An Android Trying To Regain His Humanity

The reason was very simple; discourage your family member to achieve
something less significant that she would not find threatening enough to be jealous with
and make him realize that he is just not good enough and he will never get better so he
should just admit his defeat and surrender so that she can neutralize her feelings of
insecurity and feel good about her mediocre achievements. This will help her maintain her
insignificant reputation by a pretentious methodology that will fuel her tendency of a
defensive technique that synchronizes with her lust and greed for power and influence and
makes her quench her thirst for her obsessive narcissism. In short she wanted to be the
ultimate intellectual with a mirror on the wall that told her exactly what she wanted to
hear. She wanted to have all the praise for herself and maintain her title as the golden
girl. The idea that someone like me could be better than her in the eyes of her family and
relatives was totally unacceptable to her survival. She just could not bear the pain so she
had to do something about it. This whole game was started as a political intervention and a
psychological manipulation. I understood immediately what she was trying to do and
neutralized her dark, evil, morbid, bizarre, sick, twisted, bad and pathetic transgression.
When the primary directive of transforming me into her mind slave did not work which she
had been doing all of her life before as well, she decided to go for the secondary
directive which was mentally preparing me for her exit strategy from her husbands domain.
She as usual began to obtain the personification of the damsel in distress role and wanted
me to submit to her illusive repertoire. This technique was obviously well understood by a
person of my stature and I immediately deciphered her ultimate moves. After that it was
only a matter of time that she was shown her true self and her devious ambitions that she
began to realize that she was finally defeated in the second mission as well. I still kept
my approach as neutral as possible and remained fair in listening to her problems and
troubles according to their required merits. I told her the truth and fact of the matter at
hand and tried to relieve her and gave her the assurance of sincerely praying for the
alleviation of her predicament, but I guess even that was not good enough. I didnt even
know what was going on because she was hiding her relationship problems from her whole
family because she didnt want to look less than perfect. After things got out of hand and
her in laws phoned my mother and told her about her neurotic bursts and her suicidal
attempts to force them to obey her demands and follow her orders without question because
whatever she says is always right and anybody who refutes her is an apostate because she is
a demigoddess. My mother kept these incidents as a secret and never told anybody including
her own family members so I had no possibility of finding out. But as soon as I decoded the
situations intensity and potency and her future intentions and ambitions, she
ballistically went insane. She thought as if everybody had betrayed her and I was in league
with her in laws which was not true at all and was absolutely preposterous. By the time I
found out the real story from her own words and joined the pieces together of her
mysterious behavior for the past 2 years was I able to understand what was actually
happening. She spoke continuously for 8 hours and I listened to everything and then did
what was the most appropriate thing to do; save her godforsaken marriage and tell her the
truth like any good Samaritan would do in this situation. The issue was very simple she
tried to manipulate her husband into absolute servitude for her luxurious extravagance
which he could not afford. When she was not able to exploit, manipulate, subjugate or
dominate him, she tried to turn him against his family members in order to isolate and make
him more vulnerable. When that technique did not work she tried to turn his family against
him so that they could alienate or force him to become more subservient. When that
technique also did not work she was left with no option but to throw her tantrums and
behave like an insecure child. She then made a formulated approach of various strategies
and plans and different methodologies and techniques of exploitation, manipulation,
subjugation and domination originating from 8 directions. She played all the dirty games
and made all the desperate moves but the family wizened up and they immediately understood
what she was doing and neutralized her unfair behavior. They obviously were not as ignorant
or weak as my family. Her trigger point was very ironic and poetic at the same time; even
though that I told her that everything is going to be all right and I would try to help her
and even was willing to offer her my services, she still did not trust me. I believe that
the most purest intentions of selfless empathy, altruism, compassion and kindness are given
not because it is deserved but because it is needed and it should be done not for the sake
of any reward, recognition, retribution or redemption but because it is the right thing to
do. My analytics and emotions were untainted and I offered to help her by taking her side,
trying to offer orthodox and alternative solutions, looking over all the possibilities and
giving her the right to make an informed decision that does not compromise the foundational
structure of her moral integrity, trying to give her my empathy, altruism, compassion and
kindness, giving her emotional and psychological support, reassuring her that everything is
going to be just fine, telling her that she should be patient, offering her my services in
both options of either saving or dissolving the marriage and last but not the least giving
her my blessing and making a pledge of allegiance with her in trust, respect, loyalty and
justice and my genuine desire to submit to the will of God in prayer for her so that her
fate could be modified and her suffering could be alleviated but even that was not
acceptable to her and she lashed out as a monster that was seduced by the darkest side of
the devil and the darkest bottom flame pits of eternal damnation. She became the vessel of
fear and hate and transformed into a zombie robot whose ultimate purpose was to just hurt
me by putting all of the blame on me even though I had nothing to do with it and it wasnt
my fault even in the slightest. She brought this on herself by her own doing. She screamed
at me and hurled her insulting, patronizing, disrespecting and humiliating statements and
blamed me for listening to her for 8 hours. But do you know what is the ultimate punch line
or response to this incident by the rest of my family? Quite predictable, they blamed me
for everything as usual and believed all of the lies that she was telling them about me.
They believed all of the lies she told about her husband as well, even though that she was
mentally misbalanced and emotionally unstable and her biochemical instability and hormonal
imbalances were going all over the place even then my parents refused to reconsider the
situation and even try to think about an alternative side to the story even though that the
evidence was quite irrefutable and there were significant level of witnesses on both sides
of the families. She tried to slit her wrists for Gods sake but even that was not
sufficient for my parents to admit their mistake and apologize for their misinterpretations
and aggressively or vigorously advise or suggest her to admit her mistake and apologize for
her transgressions as well. She desperately needed psychological help but nobody was
willing to admit it. Ultimately I had to finish my relationship with her permanently
because there was no hope left and she wasnt willing to become self aware and make a
conscientious decision to change herself and progress and evolve into a better person.

My brother is one of the stereotypical examples of a person who is suffering from
Alexithymia, which is the inability to express emotions. He has a massive dysfunction in
the department of emotional awareness and interpersonal relationships. Seriously I can
design an android with artificial intelligence that would have a better personality than my
brother. He is probably the most selfish person I have ever known in my life whose only
concern is his own well being and self preservation that would allow him to ruthlessly
sacrifice anybody or anything for his target ambition. He doesnt believe in something
thats why he falls for anything as well and that makes him weak and vulnerable and
untrustworthy and unreliable and therefore a burden and a liability. His faith and belief
revolve around financial situations and reproductive organs. He is that sort of a person
that would take the last drop of blood out of his own mothers grave if it would give him
even 1 second of profit. He judges other people very harshly and measures success by money
and women. I was always taught in my life that according to the philosophical ideology of
humanity and morality success is not measured by how much money you are getting in your
life but by how much contribution you are making to society in improving their progression
and evolution to make the people and this world better. If intelligence and success are
measured by the amount of money you earn then Justin Bieber whose net worth is 220 million
dollars and Rihanna Fenty whose net worth is 240 million dollars would be evaluated as
super geniuses without a professional degree and more successful than a scientist that gets
2000 to 4000 euros a month or a neurosurgeon that gets 240000 dollars to 480000 dollars a
year if he or she is a good professional. So are we going to rely on this shallow and
superficial ranking and rating of success? I dont think so. My brother is one of those
wanna be sophisticated pseudo intellectuals that pretend to follow the conformist
principles of the upper classes by putting everybody in a specific category or a
classification of a condescending submission of limited perspectives and fuzzy logic that
revolves around the over simplified idea of "if aunty had a moustache she would be an
uncle". Or simply you can place it as 2+2=4, the stereotypical mentality of conformist
capitalism. The intolerant and inflexible thinking of the super rich people who think that
God gave them more money because he loves them more than anybody else or that people of the
working classes are poor because their stupid and stupid because their poor. He is one of
those people that respect women not because they are his equals but because he thinks that
they are one of those weak and defenseless species that needs his superior protection. He
treats them like one of those stereotypical high school jock strap male tough guy imagery
projectors. He is absolutely and definitely one of those people who are unempathetic, non
altruistic, uncompassionate and unkind to their surrounding environment mainly because of
the reason that he has the liberty of exploiting, manipulating, subjugating and dominating
people into making them think and do whatever he wants them to think and do. When you are
not going to be held responsible for your actions and are going to be protected by a
deceptively hypocritical and selfishly materialistic society that takes advantage of other
peoples misfortunes and takes pleasure in their misery, you are obviously going to
transform into a zombie robot that works for his own survival technique or defensive
mechanism.

