't let my guard down (I was so used to having it up). I had fallen in love with him sometime between meeting him and Spring but I didn't tell him because we were taking things slow. I ended up telling him when we talked and I figured what did I have to lose? It didn't scare him away, he didn't say it back but I didn't want him to because it would have just been to be polite. I want to hear it when he actually feels it. We talked and decided that communication needed to be a priority in order for things to work. Ever since then we have had great communication and things just seem to run much more smoothly. We even see each other more despite busy schedules.
You have to take a risk and give people a chance because you never know when they can be the right one. It's ok to be scared, just take things slow and don't rush...if someone can't respect them, show them the door because they aren't worth another second of your time. The right person will understand you and respect you. There is happiness out there waiting for you.
I have never had as much fun in my life as I do with this guy even if we're doing nothing at all. Just seeing each other makes my day. It was worth all the obstacles i went through to find him and I'm glad I never gave up because for the first time in my life, I truly see a future.
thank you for your post, and your advice :)
@Hamm099091
It's perfectly okay to not want to be physically intimate with someone! Not everyone is :)
The nervousness towards the emotional aspect of having a relationship is a bit curious. Do you have the same reactions towards friends or is this exclusively towards romantic relationships?
Phobias while real isn't as ubiquitous as people think. It might be worth looking into attachment anxiety or attachment avoidance as well!
Here's a quick overview forum post on them.
Take care! ^-^
Thanks for the forum link my nervousness is mostly directed towards romantic relationships, however.
