Anxiety and Trying to be Someone We
Does it seem like were under more pressure these days, perhaps influenced by mass media, to be someone were not? In that quest to be cooler, prettier, more popular, do more of what feels good ...yada yada yada whatever, do you believe this causes more anxiety for you and those you care most about?
What do you think, for example, when you scroll through your social media and see pictures and memes of happy people and wonder, What do they have that I dont, and why are they so much happier than I? What am I lacking? Am I not good enough to be happy?.
Those people you see on social media, for example ... are they really happy, however, or are they just portraying an image of it but are not really happy?
@AbbyHarris1976\
what an interesting point you are making thank you
@HalaymaKhatunDiplomaCounselor
Youre welcome! 🙂 Its interesting to post about this because as someone with social anxiety, its all too easy to feel like I have to keep up with these ever-changing trends or go out of my way to find and keep friends. However, I am coming to find more and more that I do not have to become someone Im not, or venture way too far out of my comfort zone, to find friends.
@AbbyHarris1976\
what an interesting point you are making thank you
@AbbyHarris1976 I've definitely learned the "the grass isn't always greener." I'm not realy friends with people who are awfully showy and so I'm happy to see them celebrating birthdays, marriages, births, etc.
In some ways I learned this in a reverse sort of way. I knew someone who'd portray herself more negatively: she had it so hard, she's going through tough times, could people maybe donate a bit of money? Which is not to say she didn't suffer any hardships or touch background but the pity party wasn't warranted either.
@ReadBooksDrinkTea
Sometimes, you have to be careful when they start asking for money - if you dont really know that person well. It is really interesting that such attention seeking isnt just those posting continuously about how perfect their life seems. On the other hand, sometimes those deep in the throes of depression are trying to reach out.
I tend to get mopey and dont want to go anywhere or do anything when Im depressed. If I run across a pity party when Im feeling that kind of way, I tend to get even more withdrawn because I dont know what to say to that
@AbbyHarris1976
There is definitely pressure on people to live the life of the media. Especially for people like us, who aren't typically into the same things as they are. A lot of those media driven people think it's unusual to want to be alone sometimes, because we should be living the party life instead. I think social media stars get a lot of encouragement from fans and friends, so I do believe there is some happiness involved because there are people that support them. In terms of singer/actor celebrities, I think differently.
I don't have social media (unless this counts in a different way). I don't follow the crowd, and I have been made fun of for it. I think it's important not to take on negative/self identity removing habits just because a great amount of people do it. I'm fine not being like these people, but I do try to break down what makes some of them happy sometimes.
@BlueDusk99
Im a lot like that, also ... I dont do Facebook or Instagram, and I dont feel the need for the world to see or know what Im doing or where Ive been.
Ive never been one to follow the crowd and kind of did my own thing growing up. I went out when I was in middle school and high school ... with my family only. Whereas others were already dating, I was studying or in the basement of our house doing desktop publishing and using my computer graphics programs as a hobby or playing video games. I was the exact definition of a geek back then (and probably still now 😀) but Ive learned since then to not only accept but appreciate my geekiness. 👍🙂
@AbbyHarris1976 Not nymore. I understand that a lot of what we see is carefully selected, filtered, edited, etc. so I usually take it with a dose of skepticism because far too many stories (both positive and negative) are not always what they seem.
Hi @AbbyHarris1976 I just read your post and coincidentally, I replied to a post today which I think also applies to yours. It is about the tyranny of happiness, an ironic phrase I borrowed from elsewhere. The name of the thread is called Societal Pressures and It's possible affect on depression and my reply is "Societal Pressure to be Happy All The Time".
In a nutshell, I'm concerned that social media is becoming a "comparison trap" that one cannot escape. We know a few things about how it works that can help us reinterpret what we see in our feeds to help reduce the worry that everyone is just killing it at life except for us.
For instance, Facebook favors certain types of posts over others: events, milestones, celebrations - all of which go to the top, regardless of whether you think they belong there. It can certainly seem like your whole world is having a huge party that you weren't invited to but this is just an algorithm. Another example, I told my best friend the other day how I thought he went to the gym all the time when in fact, he hardly does. But when he does, he posts about it!
There are many things happening on social media that are invisible because people tend to share only what they think makes them look good, productive, praiseworthy and that's maybe... 1% of life? What about the fights we get into, the crying in the car? What about our fears? It's so easy to get the idea that nobody experiences negative emotions but us, if social media was actually an accurate respresentation of our life.
@Russellistrying I agree! People don't post about the bad things! When you said that it made me feel better about myself. For me personally, just being on social media and scrolling pressures me into posting. It is like you don't fit in if you don't post something as well. But there's the whole process of choosing what pictures to post that makes me look good while also worrying about how people (even my friends) will judge me. Finally I end up regreting posting all together because of all the flaws I see in my post and how everyone elses pictures and captions are better than mine. Due to how much it elevates my anxiety, I try to avoid instagram and facebook.
Hi @ShadeOfPurple thank you for letting me know that what I wrote was helpful! What you wrote about the process you go through when trying to add a new post is such a good description of what it feels like when anxiety is my social media content manager, it's exhausting.
When my friends do post about something tragic that's happened in their lives, I still find it hard to feel at ease sharing my own miseries. Anxiety whispers to me that my problems are inconsequential compared to a friend who has lost a cherished animal companion, a job, or whose marriage has ended. Even in sadness, there is this comparison trap.
@Russellistrying Oh I know exactly what you mean! Its like my own problems arent good enough and even that has a rating scale of not important to most important when you post. As if posting some problem occurring to yourself somehow seems inferior to their more real problems.
@ShadeOfPurple Exactly. This sort of anxiety can make us feel like we lack sensitivity or gratitude - or both, when we dare to speak about our problems because surely, someone else has a much worse problem. Yet, the "worse problem" of somebody else ought not invalidate our own, regardless of what we're struggling with. The belief that we'll be criticized or scolded for sharing a meaningful problem contributes to self-censoring, which makes it very difficult indeed to unburden and find support!
Gratitude practices can be very good for us but not when we trap ourselves into believing we have nothing whatsoever to complain about. I think it's better to share our problems than to swallow them since pretending that we have no "real" problems is an example of trying to be a person that we're not.