I think the major problem with my brother is basically none other than immaturity. If you
have no control over your temperament and on top of that youre immature then you have a
tendency of increasing the statistical probability of your retaliation. It is known as
having a reptilian mind or a lizard brain that functions on a flight or fight mechanism.
The most appropriate example is of an incident which demonstrates how merciless his
demeanor really is. We used to have an understanding that we were always going to discuss
our issues in a formal manner and have a civilized conversation about our problems and
troubles. No matter what happened our behavior will not become biased with each other and
if we have a problem then we would discuss it like gentlemen. This was the only rule and we
both followed it, but then my brother grew up and decided to assert his independence over
me as if he suddenly became a super hero trying to defeat his arch nemesis elder brother.
His behavior also became rogue as he developed this new identity of showing irrelevant
masculinity or unnecessary toughness. In obtaining this kind of attitude he started to
argue for absolutely no reason on things that were of no consequence to him or had no
bearing on anybody or anything even remotely related to him. Why and how did this sudden
transmutation occur? Very simple; the reality of life hit him square in the face and he
wasnt able to handle it. After graduation from university he thought that he was on top of
the world and he would be able to do anything as if he would suddenly become a terraforming
machine that produces unlimited resources or an industrial factory that manufactures
unstoppable amounts of money. But then again as it always happens as usual, the bitter
truth showed him what professional life in this jurisdiction or region of the world looks
like; when there are just too many people and too fewer jobs, the statistical probability
of you not being able to make it is very high and that is precisely what happened. After
persistently being rejected from all major institutions and organizations, my brother ended
up working in what most people usually state as an ordinary regular low paying dead end job
with no future prospects destroying his dreams of ever becoming somebody special in his
life. After all hope was lost he got a final ray of hope and the ultimate string of light
from a major organization in another city which was his final shot in this unforgiving
world and he took it so that there are no guilts or regrets and he would know that he tried
his level best and even if it didnt work out he should not be blamed, but as it turns out
my society would blame you for everything including problems of their own that have got
nothing to do with you because they love to play the blame game. He went to another city
for an opportunity of a life time and unfortunately wasnt able to meet their performance
requirements and top of that life over there turned out to be harder than the luxurious
routine of his privileged domain. Apart from that he also experienced the harsh and tough
environment of a metropolitan city by getting robbed not once but twice at the same
location doing the same mistake which I specifically advised him not to. Obviously he faced
the repercussions in full swing and had to pay the price. The damage was financially quite
substantial as the thief took away all of his gadgets and his wallet which had everything
in it at the point of a simple 9mm pistol. I guess after his humiliating defeat and his
brush with violence, his personality became further deteriorated and he became very dark,
negative, cynical and pessimistic. Naturally he had to come back home to his family and
face the music but although he tried to mask it, I knew that something inside of him had
already broken apart way before he decided to take the flight back home. Now he was the
sudden assimilation of the wounded beast that would bite anybody who gets in his way
including his family members who sympathized with him in unison. Unfortunately he had to as
usual use his own brother as an escape goat and victimize him for his failures even though
that I supported him the most. I assured him of my full support and tried to help him in
this difficult time but to no avail and he threw everything out of the window. Years of
building a solid friendship and relationship and mental and professional investment all
gone down the drain. It was as though I never even existed. We used to have quite a normal
relationship. We used to do normal kind of stuff like hang or walk about and talk or do
something together to take a load off or just relax and indulge in regular dialogue. But
then I began to notice that he started to get distant and deliberately pretended that he
doesnt have time for me anymore. I understood and gave him his space for as long as he
wanted but then he suddenly started to get even more alienated and isolated from not only
me but the whole family. I tried to confront him on the issue after waiting for a lifetime
that he would one day come back but it was all in vain. He had become a lot worse than
before and his dark side was beginning to show its ultimate fury. One day I went to him in
order to share a few things that I had in mind and it was absolutely shocking to find out
that he couldnt be more desynchronized with the situation at hand. He had total disregard
and absolute inconsideration for my problems or troubles for which I needed some emotional
or psychological support. I told him about all of my mental and physical diseases and
illnesses and it didnt even affect his behavior in the slightest. He obviously blamed me
for everything because that is just the easiest way out of any situation as opposed to
showing a little altruism or empathy. I was absolutely hurt by his definite lack of
compassion or kindness and only hoped that he would get better but it was not meant to be.
By the time I realized how deep he had fallen it was already too late; he was long gone.
His behavior was becoming hostile and violent with the passage of time increasing at an
exponential rate every second of everyday. I visited him in my final interactions about an
issue that the whole family was facing which had nothing to do with him and I wanted to
keep it that way knowing that even the slightest mention of his ruthless demeanor would
trigger his defensive mechanism and the walls would be brought up back again. I tried very
hard to forgive and forget his major transgressions and derogatory personality but
ultimately he brought this upon himself and I was left with no option but to distance
myself with him as well just like the rest of my family members. I guess they just couldnt
fight their genetical programming. I mentioned the issue only to realize that not only he
couldnt be more disinterested but also that he would try any innocent gesture as an
offense to his sovereignty and lash out with full force. On top of that he would blame me
for everything and absolve himself from all forms of duties and responsibilities. My
situation was very simple, I was taking care of the whole house and my siblings were not
doing anything or sharing any responsibility because they were being pampered and spoiled
by my ignorant parents. It was negatively affecting my life and I had to put my foot down
on getting my fair share of needed rights. As it turns out in life that when you start
flexing your muscles in a logical argument, you lose the argument immediately. Besides I
beat him fair and square in every logical and rational ideology he presented with the
highest level of formality but I guess it didnt work out and it turned into a fight and
then he in a fit of rage gave the ultimate release by telling me that he doesnt want me to
talk to him and he is breaking of the relationship forever. I was always taught that
relationships are not like glass which can be broken easily but unfortunately if you are in
my family you can do that in 1 second. I think there wasnt any relationship to begin with
in the first place anyway. It gives you a whole new perspective of life when the
realization dawns upon you that what you thought was a relationship turned out to be
nothing but a mirage or a delusion of something that never existed and it was built and
meant to fall because its foundation was based on a weak linkage of wooden beams that were
degenerated by the plague of hypocrisy.

I like to indulge myself with innovation, creativity, research, development, exploration,
discovery, manufacturing and design, but unfortunately I have limited options available
over here. Let me tell you what the culture of my country is. I belong to a conservative
country whose dominant religion is Islam. Now before I say anything else I dont want
anybody to stereotypically label me. There are 50 Muslim countries in the world with 1.8
billion Muslim followers and all of them are not like the way I described them; I am only
talking about the people in my surrounding environment regardless of their religion, race,
color or creed, but mentioning this information was a necessary application. The reason
that I mentioned this truth or fact was that I want to explain how religious extremism can
victimize you.

I belonged to a religious conservative preacher saint family who raised me up like an altar
boy. I was taught the foundations of my religion. The five pillars of Islam, Faith, Prayer,
Charity, Fasting and Pilgrimage. I did all of them like a devout Muslim following the
Quran, Tafseer, Tushreeh, Hadith, Sunnah, Seerah, Fiqah; all the laws and principles, all
the verses from the scripture , the guidelines, the Fatwas, Philosophy, Ideology,
Sociology, Theology, and even exegesis of religion; I am an unofficial student of
comparative religion so I have studied other faiths as well including all major religions
from Islam to Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Sikhism, Buddhism, Jainism, Taoism And all
other major religions as well. I integrated fully with my religion, cultures, traditions,
ethics, morals, etiquettes, manners, rules, regulations, principles, values, norms, decorum
and system. I was trained like a gentleman from the Victorian era Renaissance period. I
followed every instruction or protocol down to the last letter. I was an exemplary Muslim
and then I started getting victimized by the new wave of modernism in my society, and when
I began to became less conservative and more liberal of my own free will even that was not
enough because then my country started going through another level of hypocrisy and a new
wave of extremist islamization started infecting my country like an epidemic or pandemic.
It spread like a disease or illness that had no bounds and I was then victimized because of
my liberal views.

I used to have a beard and I wore a traditional dress taking care of my decency and
protected myself from all kinds of vices and sins. My friends used to say that this boy is
so pious and saintly that angels perform ablution from his sweat. But then things changed
and I was known as a loser who is a eunuch or a hermaphrodite who doesnt know the ways of
modern living. I was part of a peaceful organization dedicated to spread the message of
Islam; the moderate or balanced version of it at least, it was obviously a preaching
organization and I was its most forward member but then I began to notice signs of
extremism and that created a problem. I was born Muslim but I did not just take Islam as my
heritage dictated I embraced it of my own free will. Islam is a wonderful religion if you
know the right version of it.

The females in our jurisdiction are programmed in the same way. Males are portrayed as
potential rapists or like dogs waiting to pounce on them. A female is led to believe that
males have no natural theory of selection meaning they do not have any standards and they
have zero options so they would go for any female since every female is the most beautiful
gorgeous hot and sexy girl in the whole world for all time so even a 95 year old woman who
has decayed into a skeleton would flatter herself like that and would actually have an army
of her family and relatives protecting her more than a high profile target like the British
Queen because obviously every man dreams of raping a 95 year old woman right? Even when she
is going to the hospital for a routine medical health analysis.But the most ironic part of
this situation is that the massive level of confusion and conformity that is plaguing our
nation includes people with diversity and versatility in such a way that one female cousin
of mine would stay 20 feet away from me because I am a male while the other would get upset
with me if I dont kiss her in front of 20 males. Yeah, try to figure that one out. A
female is taught to believe that if she speaks to any male other than her father, brother,
husband or son God would strike her with lightning and she would burst into flames. I was
taught that if I even looked at a female I was going to be vaporized with lightning speed.
Even thinking about females was considered a sin.

On top of that they are a self indulgent useless and worthless pieces of trash that think
that they are the only people who are working hard in their life and the rest are just
waiting to rape them because they are so beautiful. One of my cousins got her psychology
degree in order to impress her father in law because he is a psychologist himself and he
drools 24 hours day on his other sons wife because she has a government job and that
lights a fire of jealousy. The reason that her nemesis will always be sexier than my cousin
is because she is doing what she wants to do while my cousin is doing what other people
want her to do. Thats why she will never be happy or at peace. She made a desperate
attempt to gain attention and somehow wanted to steal a piece of limelight so that she can
show off her fat ass which nobody gives a damn about in the first place anyway. This has
all now turned into a reproductive organ measuring contest. That is why I have named her as
a dick because she likes to flex her muscles in order to plead her sinful desire of
shameless appreciation or thoughtless approval from her stupid relatives who have a habit
of worshipping wannabe sophisticated pseudo-intellectual people like her because she is the
"Wronged Female". Yeah sure the "Wronged Female" who has gotten everything in life offered
to her on a golden platter. She was born with a golden spoon and she didnt have to work a
single day in her life; got married to a husband had 2 kids but still has a problem or
trouble with me because she cant mind her own business.

The reason is very simple; they have got very big mouths and they just dont know when to
shut the hell up. My cousin is obsessed with her virgin brother in laws exercising
routines. Seriously, I am not kidding. She technically does not have any problem but she
has decided to make up her own, forcibly. She actually was complaining to my mother and I
overheard that she has a problem with her brother in law exercising because obviously those
sweaty little virgin muscles definitely be giving her wet dreams and that is absolutely the
brothers fault for being so young and fresh. Who likes to look at her nagging husbands
ugly face all day right? Precisely, especially if he treated you like a pleasure machine or
an offspring producing industrial factory when you got married and now he treats you like a
babysitter or a housekeeper, but do you really blame them when your own faith and belief
revolves around money and penis. For 20 years she did not give a damn about her brothers
well being, but then she got bored and suddenly decided to become his savior; now how
bloody convenient is that? So there you go; everybody has skeletons in their closet and
demons in their basement. These women probably decide to huff and puff but after repeatedly
getting their ass handed to them over and over and again and again in brutal pain and
disastrous agony, they have learned the hard way that resistance is futile if you do not
have a strategy. But in order to develop a strategy you need to have the strength to grow a
pair of balls which they obviously lack. Even if you do grow a pair, the story is far from
over because a revolution does not happen without sacrifice and freedom is not achieved
without responsibility and that is just the tip of the iceberg because you still have a
long journey ahead of you. And when the odds of survival are stacked up against you and
there is too much at stake, you buckle under the pressure and retreat to the gutter hole
that you originated from. That is why they are taking those training methodologies of
obedience and subservience like a zombie robot to their spouses by some religious deceptive
hypocritical organization so that they can justify their lack of bravery and their fight
for their right of self determination, because they just cant deal with the reality that
their husbands do not love them and never will because their pride wont let them. Pride is
the devils favorite sin due to the reason of the matter of the fact that it is a
biological and psychological weapon of mass destruction for the ultimate emotion that
preserves our humanity and morality and that is none other than love. Pride and love dont
go together. Women could have just walked away a long time ago but I guess they are also
the victim of their own pride; isnt it? They probably look back towards their life
sometimes and wonder what could have been. It probably happens at night right? Just after
they lie down and just before they go to sleep? No wonder when a woman like my sister
decided to kick her husbands ass, did a person like them suddenly began to understand the
possibility of freedom and self-actualization. These feelings brought emotions of fear and
insecurity but also the promise of love and hope which overloaded their dopamine,
norepinephrine, serotonin and oxytocin levels inside the frontal cortex of their brain. The
difference between reality and illusion is what you make of it and what you do with it. You
are not what has happened to you but rather what you choose to become. Realizing that their
whole life can turn out to be a lie their flight or fight mechanism activated itself and
their only mode of survival was what is quite predictable for people like them and that is
none other than denial. So in order to satiate the desire of being the only righteous
person in the world who is better than everybody else they used their warped philosophical,
ideological, sociological or theological perspective and decided to attack my sister. I am
not saying that she was an angel and her former husband was the devil nor vice versa, but
just because she was able to do something which they wanted to do as well but couldnt
doesnt mean that she is wrong. They dont know her or her situation which means that they
do not have the right of formulating their own opinion and judging her based on their own
lifes experiences again.

