Am I the only one?
I have a co-worker who is a trigger for my anxiety. She has a very strong personality that unnerves me. I feel the need to people please her and I don’t know why. She’s a good friend in those terms, but I can’t work with her. I’ve seen her throw people under and bus and I’m afraid she will do it to me. We used to work for the same boss, who didn’t help the situation. We have different bosses now, but I still feel the need to jump when she says jump, knowing I’ll never get that in return. How can a person trigger a panic attack at any given time? Please tell me I’m not alone.
So sorry you're going through this affectionate, and you are NOT alone! I have been in that very same spot. I was a receptionist and this person was the team leader of the customer service/sales group at the place I worked (it was years ago now) but I remember it vividly, and I remember wondering "how come it seems like I could get along with this girl famously in a personal setting but somehow in this work setting, I'm terrified of her?" It was a strange phenomenon how she managed to make me feel so small and like everything I did would be judged by her although she wasn't even my boss! I actually worked for a temp agency and she worked for the actual company we were working at so I felt so silly about it, but I just for some reason became hyperfocused on her attitude and her constant picking in and judging everyone around her. She seemed like she really believed she was the only one who worked there that could do the job "properly". In retrospect, I lacked ALOT of self-confidence, and I think she picked up on that, and instead of helping me (like I would do if the shoe was on the other foot) she used it to her advantage. She took her job very seriously, and looking back, I actually feel sorry for her because I bet she's still working there, making everyone around her feel small and anxious and I also bet she still has NO LIFE outside of work. I was hard for me to get a good perspective of the situation at the time though. It's true hindsight really is 20-20! Don't worry affectionate I absolutely know how you feel and I'm sending you the BIGGEST virtual hug I can muster....that is so hard to be where you are, so hard. I'm so sorry. :(
I cannot tell you how much your post means to me. Made me tear up. I am so happy to not feel alone with this. Self confidence is something I severely lack. And how one person can give me a panic attack by just asking me for something work related is mind boggling. Everything you said rings true to what I’m dealing with. I’m sorry you went through it too. If you had any coping mechanisms, I’d love to hear them. I am happily hugging right back. Thank you a million times over for making me feel somewhat sane!
@affectionateCar2485 hi. I dont know why but every time i needed to talk to this manager i had to prepare so much to express myself. why? because very often he would make me feel very small and i could start stuttering. Thats never happened before. The chief of this Technical Support office usually answer me very rude by phone and idk why he did. I promised myself dont talk to him and anyone of the Tech Support staff anymore...i do it myself and if i couldnt do it i gonna tell my inmediate supirior to go and talk to this seccion instead of me be humilliated again.
And the last one was a colleague who always discharge his thoughts on me about every other who be around...negative all the time. i was tired, i was sick.
So i quit to take care of myself. Hope you'll be ok. Keep reaching out for help and sharing your thoughts.
Thank you so much for replying. Seeing I’m not alone is making my feeling feel valid. I’m sorry you went through it as well. I have a hard time talking to people around me because they don’t understand my anxiety and toss it aside as something silly. You are also right about the negativity. It’s always negative comments about others and I feel the need to be there and listen. Almost like I need to impress them. I need to start pulling away and taking the friendship out of the equation. I don’t know if there is another way around it. I just joined this app today, but am already feeling better. Thank you again. Your response means the world to me.
@affectionateCare2485....honestly it sounds like you're already dealing with the situation in a much more healthy and positive way than I did!! The fact that you had the courage to share what's happening on here and put it into words, clear concise ones even! (Yay!) Speaks VOLUMES to me...you are so much stronger than you think you are!! Why do we do that to ourselves?? We are always so much harder in ourselves than we deserve!! I wish I had some magic advice or suggestion as to how to handle difficult situations and people who rattle you, but truly I think you are already doing your best and that is really all you can do!! Try and come from a place of "trying to help and each grow" not a place of negativity,and be honest that's all you can do. I instead think I made my situation worse by denying it at the time, even to myself a little I think...I didn't talk about it with anyone! It ended up getting so bad I had a panic attack right in the middle of a phone call with a customer, at my desk, in a very small office with probably 15 -20 other employees all in a VERY enclosed space, some of them only a couple feet away from me. It was horrible!! The only advice I can give you is that it's ok to feel the way you feel. Take it easy on yourself and try and remember that everyone is seeing the world through their own set of glasses, with their own experiences and life situations having shaped those glasses. Do you know what I mean? I'm by no means a counsellor or a therapist so don't take my thoughts or advice gospel!! I am a huge work in progress myself! Just happened to stumble across your post and I couldn't resist replying as it reminded me of that awful situation I was in years ago. Glad to hear my thoughts helped you!! It does help in more ways than one just to know you aren't crazy and it definitely goes both ways so thanks for sharing!! You have helped me more than you know as well!! Truly Doglovercward :) chin up! "This too shall pass!"
With the encouragement I’ve been given, I’ve decided to start changing my behavior and become a stronger and more confident person. It’s only been one day, but one of my better days in a long time. Thank you commenting. You made a difference!!!!!