Anxiety about this is too much to handle
This is going to make me sound ridiculous, but I feel like I can post here and not be judged.
14 years ago, I was in a car accident. I was changing a CD, or grabbing a CD, I forget. The guy in front of me on the highway slammed on his brakes. I did too....then I switched lanes so I woudln't hit him. Then, since it was raining, my tires slipped and I ended up going BACK into the lane I was in and crossing another lane. A driver coming in that lane hit me in my door and spun me around.
I was okay. I don't remember much after because I was panicked. I BELIEVE I asked if everyone in their car was okay. I don't THINK I saw ambulances. I remember my car got towed away and I rode with the tow truck guy.
Later that day, either an insurance guy or the guy I was in the accident with, told me the lady in the car was going to the hospital.
About a month later, I was found at fault. I was at college when that happened, on my parents insurance I believe, so only knew that my insurance got more expensive.
My problem is this: I have been thinking about it and worrying that I killed or seriously hurt someone and never knew or realized.
I have tried to search for the accident record-there is none anymore. I have tried asking my insurance company at the time-they have no record of it anymore. The police didn't have anything either.
All I could find out was the date of the accident and that my copany paid $7500 to the other people for their car.
I am having a REALLY hard time. I am thinking that I hurt or killed someone. I have guilt I was changing my CD. I feel like I am a terrible person and need to be punished.
I feel liek I can't get past this. I am in a constant state of panic.
@GlitterGirl24
I'm sure that if there were serious injuries and/or funeral that they'd be asking a lot more money of you and your insurance company. I can understand some level of guilt but it was raining and it may very well have happened anyway with someone slamming on their brakes which they shouldn't do in rainy conditions. By the way you've described it, it sounds like the driver ahead of you was at fault for having tailgated someone else in the rain and not left a safe distance between as far too many people do and most people don't realize that distance needs to be greater in the rain than it does on dry roads.
I know PTSD can last a long time and can be easily triggered much later, but it can be treated with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and things like meditation while listening to mindfulness audio (can find some in the path menu on 7cups here) and from talking things through with a professional if need be. There was something I felt a great deal of guilt over and the psychologist I spoke to about it was able to wipe away all of it with just one session (some professionals are better than others and I may have lucked out there with it only taking one thing they said to me and that I was in college at the time and the college paid for student visits). The mindfulness audio has been particularly helpful for me with panic/anxiety attacks and negative reoccuring thoughts so I think if you can do nothing else at the moment that's a quick way to find a calmer place in your mind instead of feeling bombarded by the overwhelming feelings constantly. *offers hugs*
@CoinFountain
Thank you very much for trying to help me; I really appreciate it.
The problem is, I don't know of there were ever any medical bills paid put for my insurance. I know they paid 7500 for damage, but the DMV doesn't have medical records and my insurance company only has records from 7 years back.
At the time I was 20....I went back to college. So I just paid what I was told. I didnt ask what for. I knew i had to pat more because I was in an accident, but dont remember how much.
I feel like there's no way for me to find out of there were medical bills. I've called the police, DMV, and ibsurance, but it's too far back they'll say.
:( :(
@CoinFountain so basically, the DMV days there is no accident report, and the insurance company says they don't have records that far back. The DMV also told me all they can see is there was an accident and that my insurance paid 7500 for vehicle damages. At the time, they dodnt record medical damages. So....there could be some, but they have no record
That's why I'm upset. My parents had good insurance....maybe someone died and insurance just took care if it and I never knew. :( :( I was in college when they stated I was responsible, so I didn't even see any paperwork. I never thought about it until now.
@GlitterGirl24
If I were in your place I'd be tempted to study all I could about what insurance companies are required to tell their clients and things like costs of car repairs after various amounts of damage and all the other bits of math like short hospital visits for whiplash vs more serious hospital fees up to the more morbid curiosity of minimum costs of funerals but I'm not sure that would help you focus on how to forgive yourself for making an error in judgement. We all make errors at some point....The important thing is that your intentions at the time were nothing malicious and you can't have known that the sequence of events taking place around you were going to happen at that precise moment when you decided to put on better music. You also can't control what's happened after the fact and a more efficient means of dealing with the panic attacks is to learn to accept it any way you are able to find. I hope you find some of that from what resources I've mentioned or others you may come across along the way.
Something that helps some people put some meaning into accidents they've experienced where there there's an element of prevention that can be pinpointed is to volunteer to help prevent similar tramatic events from happening to other people...I'm not suggesting becoming a public speaker or anything that level but you could start sharing road safety on things like social media so it's on people's minds when they go for a drive.