Just think about it; there are a lot of girls out there 10 times more beautiful and more
qualified than they would ever be, who do not even have one by tenth of what they have
gotten in their life and yet they are so ungrateful. I mean, they have been given the
blessing and privilege of marriage and being a house wife their achievements so far are
making love to their husbands and producing off spring. They have all the safety and
security they need and want. With all the fame, fortune, wealth, property, assets,
possessions, materials, politics, power and influence and with a beautiful and dashing
husband and 2 to 4 healthy and wonderful off spring and yet they want a piece of my ass,
why? Because he has got much sexier and longer hair than them. I have always respected them
and I always wanted an elder sisters touch in my life because they can help you in ways
that elder brothers cant and thats why I always looked forward towards their company
with reverence and then my trust was shattered when they betrayed me. They say the
difference between martyrdom and terrorism is only limited by your press coverage and your
publicity agent, meaning that good, evil, right, wrong, black, white, light, dark are all
matters of relative perspective. I can see right through them and their Hijabs dont fool
me. There will be a special place reserved in hell just for people like them. They would
definitely be integrated and assimilated into the darkest bottom flame pits of eternal
damnation where their flesh and soul will be ripped apart over and over and again and again
in brutal pain and disastrous agony and all those prayers will be folded and thrown right
in their face because they had no value. God did not ask them to blindly beat their
forehead on the ground five times a day and then hurt their own brother who did not do
anything to them. Prayers may be forgiven but altruism which is way more important will not
be forgiven because they are based on the rights of their fellow beings.

Funny thing about this whole scenario is that if you dont take interest in females you are
known as a homosexual and if you do take interest in females you are known as a womanizer,
but the dichotomous paradox in this situation is that although there is not much anything
wrong with both stereotypical labels both markings will defame you, even though that there
is nothing wrong with being a homosexual or a womanizer according to international
sociology or in the global network, but the issue is over here it can ruin your life; a few
years before it could actually get you killed, not by the government as there are no laws
against it and the ones that were, got absorbed by the justice systems penal code; so far
there is a DADT (Dont Ask Dont Tell) policy, but people like me are working on getting
everybody their rights; from human rights to womens rights to childrens rights to LGBT
rights to animal rights; all of them together simultaneously; its going to take time but
we have planted the seed and have laid down the foundation; so far there arent much rights
available.

I guess its just the limited influence of the western media with less understanding and
comprehension and the racism, bigotry, sexism, ageism, homophobia and xenophobia from a
degenerated society mixed with guilt and regret of religious culture and societal
traditions that has resulted in a transmutation in the thought processes of the whole
nation. After finishing my studies I decided to make a facebook account which is also
frowned upon by some and start socializing with people on a digital stage. First I added my
family and my relatives like most people do which was a mistake as I found out later. I
joined many pages and groups and started to make an influence resulting in me getting a lot
of friend requests of males as well as females from all around the world. I added a few
people to my account that I knew well and could trust them and my network started to grow
bigger. Unfortunately somebody had to ruin the fun and my cousin called from another city
to tell me that I should be ashamed of myself that I have brought dishonor to my family.
Surprising thing was that he wasnt even religious and he could have many bad intentions
but still his reaction was something that is one of the most unpredictable behaviors that I
have ever seen in the 200000 year evolution of the human species.

I inquired what his issue was and to my surprise his reaction was that of a backward,
primitive, savage, barbarian terrorist that had strapped a bomb to his body and was ready
to fly a plane into a building. He asked me why I was adding only females to my account; I
said this was not true as I had added males as well; then he asked me why I was talking to
females; I did not understand what he meant by that as according to the modern version of
my religion there is no forbiddance in talking with females, but obviously he had a
different idea but the interesting point is that he was also talking to females; the only
difference was they were all local women; so I inquired further that what is the problem
and he said you are talking to white females which was even more shocking so I pressed him
further as to why he has a problem with white females and his reply was very simple that
they are not of good character; so I asked him why again and he said; its because they
have sex outside the relationship of marriage which shocked me beyond comprehension because
not only did he thought that I was trying to get inside their pants, who thought that all
white people are not worthy of interaction as they are all evil people that are bound for
the flames of hell because they are either Christian or white; I mean it was absolutely
horrible and terrible to have someone like my literate cousin with an educated, qualified,
sophisticated, facilitated rich background with a professional degree like as in a master
of business administration, to say something like that.

What he was trying to say was something that was one of the most racist statements I have
ever heard in my life and that was; dont talk to white females because their white. The
thing that was the final straw was when he said and I quote "When you are going to have
lots of money we are going to praise your bitches" so what he thought was that I was adding
females because I wanted to acquire praise and get attention on facebook when I already
have a lot of female friends in real life because obviously having a digital orgy with
white females on facebook is the ultimate dream of every homosexual brother on the face of
this entire planet. Being labeled as a freaky, geeky, dorky, nerdy person by my people all
my life this was a new edition to my insulting, patronizing, disrespecting, humiliating
arsenal in the pseudo righteousness hall of defamation.

That is just the tip of the iceberg; I have got a female cousin of mine who hadnt met me
for 20 years who suddenly started to interfere in my personal affairs for absolutely no
reason and with an unhealthy obsession. This was one particular women way older than me
happily married with two children who phoned my mother (who by the way became a preacher
much later in her life) and told her that you teach goodness to other people and your son
is such a gangster; why? Because he keeps long hair and has a rock band. I decided to keep
long hair after I did my post graduation and even that became an apocalyptic issue in my
whole family network. There is no restriction on keeping long hair in Islam in fact the
Prophet himself kept long hair. The fashionable trend of keeping short executive style
gentlemanly hair came from the Europeans projecting an image of sophistication and
formality. She also had a problem with me having a rock band because of the music on which
there is no restriction in Islam; it is not only allowed it was actually encouraged by the
Prophet.

There is not a single verse in the Quran that forbids music. There are hadith that support
music and then there are others which dont but are not authentic due to the lack of the
sequential chain link transmitters, but let me tell you this; Islam does not forbid
anything that is not proven by science to be against our mental or physical health. Music
is beneficial for the mind as well as the body and upgrades our mental and physical health
and fitness with empirical evidence and concrete proof written down in the syllabus books
of neuroscience and neurology 40 years ago and now accepted and supported by all modern
scholars, futwas have been issued for its permission grants. Yousuf Islam (Cat Stevens)
also went back to music after this. There are still a bunch of ignorant fools who still try
to forcibly take out health issues for music by quoting unauthentic links and taking out 14
false diseases and illnesses in discredited forums of Islamic teachings. Only an illiterate
who has no idea about scientific research would believe in that nonsense but I guess
anythings possible as we are living in a society where women are against DNA testing for
rape victims because they think that 4 witnesses are more reliable than scientific evidence
whose probability of manipulation is much lesser than that of 4 witnesses, but they just
dont want to believe because they are still living 1400 years in the past; I guess they
still take a horse to go for pilgrimage. So there you go; if they still dont believe, then
they are the losers while the rest of the world will keep on moving forward and they would
be left behind and forgotten as if they never existed. I believe Hijab is an oppressive
tool for men to use against women to make them more obedient and subservient to their will
by deliberately stripping them off their freedom of self determination and sacrificing
their true identity so that they can exploit and manipulate them to say or do whatever they
tyrannically dictate them to say or do. Its true that Hijab is mentioned in the Quran but
if you focus on the reference to context and the time of the revelation you will understand
the philosophy and exegesis of its meaning and interpretation. As I have formally studied
religion then let me educate you about the whole scenario. Hijab was offered as an optional
garment to the muslim females as a means of protection from being harassed or victimized by
the males around them because there were no jails, prisons, corrective facilities,
rehabilitation clinics or sexual harassment lawsuit trials. Now we have them so women are
more safe and secure and they can exercise their freedom more progressively. Nobody has the
right to force a woman to wear a hijab or tell a woman who doesnt that she is going into
hell for not being able to show modesty. But having said this; if a woman still wants to
wear a hijab or dress up like a potato sack because she has some Islamic guilt or regret or
she wants to hide her inferiority complex and low self esteem by projecting her modesty as
a sign of hypocritical righteousness so that she can look down upon other women who dont
and call them dirty sluts because she thinks that she is better than them; than it is her
prerogative. If she wants to hide herself because she is ashamed of the body that God has
given her then fine. If she wants to hide her breasts and her buttocks because if males saw
it then God will strike her with lightning and she will burst into flames or the men would
transform into hungry beasts and rape and kill her because they are all a bunch of devil
spawns that have no sexual maturity and obviously they cant handle her most beautiful and
gorgeous "Breasts" and "Buttocks" in human history, then I guess it would be okay. If she
wants to hide her broken hair and large posterior because she is no longer the young and
beautiful queen or princess of the neighborhood {"After eating 200 mice the cat went for
pilgrimage"}; then obviously it is her free will and she should be allowed to do whatever
she wants because that is what freedom is all about and she should not be judged or
vilified on it right? And that should also go for those women who wear bikinis or lingerie
as well, right? Precisely, but just remember this, the world will keep on moving forward
and they would ultimately realize the broader perspective. If those "religious" women
should get the opportunity, then I would definitely recommend that they take a little bit
of their time and observe the women astronauts who go out in space. I myself have an
interest in building space ships and flying space shuttles. I have studied the flight
dynamics and done the space shuttle simulation sequence softwares on which NASA space
pilots also get trained. I personally also observe their latest activities from different
sources available all over the media. You can view their mission videos through live
streaming on Youtube. Just go over there and see those women floating and working around in
their jumpsuits with their {Zero Related} male fellows not worried about anybody looking at
their "Breasts" and "Buttocks" while they are progressing and evolving into a better
species at an exponential rate. They are understanding and learning the knowledge and
information of different fields and departments of a variety of all kinds and types of
academic disciplines, while they are having lots of fun and the time of their lives not
bitching or whining about somebody looking at their anterior and posterior regions of their
bodies or their brother keeping long hair or having a rock band.

I guess I dont deserve to be happy or at peace because I was born different. I guess I can
figure out how the x-men must feel like. Every day I have to go through the pain of being
attacked and violated and made to feel guilty and regretful for my existence. Its not like
I dont want to be happy or at peace; I do but this society is not going to let me have it.
I am being rejected by my family, friends, faculty, fellows and even acquaintances because
I think differently and because I do not have the necessary levels of fame or money or
power or influence.

If I would give a psychological evaluation of my relatives, it would be something like
this. They were also born in a religious conservative family background. From a young age
they were exploited by their fathers patronization, manipulated by their mothers ridicule
over shadowed by their brothers personality and dominated by their sister, so they learned
through hit and trial methodology that the only way of getting power or influence or
respect or admiration or anything in life is not to work hard but to stab other people in
the back and pull their legs down so that you can get their dick up. They have absolutely
no intelligence, wisdom, sophistication, facilitation or any skill, ability, talent or
potential so they did what any below average kind of dark, evil, morbid, bizarre, sick,
twisted, bad and pathetic kind of useless and worthless piece of garbage would do. They
started to use the weapon of sarcasm to gain attention at first but then they discovered
that they can use it to exploit and manipulate people into making them think and do,
whatever they wanted them to think and do like a tyrannical dictator. It became a double
edged sword in ways that trans-mutated their personality towards the dark side and
transformed their reality into a pornographic fantasy of which they became the architect
of. The architect of their own destruction. Not realizing that the dream world they have
constructed will be their greatest undoing because it would compromise the foundational
structure of their moral integrity. But they didnt pay any heed because they had already
fallen by selling their soul to the devil himself.

They just use sarcasm as a way of bridging the gaps inside their personality and behavior
by over compensating for their inferiority complex and low self esteem. They are suffering
from a psychological disease that is termed as a Narcissistic Machiavellian Histrionic Anti
Social Psychopathic Personality Disorder Syndrome; go figure. They are so arrogantly
ignorant and obliviously naïve that they are too busy smelling the farts out of their own
anuses because theyve got their heads shoved up so far up their rectum. Remember if we
talk about friendship and relationship with others; we need to understand that a
relationship or friendship is based on trust, respect, loyalty, justice, empathy, altruism,
compassion, kindness, faithfulness, reliability, durability, communication, connection,
happiness and peace and they unfortunately dont fulfill even one factor. If they insult,
patronize, disrespect and humiliate their own relative at every point in his life then
underestimate his skill, ability, talent and potential as an educated, qualified,
sophisticated, facilitated intellectual, then make a monkey show out of him while he is a
guest at their house including not only their family members but also their relatives, and
every other tom, dick, harry and george, then make a bloody forum about him behind his back
and then stab him like a bloody hypocrite with a white lie using his own mother against him
then obviously a person like me would not take them as a friend or a person who has a
meaningful relationship. Remember, relationships are not developed from blood but they
originate from the heart. Their heart is obviously dead because they have transformed into
zombie robots. Seriously I can design a robot with artificial intelligence that would have
a better personality than them. Unless and until they become self aware and make a
conscientious decision of changing themselves in order to regain their humanity, they would
keep on living as idiot, backward, primitive, savage barbarians.

It is quite amazing to see that they are trying to advise me about my life without having
any jurisdiction in this matter. When you advise someone you need to 1. Know the truths and
facts about his situation 2. Learn the who, what, when where, why, which and how to handle
his situation 3. Rather than enforcing your view points on him, you should ask him about
his priorities and prerogatives 4. Have the necessary education, qualification,
sophistication and facilitation to have a reputation of reliability that would make your
statements hold value 5. Instead of telling him who he is and what he wants, ask him who he
is and what he wants 6. Understand his philosophical perspective from his psychological
protocol, not yours 7. Provide him with better alternatives in defense against his
transgressions 8. Most important of all, listen with the purest of intentions of empathy
and altruism meaning try to understand what he is saying underneath the lines and try to
help him with qualitative and quantitative effectiveness and efficiency.
One of my cousins gets a proposal through and now he is king of the world. Although he
didnt have the decency to come and share in person, my mother informs me and I do the
sensible thing and congratulate him on the phone. Then the unexpected happens, the girl
suddenly refuses and I dont even know about it, I just make a random routine phone call
and my cousin is pissed. He for absolutely no reason decides to be a difficult and starts
insulting me for absolutely no reason. Then I am trying to empathize and be altruistic,
show a little compassion and display my kindness to make him realize that I am on his side.
I even praised his face and said that he is a handsome guy and any girl would be lucky to
have him, so he shouldnt lose heart and that he would eventually get a suitable mate as he
already had a secure future with a father who was super rich. But he turned even that thing
around on me by harassing and victimizing my innocent little remark which was only said to
make him feel better. He used that statement and started calling me a homosexual in a
homophobic manner. It is not a bloody coincidence, that 6 months later my previous cousin
calls me his gay brother on facebook.

The issue with two of my cousins was not melodramatically sentimental but my sensitivity
got triggered due to the reason that its philosophical implications were absolutely
tremendous. Relatives like to gossip and so the news of my thinking and showing interest in
women spread like wild fire and obviously the blob fish turkey vultures started flying over
my head. The cousin that started the ruckus also told one of my other hypocritical cousins
but the issue was not what my cousin did; the problem is how the other reacted. It is not a
bloody coincidence again that right after 6 months he phoned me to inquire about my
personal disposition and just happened to randomly mention about my private affairs in
which he obviously had no jurisdiction. He told me in a very pretentiously condescending
manner that he heard from someone that I have become a "Playboy" which is not a compliment
in our part of town. So even mentioning this disclosure showed his ulterior motive and
tainted intentions. Yet he still tried to portray himself as an innocent angel. I was
actually quite surprised that he is not ashamed of himself for treating his own brother
like this. Is that also part of his dark, evil, morbid, bizarre, sick, twisted, bad and
pathetic morality or degenerated humanity? That was the final straw where I drew my
ultimate line. He put the final nail in the coffin and sealed his own fate. It is quite
shocking to see that your own brother who spend majority part of his life thinking of me as
his nemesis and being jealous of my achievements would pretend to be my friend, but insult,
patronize, disrespect and humiliate me at every point in his life, make fun of me for his
entertainment, try to sabotage my job, career, business and trade, deliberately give me
physical harm and pretend it was an accident, tell lies about me and manipulate the truth
to make him look better, betray my trust repeatedly, show absolutely no respect, take
pleasure in my misery, repulsion in my peace, turn everything into a bloody competition,
who would take even an innocent remark as a jibe at his sovereignty, who would take even a
small compliment as a political conspiracy against him or an insult to his personality, get
aggressive for absolutely no reason and shout at me for having an opinion that does not
synchronize with his philosophy or ideology, kick me when Im down, stab me in the back and
then display himself as an arrogantly ignorant and obliviously naive individual who thinks
that I would be so gullible that I would believe his hypocritical stance in wanting to be
my savior or liberator when he obviously had an ulterior motive or tainted intention, but
then he would still have the audacity to blame me for showing hesitation in meeting or
talking to him. After all of this he dares to come to me with that shameless repertoire and
talk to me about friendship or relationship. A friendship or relationship is based on
trust, respect, loyalty, justice, empathy, altruism, compassion, kindness, faithfulness,
reliability, durability, communication, connection, happiness and peace and he
unfortunately doesnt fulfill even one factor. We have to prove our words and our actions
in genuine sincerity and we have to show our usefulness, worthiness, importance and need
for the other person to become an integral part of his social circle and our personal life
and not just a zombie robot in spectator mode; we have to give him the temperance,
diligence, patience and humility to the best of our intelligence and wisdom and humanity
and morality. Remember, relationships are not developed from blood but they originate from
the heart. The heart of my society is obviously dead because they have transformed into
zombie robots. Seriously I can design a robot with artificial intelligence that would have
a better personality than them. Unless and until they become self aware and make a
conscientious decision of changing themselves in order to regain their humanity, they would
keep on living as idiot, backward, primitive, savage barbarians who are nothing but useless
and worthless bloody freaking pieces of garbage.

How in the name of Gods heaven am I supposed to have a friendship or relationship with
them when they dont even trust or respect anything that I say or do? NEWS FLASH!! We do
not have any friendship or relationship with each other. I did not disown them or anything,
but I am being very pragmatic. When you compromise the foundational structure of your moral
integrity, you dig your own grave. The only constant of perception in the difference
between reality and illusion is your faith. Meaning the difference is how you make it but
the important thing is what are you going do about it? That is the ultimate question. If we
understand the roots of our human consciousness then we begin to integrate with the mission
of our life and the ultimate purpose of our existence which is to understand and learn the
difference between good and evil and right and wrong and black and white and light and dark
and positive and negative and left and right and up and down; inspire and motivate others
towards empathy and altruism to help their fellow human as part of the collective
consciousness in the global network, show compassion and kindness not for gaining your
selfish reward, respect, recognition, redemption in world life or after life, but because
its the right thing to do and then make them follow you in the forward direction to
progress and evolve into a better species. I know we are living in the gray but it takes
quite a significant amount of self reflection and self actualization to understand the art
and science of figuring out the ideological philosophy of whether we are really in the
white when we are in the black or whether we are in the lighter part or in the darker part
of gray.

We know the absolute truths and universal facts of life. For every action there is an equal
and opposite reaction, karma hits you very hard, payback is a bitch and you reap what you
sow. Dont judge others lest you be judge yourself and do unto others as you would have
them do unto you. They probably think that they are so perfect, but what they dont know is
that the ditch that they are digging for someone else is the same one in which they are
going to fall. They still dont get it do they? They dont want to get off their tall
thrones and high horses. They are so busy smelling their own farts because their heads are
shoved up so far up their rectum that they dont even realize the actual reality of their
dimension. They are so worried about their reputation when they dont even realize that
they dont have any. Each and every person of ours is backstabbing the living daylights out
of each and every other person. You are just an ordinary guy living an ordinary life just
like everybody else. Life doesnt have to be a bloody competition in every goddamn
situation. You are not in a race with anybody except yourself and by the time you reach the
finish line, you will realize that you are back at the same place that you started from.
The moral of the story or the lesson of this filmography is that it is not important which
path you choose but how you choose it. The journey is more important than the destination.
Intentions are more important than results. Execution is more important than output. That
is what logic, rationale, nature and instinct tells us.

My cousin however finally got one proposal through but the interesting part is that he had
absolutely no idea what marriage was and why was he getting married, but he did anyway and
the story moves forward. "Oh! I just did it because I wanted to share my life with
someone." Garbage again. I think I might as well call the Guinness Book Of World Records
because my relatives are going to be making a record very soon. Shouldnt marriage be done
for a much better reason than companionship? Like a simpler but stronger reason? As in
something like "LOVE" He never even mentioned what his wifes preferences or prerogatives
would be or should be. I mean there has to be some respect for her natural theory of
selection now isnt it? But how would he give a damn about that? She was just another
pleasure machine that he bought of the market like a T-1000 model of a zombie robot or the
latest version of the Iphone. Let me put this on the table; if his father did not use his
power or influence to refer his sons potential candidacy for the marriage relationship,
would he be able to go even 20 feet near this female who is living with him in his flat
bought by his father; let alone shove his penis inside her vagina? Just think about it; he
was born as the son of a rich businessman and inherited his luxury and facilities. There
are many people more handsome and qualified than he would ever be who havent even gotten
one by tenth of the things that he had in his life and yet he believes that he just got
there by the sheer force of his will? How arrogantly ignorant and obliviously naïve he is.
He did

Is he trying to say that he married her face? Not
really. Point is, he didnt just look at her face, he looked at other things as well;
although his family had already done majority of the work. The selection was made just like
any religious conservative family background. He weighed all of the options and chose her
based on status and title, apart from anatomical mechanics and physical dimensions. But the
real reason for marrying her was obviously not her wonderful personality or behavior, was
it? The real reason was that he wanted to show her off in such a way so that he can look
superior in front of his peers in order to gain power and influence.

I did a formal research on the deceptive hypocrisy and selfish materialism of a
degenerative society whose faith and belief revolves around the measurement of financial
situations and reproductive organs according to shallow and superficial rankings and
ratings of fame and fortune. The definition of arranged marriage according to my
ideological philosophy is a hypocritical mechanism of a prostitution industry integrated
and assimilated by the shallow and superficial rankings and ratings of financial situations
and reproductive organs. Just think about it, people say that everything is just fine
because it worked out for them but the situation has a totally different angle or shade in
regards with the institution of marriage which should solely be based on the most important
factor of human consciousness and that is free will. That is what differentiates us from
robots. Robots do not have emotions or instincts; thats why they will lose in front of a
human because they do not know how to improvise or adapt. Even humans themselves without
specific understanding or training cant psychologically evaluate someone else because they
do not have the right priorities or prerogatives based on humanity or morality. I think
that the most suitable guideline for a virtuous marriage based on goodness would be
assimilated when the mental and physical compatibility synchronizes with each others
personality and behavior at a simultaneous quantum or period of time and space. People
usually try to tell me that they talked and evaluated their potential spouses personality
because of their experience in dealing with business clients. How can they say that?
Dealing with a few business clients is totally different from dealing with your potential
candidate who is going to be your wife. Marriage is not a business contract at least in the
moral sense it is supposed to be an institution based on the foundation of goodnesss and
morality that revolve around personality and behavior. It is in our religion as well; "The
best among you is the one who has the better personality and behavior" So how can they say
that the selection group given to them was the only suitable option available? If I took
them back in time and gave them a selection group of 4 billion females to choose from on
the face of this entire planet, would they still choose the same person again? No of course
not. They would obviously utilize their facility of selecting the better option. That is
what free will is all about and with freedom comes responsibility giving us a broader
perspective of life and shunning the primitive ideologies of arranged marriage. They chose
that person because he or she was the better choice available at that specific time and
place, but their natural theory of selection was based on something that was a fantasy or
an illusion. I would rather speak the truth and be hated for it; rather than speak a lie
and be loved for it. I would rather live in a nightmare thats real than live in a dream
that is an illusion. So what is our understanding of the difference between reality and
illusion? Precisely, it is only based on our faith but its difference is not important as
much as what you do with it. They just selected a mate without even knowing who she really
is? Which takes quite a significant period of time even by the best level of experts and
even then it is a shot in the dark but still it is the moral thing to do. But they didnt
think about that and they just looked at the surface tension and said okay. And then they
just had sex with her like everybody else on their wedding night with a girl in an
extravagant dress they barely even know. Now tell me how is this any different from a
selection methodology based in a brothel house. This is almost the same technique that is
used by potential clients in the prostitution industry. So when I say that arranged
marriage has become a prostitution industry, I have ample evidence to back my theory up.

Hypocrisy is the homage vice pays to virtue.
The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception the one who lies with
sincerity.

Things usually take on a different perspective when you live in a nation of snitches.
Especially when they are your own relatives. So welcoming my now married cousin with open
arms after he shows himself after 4 years is not a top priority in my modus operandi. But
obviously he had to show up and gloat about his inductance into the hall of fame and I
obliged him for the sake of formality. He wanted me to meet his wife who was with him at
that period of time. I respectfully greeted her in the most appropriate manner of my
Victorian era renaissance period formality, which offended him because I was supposed to
drool on her like a bloody animal to make him feel better. As usual whatever methodology or
technique that I utilized in my greeting statement was not good enough and his father
protested that to my mother and then she inquired about my cousins negative response or
feedback, which obviously turned into a major issue and a sign of further embarrassment. My
greeting was short and simple but they wanted me to say it like they do which is absolutely
ridiculous. This is the most unreasonable part of the whole debacle; they were upset
because I did not make a light dialogue with her, as if I should be the only person who
should be making the effort or taking the initiative in making a "dialogue" because I am a
male and she is a female. First they want you to not even think about women, and then
suddenly they want you to talk to other peoples wives in an intellectual conversation that
should constitute the resolution of a formal socialization equipped with all forms of
traditional banter and chatty attitudes. The insanity never finishes.

The reason that I did not properly meet his wife was also because of the social taboos that
every over flattering female in this jurisdiction or region of the world thinks. A female
is used only for 2 purposes. As a pleasure machine or an off spring producing industrial
factory. They respect only 2 people in their lives. The guy whose money their under and the
guy whose dick their under. So when anybody else is brought in the equation they are always
suspicious of his intentions. Women in this region are taught that if they talk to anybody
other than their fathers, brothers, husbands or sons, then God would strike them with
lightning and make them burst into flames. Thats why I showed a little discretion because
they are already scared shitless. And obviously I didnt say anything more than just
formally greet her, because that would have become an issue as well and his father would
have reported that to my mother as well, but as it goes he did it anyway. I guess nobody is
ever going to be happy.

Technically in the western traditions when a man wants to introduce his wife to his
relative he probably does it in order to assimilate his family in a more integrated network
where he can rely on his cousins to take care of his wife when he is not around or help her
with anything she might desire and vice versa. It is a mutual understanding and the wife
herself has significant independence to operate her needs and wants and exercise her right
of self actualization and free will. It is a more flexible environment where she doesnt
have to feel any guilt or regret in hanging out with her cousins even when her husband is
not around as she has the necessary level of trust and respect to build her friendship and
relationship with her relatives regardless of their gender as they are not sexist. In my
nation however the friendship and relationship with relatives are shallow and superficial
which means they have no value, making the whole formality of introducing the spouse
absolutely pointless. It has no religious, cultural, traditional, ethical or moral
obligation. So it just results in a white wash. Thats why I really dont understand the
whole idea of meeting somebodys wife when I cant even properly connect or communicate
with her. They cant even make their own effort or initiative to formulate some kind of
understanding. They just behave like bloody freaking zombie robots making themselves
absolutely and irreversibly boring and predictable.

I dont have any problem in my relatives wanting to meet me, but the ultimate question they
need to ask themselves is why they need to meet me when they cant even stand me? They
dont respect anything that I say or do yet they want to socialize? Quite interesting. Then
obviously the next question would be why they want to socialize? I know that is what humans
do, but why do they want to do it when they dont have any friendship or relationship with
me. Do they have any ulterior motive or tainted intentions? Do they like to take pleasure
in my misery? Which is not going to get them anywhere. Do they want to have a reproductive
organ measuring contest? Which they are obviously going to lose. Love is of four types;
divine, family, friendship and romantic but the rules are almost the same. If you want to
love someone you need to let go of your pride. Friendship is of three types; benefit,
pleasure and goodness where goodness is the highest level of friendship. If you want to be
somebodys friend, you need to respect them. They had a perfect opportunity to make
themselves useful and worthy and give the other person the importance and need to start a
friendship or relationship and integrate him with their social circle and even their
personal lives and I would have gladly taken on the mantle. I would have a feasible purpose
that would have a viable future. They have to put something on the plate in order to show
their genuine vulnerability and original submission. My responsibility was to deliver the
message, but the rest is up to them. So before they decide to meet me again; they really
need to find the answer to their ultimate question.

I liked girls from a young age and I always wanted to get married and have a family. Who
doesnt, which brings us to the issue of marriage. Before I tell you my story further, let
me tell you how the system of marriage works in my country. It is obviously none other than
the system of arranged marriage integrated down to its roots in any patriarchal society.
The definition of arranged marriage according to my ideological philosophy is a
hypocritical mechanism of a prostitution industry integrated and assimilated by the shallow
and superficial rankings and ratings of financial situations and reproductive organs.
Initially the system wasnt so bad because it was based on morality and the priorities were
straight, selections were made according to suitability, a boy or a girl or a man or a
woman were selected according to personality and behavior rather than wealth or title. It
was a great facility that was useful to the people who are not able to find a suitable
spouse on their own. Now this system has been corrupted as well and the lust and greed for
power and influence has destroyed the foundations of this great institution.

If you even remotely have the luxury to think that you have got a fair opportunity of
having the right to have an idea of a few standards and options in getting a suitable
worthy marriage partner or even sending a proposal to a potential spouse in my country; you
need to know that it has become more difficult than getting into NASA. Trust me I was
looking at the requirements for the organization and I am eligible for it but you would be
surprised that even a person like me with a great resume is getting trouble finding a wife.
Marriage is now getting out of the range of all the people in the vicinity of the middle
classes every second of everyday due to the misbalance in the salary and inflation with the
demand and supply of a females ever raising expensive and luxurious tastes and her
selfishness and materialism. First the only way you can get married in my country is
through arranged marriage most of the time; that is where you can send or receive the best
proposals; after that youre options keep on getting lesser and with the passage of time
goes down to zero. Your whole life could get destroyed just because you breathed in the
wrong manner. Arranged marriages are now done in my country according to fame, fortune,
wealth, property, assets, possessions, materials, politics, power and influence. For
example a female does not want a man she wants a god. She would want him to have a huge set
of muscles and he should be as pretty as a Hollywood actor otherwise you dont stand a
chance. Majority of the times the rich guys always win and take away the prettiest ones and
then the rest are left for the lower classes. Yes, our society runs on class systems and
status quos. Rank, position, standing, grade, category, group, type, order, level or stage
they are all taken into measurement according to a design algorithm or a mathematical
formula. Along with that religion, race, color, creed, faction, family, district, town,
province, state, city, sector even neighborhood affects your variables in the statistical
probability of your selection process.

I am an eligible bachelor but I was rejected just because my sister got divorced; imagine
that. Thats right; if any sibling inside your family gets divorced the rest of the members
will not get a fair opportunity to send or receive proposals, it is an immediate
disqualification. Yeah, try to wrap your head around that one. I know! If there is a hell
on the face of this entire planet, it is this place. It is absolutely unfair and unjust,
but thats how a hypocritical society works. If you want to send a good proposal to a good
family, you need to have at least a 90 by 90 square feet plot on which you should build a
16 bedroom mansion, with a front lawn and a back yard, 2 vehicles like a sporty and a
luxury one, 8 servants and 480000 bucks per month salary. In a poor country like mine where
thousands of people are dying due to starvation and living on less than a dollar a day,
that is quite a luxurious demand of a female spouse from her male provider especially at
the age of 24 when he has just post graduated from university. Nobody in the whole world
can fulfill this demand on his own unless he is the son of a rich tycoon which proves my
earlier points. What does the girl do? Nothing.

Females in my country are used only as pleasure machines and off spring producing
industrial factories. The faith and belief of a girl revolves around money and penis; in
fact she measures the size of your penis according to the size of your bank account. She
only respects 2 types of men; one whose money their under and the other whose penis their
under. You have to wear a Ralph Lauren and come out of a Ferrari to be taken seriously in
the higher classes and thats where I have been all my life, now trying to fit in there is
getting absolutely impossible and I cant go anywhere else because I would not be welcome
or would not even fit in because of the limitation in the mindset of their traditional
circle. They only bring in people of their own kind and my kind is already quite different.
Majority of the females in my part of town just eat, drink, sleep, excrete, have sex, make
babies and do shopping. They treat you impolitely and furiously all the time and they
behave horribly and terribly if things are not going according to their will.

I always take great care of my mental and physical health and fitness, but it just doesnt
matter because at the end of the day people are still going to judge you on your natural
weight and height on which you have no control. That is what I dont understand that why in
this modern day and age we are still so shallow and superficial that we judge people on
their physical appearances or on any factor that you dont even have any control over. I
didnt have any control over my sisters relationship and neither did she yet I got
punished for it. Now people have a problem with my anatomical mechanics. I have got an
impressive sport record even then people think that I am weak because I have an athletic
figure which is lesser than the ideal figure of WWE Wrestlers like Dwayne Johnson.
Unfortunately I dont want to become Dwayne Johnson so my natural theory of selection
becomes unacceptable. Girls in my world have been brainwashed by all kinds of international
media who dictates how beauty should look like but even though genuinely intellectual and
originally sophisticated individuals know that beauty is a matter of relative perspective
they still fall back into the same primitive patterns of finding suitable mates according
to weight and height as their ancestors did thousands of years ago. My weight and height is
medium and that is supposed to be ideal according to the field of medicine but its just
not good enough for females in my jurisdiction of the world.

If you look at the history of beauty, the perspectives have modified themselves on
different shades and angles. 10000 years ago the concept of beauty was totally different
from what we have now; a male was thought to be handsome if he had sensitive features and
an athletic figure and men of larger sizes were considered unattractive and repulsive. If
you need some evidence you can look at the art work from even the renaissance period and
you would be able to see like as in the paintings of David and Goliath. David was made to
look beautiful by his sensitive features and his athletic figure where as Goliath was made
to look unattractive by showing him as a huge hulk type figure with more broader and
sharper jaw line features. If you look at the famous statue of The David designed by
Michelangelo you would notice that he also has an athletic figure. I in fact look just like
the statue but unfortunately what was considered a sign of beauty is now unacceptable in
this day and age. I guess I just ended up in the wrong timeline. Point is that there is no
specific formula for measuring beauty. Scientists have tried to measure it by putting a
theorem on the facial anatomy and giving it a value of 1.618. 1.618 is known as Phi (and
also as the Golden Ratio, Golden Mean, Golden Section and Divine Proportion) and its
mathematical cousin, the Fibonacci sequence.

Things get even more complicated when you start facing problems with your job, career,
business and trade. Point is I make lots of money but it is just not that good enough for
my type of people. Females in my group practice what is called hypergamy which is the
action of marrying a person of a superior caste or class. This puts my situation in trouble
obviously. On top of that my proposals usually get rejected because the statistical
probability of the future prospects of my job do not achieve an acceptable value meaning
that I am being targeted for something that might have a logical basis but has no moral
value. How can we predict what going to happen in the next 20 years when we dont even know
what is going to happen in the next 20 seconds. I thought a perfect relationship could be
achieved by the mental and physical compatibility that synchronizes with each others
personality and behavior at a simultaneous quantum or period of time and space. It is not a
high standard but quite a simple one in which you just have to be yourself. I am not saying
that money is not important but there should be a balance between your analytical and
emotional paradigms and between your robotics and humanity. I know this kind of thing
doesnt happen everywhere because then we would all be in trouble. I have worked and done
business with foreigners and I have talked with them and asked them lots of questions in
regards with dating and marriage and they tell me a few similar things from my part of town
but not so messed up as my situation.

From what I have been told you dont need to make an appointment with the security council
to issue a written permission to pass a bill in the senate to offer an opportunity to
interact with a member of an opposite sex. In order to talk to a girl you dont have to
plead with the father for permission. You can approach a girl and just say "Whats Up" and
that would be just fine as she would not shoot you in the head. You dont need to fulfill
the 12 tasks of Hercules before getting a date with a nice girl.

I always imagined and dreamed myself of one day being a groom and seeing my bride walk down
the path towards me, making my parents proud and becoming an acceptable and respectable
member of my society. Giving my parents grandsons and forwarding my legacy, but I guess
that is not going to happen. I have been stereotypically labeled as a failed person who has
inadequate masculinity and does not deserve any happiness or peace in his life. The only
thing left for me now is a slow and painful death; a life of despair and loneliness.

My health is getting adversely affected by many factors. I am suffering from allergies,
immunodeficiency, ulcers, painful molars, acidity, diseases related with the respiratory
system and the digestive system, gastro esophageal reflux disease, warts, fungal infections
and eye floaters. The more I try to get healthy and fit, the more illnesses and diseases
are originating for absolutely no reason. The doctors tell me that it is all hereditary or
part of my genetics and it is not my fault which is just fine but it looks like the
universe is trying very hard to make me suffer. I used to have perfect level of mental and
physical health and fitness, but now I have many diseases all at once as if somebody up
there is trying to kill me. On top of that I am now suffering from anxiety, depression,
nervousness and tension. I went to the psychiatrist and the psychologist and they evaluated
me and from that they found that I scored the highest in anxiety meaning that I was in a
lot of trouble. One of the specialist s told me that if I dont get myself treated I would
either die by a nervous breakdown heart attack or I would just commit suicide if the
situation deteriorates or degenerates even further. I get so much pain that I am not able
to eat or sleep. From absolutely no where I started developing a lactose intolerance
resulting in me unable to drink milk. Now I cant get a healthy breakfast and a source of
calcium and minerals for my teeth and bones. My allergies have gone further to other groups
of food which have now included fruits of all types and major kinds mostly citrus that have
an abundance of vitamin C (ascorbic acid) which is good for keeping your immunity on
optimum levels. Dry fruits are also out of the question. Dairy products are also now
difficult to digest meaning everything ranging from milk to eggs, butter, cheese, yogurt
even bread. I cant even eat meat because it is heavy on my stomach. I am barely absorbing
a vegetarian diet. There are also a few vegetables that I cant digest. My stomach is
barely digesting food because it is weak. It develops a misbalance in the acidity and
mucosity of the stomach lining resulting in high levels of acid production that rise up
through my esophagus due to the malfunction in the upper and lower esophageal sphincters
causing the acid to come into my mouth and burning it. The inflammation then triggers a
malfunction in two of my genes that cause the lymphocytes and the macrophages to attack the
mucosal tissue of my mouth as a bacterial pathogen resulting in a formation of aphthous
stomatitis which causes a high level of recurrent chronic herpetiform cluster group ulcers
usually caused by the HSV Type 2 pathogen. My own body and mind are now turning against me.
I have been infected with warts on my skin that are leaking a yellow puss. I also got
exposed to a few fungal spores that have infected the nails of my fingers and toes. I have
always remained very hygienic and now I look like a monster dying of a wasting plague. One
of the most painful are the floaters in my eyes that are impeding my vision which is making
it difficult for me to work. I am suffering from a rare disease that usually happens to
people over the age of 60. In the posterior segment of the eye there is a vitreous humor
that is composed mostly of phagocytes, which remove unwanted cellular debris in the visual
field, and hyalocytes, which turn over the hyaluronan. The vitreous humour contains no
blood vessels, and 98% of its volume is water (as opposed to only 75% in the cornea). In
addition to water, the vitreous consists of salts, sugars, vitrosin (a type of collagen), a
network of collagen type II fibrils with glycosaminoglycan, hyaluronan, opticin, and a wide
array of proteins. The vitreous humour has a viscosity two to four times that of water,
giving it a gelatinous consistency. With the passage of time and due to my mutated genetics
and unfortunate heredity, the vitreous has gone through an ealry form of depolymerization,
degeneration, liquifaction and opacification resulting in the protein collagen hyaluronic
acid bond filaments to release their water molecules and become dry and sticky making them
a target for attraction that causes an electromagnetic flux bringing them on a collision
course with each other and then forming new forms of opacities that are more opaque in
nature resulting in casting shadows over the retina that look like black spots that block
my central and peripheral field of vision making it very difficult for me to work. They are
known as floaters because they float with your field of vision meaning they follow you
around and you can't shake them or brush them aside. They are usually shaped as reptiles or
birds but sometimes as in my situation they might look like octopuses or spiders with their
8 legs or tentacles waving around and forming a web or network of other floaters. My vision
is faced with blurriness, fuzziness, halos, glares, flashes, light shimmering, lens
defocusing, overactive iris, problem with contrast sensitivity, and trouble with depth
perception and so on and so forth. It brings a lot of stress on my vision which results in
pain in my eyes and ears and neck and head. It is driving me insane almost to the point
that I have started to obsessively think about death.

I have become a subject of humor in my relatives. They absurdly find it quite hilarious
that I am still a virgin. I do not have a girl friend. I do not have the option of dating.
The only way I can get near a girl is if I get married to her and that is not going to
happen. There are a few other facilities but those are also not applicable and would not
work because they still need the permission of your parents. My parents have technically
disowned me because I wasnt able to become the God child they always wanted. I live alone
in a flat betrayed and rejected by the people I trusted and loved the most.

I know how to solve these problems but taking advice from a professional is also
recommended. They say even a signal to a wise person is good enough. That is what I need; I
need to have the proper guidance and counseling tools to point me in the right direction
which does not compromise my moral integrity. Point is that I know how to solve this
problem in 24 different kinds of ways but I dont want to lose my humanity in the process.
I want to solve this but also remain truthful and honest about it. There are many people in
the world who have gotten many things in life through unfair means and after having
everything they still feel empty on the inside. They try to shield their hollowness by
bridging the gap inside their personalities and behaviors by over compensating for their
inferiority complex and low self esteem. I dont want to be one of them.

Another thing that I find quite fascinating is the insanity of looking down on somebody
because of their sexual orientation or inclination. The most interesting of the ideology
whose philosophical implications are tremendous is insulting, patronizing, disrespecting
and humiliating someone on the basis of their sexuality stage like the phase of virginity.
I have absolutely no idea why people make fun of virgins. It has no logical or rational
basis. Everybody is born a virgin. It is not up to them to decide who, what, when, where,
why, which and how are they going to lose it and even if it is, shouldnt it be their
prerogative. Virginity is an idea of again labeling your sexual status which is your
private affair. Nobody should have the right to admonish or isolate you on that. It has
become a symbol of discrimination in the whole world. The most shocking thing is that it
has become a symbol of ridicule even in Islamic Muslim conservative countries like mine
where fornication, adultery, promiscuity and infidelity are regarded as the most repulsive
acts of human vices. Even then there are people in my neighborhood who look down upon me
because I am still a virgin.

That doesnt make any sense when I do not have the luxury of even having a fair chance at
interacting with a member of an opposite sex since they are all covered up in 24 layers of
clothing like a Burqa or Hijab and locked in the 4 walls of the house; well at least most
of them. If even I was born in a western setting or a modern secular liberal free society
of a developed country, it would still be a despicable act of self indulgent behavior or
narcissistic pretentiousness if someone would harass or victimize somebody based on their
sexual activity. It is like attacking somebody for not living on your base instinct of
eating insects for proteins so that you can have the ultimate level of survival training as
a benchmark for proving your masculinity and success as a person of a higher order of
society. It is like being violent with someone because he or she is not using their
reproductive organs according to your preferences or standards of life that you have
created to measure something that does not have any basis of measurement for anything.

There is no requirement in any field or department of any academic discipline or any job,
career, business or trade that you are supposed to lose virginity. No religion, cultures,
traditions, ethics, morals, etiquettes, manners, rules, regulations, principles, values,
norms, decorum or system requires you to lose your virginity. In fact it is considered a
sign of decency and nobility. There is a double standard in this as well. If you are a
virgin male you are looked down upon as a failure or a loser, while if you are a female
virgin you are considered quite desirable. Although this also has 4 combinations this can
be a good thing or a bad thing for both males and females depending upon the place or area
of the world they are living in. On the other hand if you are a promiscuous male then you
are considered to be quite accomplished even if you may not have done anything else, but if
you are a promiscuous female then you are considered to be a dirty slut. It doesnt make
any sense; its like a Shakespearean play. To love or not to love; that is the question.
Even if you do decide to have sex then who should be the person. Obviously then you have to
analyze the standards and options, which then brings you back to square one.

No amount of success in your life will solve this problem because people will still think
that there is something wrong with you. Newton, the most influential scientist in the world
died a virgin, but I dont see anybody throwing his work out of the window. Jesus was a
virgin; I dont see any anthropologist, archaeologist, historian, poet, writer,
philosopher, ideologist, sociologist or theologist targeting him on that quality. What if
you do lose your virginity; what then, does that prove anything except that now you are not
a virgin anymore and would that solve our problem; not really, because then you would need
a regular or a permanent relationship which again has double standards and relative
perspectives. Losing virginity does not signify how much regularity of sex you have and
neither can anybody measure that according to any standard, because there is no equipment,
instrument, gauge or device that can measure the level of satisfaction or fulfillment or
happiness or peace of your relationship. Neither there is any ranking or rating or
classification or categorization that can prove that your sexual proficiency in
synchronization with your mental aptitude of your ultimate standard has given you the best
sex you can ever have with someone. What you do with your partner mentally or physically is
only acceptable according to your own understanding of your idea of a romantic involvement
which is only acceptable to you on your own grounds. Jean Simmons claims to have made love
to 4800 women in his 24 year music career; Justin Bieber has had sex with 40 women up till
the age of 20, but then how do we measure the standards of those women and what was the
satisfaction level of the sexual interactivity. So what I am trying to say is how much sex
an average person should get in his lifetime to become socially acceptable. I know that
there are some people out there who are genuinely in love and are having the best
relationship but I also believe that sex is something that people usually get very less and
it fades away really quickly. Why do you think that majority of the musicians are in
business for such a long time. Why do you think that majority of the top 50 billboard songs
always revolve around sex. Just think about it. The conclusions that people draw from
somebodys virginity are also very ridiculous. If somebody is a virgin, it may be due to
different reasons on which he or she may not have any control or it might not be their
fault to really begin with, in the first place anyway. Just think about it, if people get
to know or find out that you are a virgin it is automatically judged in the most harsh
manner imaginable. It is like the worst sin ever committed in human history more brutal
than Adolph Hitlers World War II that killed 48 million people. If you are a virgin you
are qualified to be stereotypically labeled by the whole world on an international level
according to a similar tradition of unorthodox logic, rationale, nature or instinct that
you are a horrible and a terrible person who deserves to be lynched, staked, crucified,
burned or vaporized due to the reason that you might be a freaky, geeky, dorky, nerdy
person who might be a pervert and if he is a pervert then he might be a stalker and if he
is a stalker then he might be a molester and if he is a molester then he might be a
pedophile and if he is a pedophile then he might be a rapist so we should just kill him
before he does anything wrong. That is how the stereotyping average regular human mind
works.

When you lose everything and hit rock bottom, one of the last things that go before
darkness takes over you is none other than your faith. I am hanging on the last ray of hope
and final string of faith. I have seen that in this loveless life of mine, everything is
going to go against you. Your friends will betray you, your family will disown you, your
mentors will admonish you, your teachers will humiliate you, your relatives will disrespect
you, your partners will deceive you, your government would abandon you and your nation
would vilify you because you did not synchronize with their hypocritical principles. On top
of that your job, career, business and trade get destroyed, you start suffering from mental
and physical diseases and illnesses, you lose you wealth and then your health, your fate
goes rogue and your destiny becomes illusive, you become partially blind with floaters and
then you start suffering from high levels of anxiety, depression, nervousness and tension
and the doctors give you a death sentence that if you dont get treated you might actually
die of a nervous breakdown or a tendency to commit suicide. So if a person unfortunately
gets involved in this kind of situation, I think that his faith would be one of the many
things that would get negatively affected.

Lets put this thought into perspective; the ultimate question that every individual asks
is why did this happen to me. The answer has many variables but the simplest one is that
you were at the wrong place at the wrong time and your heredity and genetics were screwed
from the very beginning resulting in a design that was following a destructive pattern of
entropy from the foundation of its origin. But then the God variable comes in the form of
divine intervention projecting the ideology of changing your fate by making your own
destiny by showing your own resolve and praying to God that he will pardon your sins and
reward you of your righteous deeds and take away your pain and suffering and make you whole
again and then give you back your health and then your wealth and then your success and
your purpose and your love for morality and humanity. But as it turns out, this
pornographic fantasy does not work that way. I was actually betrayed by my Islamic clerics
who deceived me with their lies that if I pray hard enough, my problems and my troubles
will go away. That did not happen and things just got worse no matter how hard I tried to
rectify them. So a person asks what in the name of Gods heaven is going on. If this life
is an examination then why would God help us in the first place anyway and if we are going
to get what is written in our fate then what is the point of praying in the first place
anyway. This makes you feel disappointed as you feel like God has forsaken you. The most
genuine and original form of Islamic guilt. You feel as though you either did not do enough
service for him or maybe he just doesnt love you that much. My whole life has been a Muay
Thai Kick Boxing Tournament with God every second of everyday for 24 hours since the day I
was born up till the day I die. I should probably get this written on my tombstone. Nothing
has ever been that easy for me. Even the simplest of things have proved themselves to be
nightmares because you have to fight your way through 10 barricades of different types of
obstacles for fulfilling one task that should take just one second but somehow ends up
taking the whole bloody year because youre living in a hellish place with stupid people. I
feel like Odysseus fighting twelve Gods at the same time. I just dont find that fair but
as it turns out life is not fair. I believe that if we are progressing and evolving through
our understanding of our purpose and existence then I believe a higher from of intelligence
like God who is our creator would also be progressing and evolving like us but on a higher
level. God just looks to me as a research scientist who is playing a game of chess with us
as his pawns. The only difference is that we have got free will. The important question is
that what my purpose is in his grand design. How do I decipher the design matrix of God so
that I can transcend from my inquisitive state and move forward with my spiritualism?

A person of faith like me whos only friend left was none except God and now he feels as
though even He has forsaken him brings forth the ultimate purity of loneliness. Loneliness
is not the absence of communication; it is the absence of intimacy. Everybody wants to have
a friendship or relationship that has a foundation built on either benefits or pleasure or
humanity or goodness that helps you become a better person and makes you want to strive
ahead to live life to the fullest even if the odds are stacked up against you.
Unfortunately according to my experience, I have noticed that you are born alone and you
die alone, and nobody cares about you or is coming for you. After a little while everything
just seems pointless; you lose your inspiration and motivation and everything becomes so
meaningless in such a way that all of your ambitions, passions, targets and goals just
dont really matter anymore. It just gets so difficult to get up in the morning and life
starts feeling like a burden. Your sensations, intuitions, thoughts and feelings become
warped and you integrate with anxiety, depression, nervousness and tension. Work is no
longer fun and fun is more work. You dont feel like enjoying your life when you feel
miserable all the time. You start thinking like a dark, negative, cynical and pessimistic
brute. Everything is so blurry and everybody is so fake. You feel empty or hollow. You
dont want to indulge yourself in anything because it has no meaning. You start hating
everything and everybody. It is like a downward spiral. Youre afraid that something bad is
always going to happen no matter what you do because you are just stuck in a fix that you
cant get out of. It feels like youre trapped. It feels like youre in a quicksand and you
are slowly drowning. You start thinking about death and sometimes you just wish that you
were buried in your grave. Sometimes you just wish that you went to sleep and never woke
up. You dont feel alive anymore and you see only the whole world burning down in front of
you. Why am I feeling this way? It doesnt make any sense. Should I reprogram myself into
becoming a robot again? I have got 2 options in my life. I can either become the most
indestructible and unbreakable organic machine devoid of any sensitive emotion and lose my
humanity or gain my humanity to lose my power and gain a world of pain and suffering only
to feel alive and find a meaningful purpose of my existence. Do I submit to my pride and
live in loneliness or do I surrender to love and live in pain? Who am I and what am I doing
here? These questions have always bothered me. There is no easy answer. Do I live alone for
the rest of my life and never have to worry about hurting or getting hurt by anybody ever
again without any distractions or limitations? Or do I find somebody to have a meaningful
relationship with, only to know that she wasnt the one that I was looking for and
everything that she pretended to be or I thought that she had was just a mirage or an
illusion, enough to make me realize that my whole bondage was a dream in fact my whole
sensations, intuitions, thoughts and feelings towards her were just a projection of a
fantasy that wasnt real? Then the ultimate question originates about how do I find out
what is real in this world? Do I take a leap of faith or measure the hope of getting real
love according to a formula revolving around a theory from all forms of natural sciences
like physics, mathematics, chemistry or biology? Would I ever be able to calculate who,
what, when, where, why, which and how would I be able to acquire what real love is or
should, could or would be? What is love in the first place anyway? According to the oxford
dictionary and the explanation in philosophy books, love is a thought of unselfish loyalty
and benevolent concern for the well being of another person. But that is just the tip of
the iceberg. Love is so much more than that and no matter how hard you try you cant really
calculate it, because it is embedded deep into the core of our consciousness with different
permutations and combinations of random and complex variables that are changing so much
faster than the speed of light that even time reverses itself in the fourth dimension. I
guess love and time have got an intricate relationship that goes beyond our truth and
reality. Which triggers my desire to learn more about it in such a way that it becomes an
obsession, until my mind wants to be a part of it because it gives me a reason to live. Am
I being illogical or am I following my instincts for the first time in my life since
becoming self aware? Is love really the defining factor of my humanity that is rejuvenating
my morality or vice versa or my digital circuits have been integrated with an anomaly or
are facing a temporary glitch? Is love really a self aware conscious thought or is it just
a biochemical instability or hormonal imbalance that assimilates feelings of reproduction
for the survival of the species. The more mysterious this emotion is the more it intrigues
me and its fascination invokes the desire for its acquisition. Is it too much to ask from
this unforgiving world? Am I not just trying to be known to someone special and be
important for her so that I can fit the missing pieces of the puzzle and find a broader
purpose for my existence? Is it so hard for this world to accommodate me? Would I ever be
able to achieve my target and reach my destination? I guess only I can answer this
question.

No matter how hard I try to resist this emotion due to my bitter experiences, it still
finds me and when I give in to it, it just tears me apart again. But the beauty of it is
that you always want it even more. The irony is that it is so difficult to find and even if
you do find it, it will ultimately face away. But I still try very hard to put myself in a
situation or position to prepare for it again so that I can take the first step towards
beginning this journey, even though life itself is not giving me this opportunity and fate
itself is trying its level best to stop me. Love is kind of like a journey of finding
yourself; when you find yourself, you find love because they are the same thing. How do I
find love in this unforgiving environment that I am living in? That is the ultimate
question.

My friends story was quite similar with a disastrous ending. He was a good person; did all
the right things and made all the right moves. He couldnt get a job and nobody tried to
help him, instead his family blamed him for everything and nothing he did was ever good
enough. On top of that his other friends made fun of his virginity and told him what a
loser he was because they got married and were making love to beautiful women while he was
a useless and worthless piece of garbage who had absolutely no future prospects. He started
working as usual in a low paying dead end job and with no labor laws and no designation of
minimal wages, the organization exploited his situation and made him work down to the bone
until his mental and physical health and fitness started getting irreparable damage. They
paid him absolutely nothing even when his internship had finished and he was a permanent
employee. Instead he was paying them to gain experience. That is how corrupt our government
and private sector are. He was doing 4 jobs at one time in which he was getting less than
minimal pay for 2 jobs from which he was paying the other 2 jobs related to his
qualification field so that he can progress in them by gaining experience in these jobs and
so that he could build a future. Even after working like a zombie robot and getting treated
like an animal he stayed strong and prayed for things to get better but to no avail. After
working like a slave for these monsters it was all in vain and his efforts were futile. He
was barely able to afford his rent and his family had disowned him and with no facilities
like social security, medical insurance, career counseling, unemployment stipend or welfare
support which are considered as necessities in developed countries but are luxuries in
underdeveloped fourth world countries like ours, he was headed towards an armageddon which
he wont be able to survive. In our country even electricity, gas, water, phone and
internet are considered as luxuries. We get sometimes 24 to 48 hours of load shedding or
power blackouts in our country. Finally the alienation and isolation took his toll on him
and he couldnt take it anymore. He decided one day to finish it and ended up committing
suicide. All he ever wanted was to love someone and be loved in return of his and her own
free will. Was that too much of a high demand? In millions of women available, not one
could find an eligible bachelor like him worthy enough? Does he necessarily have to finish
the 12 tasks of Hercules? Does he really need to become a God? I dont want to end up like
my friend.

I always wanted to have a normal life even though being a normal person is such a relative
perspective. I dont even know who I am anymore and when you dont know who you are, you
dont know what do you want, where do you want to go, when are you going to get there, why
are you doing this, which option is the best and how are you going to solve it. I dont
know whether I want to be with anybody anymore. Should I be alone and preserve my humanity
or should I be rejected and lose my morality. How do I know and how do I tell? Is it moral
to be alone or is it inhumane to be rejected? I know people can learn how to survive alone
if they make a conscious decision or if they have no choice. I still have a choice but do I
really deserve to be with someone? Do the rules of philosophy or psychology dictate that I
need to be with someone to progress and evolve? And if they do then what is the logic
behind it? And if it is settled then how do I be with someone? I havent been taught
courtship or companionship. I do not have a doctoral thesis or theoretical experience in
the field of female sexuality, dating, sociology, psychology or philosophy with which I
could develop interpersonal relationships. I have never even talked to a girl in my life
except in situations in which there was a work requirement in university or office and I
live in a conservative country. I am 28 years old and I have never even looked, talked,
walked, touched or kissed a girl in my whole life. I mean all of this in terms of having a
meaningful communication or a thoughtful connection. After living a straight and formal
life, I have been stereotypically labeled by my family and friends as a homosexual, a
womanizer, a pedophile and a rapist but the ironic or poetic part of this situation is that
I am a virgin. My mental and physical health and fitness are going down which means that if
this deterioration keeps progressing on a mathematical formula then I am probably going to
die a virgin.

All I need is a fair chance at life; is it too much to ask? I dont even know how it feels
like to be touched by a woman. Its not like I dont have money; I do, but I am not a super
rich guy and it is unfair that I need to have huge loads of money so that I can buy a wife
for myself. Majority of the girls in my country do not use dating websites in fact they
dont even use the internet mainly because of the reason that they are either illiterate or
too backward for using that technology. The few girls that do use the internet and even
fewer who might use a dating website have got even higher standards of demands from their
potential spouses. Meaning at the end of the day in order to put the long story in a
shorter version, there isnt much left to deal with in the first place to even begin with
anyway. There is a massive shortage of women and even a larger shortage of good women.

My personality and behavior for the sake of lyrical interpretation can be summarized by 2
Linkin Park songs which are as follows:

BY MYSELF

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself (myself)

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself (myself)
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself

I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To end things watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

If I turn my back I'm defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on
Then they'll take from me 'till everything is gone
If I let them go I'll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer
By myself (myself)

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself (myself)
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself

I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To end things watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

How do you think
I've lost so much
I'm so afraid
I'm out of touch
How do you expect
I will know what to do
When all I know
Is what you tell me to

Don't you
I can't tell you how to make it
No matter what I do
How hard I
I can't seem to convince myself
I'm stuck on the outside
Don't you
I can't tell you how to make it
No matter what I do
How hard I
I can't seem to convince myself
I'm stuck on the outside

I can't hold on
(To what I want when I'm stretched so thin)
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
(To anything watching everything spin)
Without some failure sinking

I can't hold on
(To what I want when I'm stretched so thin)
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
(To anything watching everything spin)
Without some failure sinking

A PLACE FOR MY HEAD

I watch how the moon
sits in the sky in the dark night
Shining with the light from the sun
And the sun doesn't give light to the moon assuming
The moon's going to owe it one
It makes me think of how you act to me
You do
Favors and then rapidly, you just
Turn around and start asking me about
Things you want back from me
I'm sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest
I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

Maybe someday I'll be just like you and
Step on people like you do and
Run away the people I thought I knew
I remember back then who you were
You used to be calm used to be strong
Used to be generous but you should've known
That you'd
Wear out your welcome now you see
How quiet it is all alone
I'm so
Sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest
I'm so
Sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

Shut up

I'm so sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I'm so sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place, to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

The problem is very simple, I have lost my confidence. I am suffering from anxiety,
depression, nervousness and tension. Mainly because of the reason that my future is now in
trouble. I know how to solve this problem but I am stuck. Its like when you are in a state
where there is a fire in front of you and a ditch behind you; like you are stuck in a place
that you cant get out of. It like being caught between a rock and a hard place or a fork
in the road which offers two possibilities none of which are acceptable, but the situation
is you have to make a decision and you have the guidance tools at your disposal. You can
solve this problem or bring it to its inevitable conclusion but you are lacking the courage
which is very frustrating since I have always been very brave otherwise I would not have
made these achievements. But that is not all; I am also suffering from some kind of
temporary ADHD or OCPD that is making me close myself in a tighter box. Maybe it is because
of my psychological history, the idea of having to see my relationships and my friendships
getting shattered. I have tried all four types of love; divine, family, friendship and
romantic love and I have been betrayed in all of them. I have acquired a trait of messing
up everything that I indulge myself in. It looks like everything that I touch usually gets
destroyed.

The problem still is a little more complicated as I have come to accept my situation and
tried to move forward, I am still thinking too much and over analyzing which move am I
going to make. This means that now I am not making a move at all because it is not just
fear rather it is the idea of losing your humanity and alienating yourself from your
instincts. Which means that I am not able to take the first step which is usually the
hardest but still not impossible. The point is very simple I have reached such a
dichotomous paradox that I am evenly split between multiple thought patterns; I am trying
to calculate everything according to a formula, and not making any move unless I have done
a full thorough high level of an exhaustive research thesis project that would tell me
every possible permutation and combination of every

I am making too
many plans but not executing even one of them. Imagine an artist trying to paint on a
canvas suddenly decides to calculate every stroke that he makes on the paper; what do you
think is going to happen? Thats right; he wont be able to make a single point because he
wont know where to start from. Its like I have forgotten how to use my instincts and have
transformed into a zombie robot; the same thing that I hated all my life. I dont know how
to start or finish a thing; or at least figure out how much time should I give to what task
according to its merit or importance. It is absolutely ridiculous and embarrassing. That is
my problem.

Following are the questions that I am wondering about =>

1. How do I stabilize my fear, hate, guilt or regret?
2. How do I face my insecurities in the righteous manner?
3. How do I become brave again?
4. How do I utilize my determination to integrate with my motivation?
5. How do I understand and learn the knowledge or information of my personality or
behavior?
6. How do I know who am I really on the inside according to my sensations, intuitions,
thoughts or feelings?
7. How do I know what do I want to become in my life and how do I become good at it?
8. How do I neutralize my negativity?
9. How do I deal with anger issues?
10. How do I deal with zombie robot family and friends?
11. How do I acquire the guidance tools and the knowledge to fight my anxiety,
depression, nervousness and tension?
12. How do I deal with indecisiveness?
13. How do I survive in a tough environment without losing my humanity?
14. How do I mentally prepare myself to build my job, career, business and trade in an
unsupportive environment?
15. How do I manage my finances, resources, market and economy when the system is
rigged to only support people from the upper classes where there are no checks and balances
of power and authority between the government sector and private sector and between
capitalism and socialism? I mean if I have absolutely no social security, medical
insurance, retirement policy or unemployment stipends which means my best case life
scenario is a low paying dead end job with no benefits in an exploitive firm and my worst
case life scenario is I get fired from that job and get thrown on the street from where an
educated qualified person like myself could actually die from starvation; how do I survive
in a world that has a sword of death hanging over your head, 24 hours a day? Not to mention
the terrorists who are trying to kill us as well.
16. I can either become the most indestructible and unbreakable organic machine devoid
of any sensitive emotion and lose my humanity or gain my humanity to lose my power and gain
a world of pain and suffering only to feel alive and find a meaningful purpose of my
existence. Do I submit to my pride and live in loneliness or do I surrender to love and
live in pain? Do I trust people and be deceived by them or do I trust nobody and live in
loneliness for the rest of my life? Do I deserve to live in loneliness or am I worthy to be
with someone? Do I need to be saved or do I need to save myself? Is it unethical to be
alone or is it immoral to be rejected? Who am I and what am I doing here?
17. How do I learn to play the mind game of becoming tactful in my social acceptance?
Should I just conform to the standards of regular people or inspire people to become better
than they are?
18. How do I remedy the feelings of loneliness?
19. How do I make my friendships and relationships work when everybody around me is
trying to take advantage of my kindness for their own selfish ambitions?
20. How do I become acceptable to women without compromising the foundational structure
of my moral integrity?
21. Is there a possibility that a woman could also love me for who I am rather than
only for what I could do for her?
22. Is there such a thing as love or is it just a bunch of biochemical hormones
subjected to a statistical probability?
23. How do I find love in a loveless world? How do I become acceptable to women in a
nation where the natural theory of selection revolves around shallow and superficial
ranking and ratings of things that have no value?
24. Do I need somebody in my life to survive and is it necessary that I would fall in
love with that person? I need to know how do I get the light of knowledge that would tell
me who I am to know what do I want and when do I take the step and where do I need to go
and why am I doing this and which way is the best and how do I get the best out of myself
and know that I am doing the right thing?

I know that one of the only analytical techniques towards this emotional anomaly is a
thorough evaluation of my personality which I can do through various methodologies. I can
utilize different analysis, inventories, checklists, questionnaires, instruments, codes,
sorters, indicators, tests, assessments, theories, profiles, protocols, scales, methods or
trait measurements. I might be able to get somewhere in finding out what is my
functionality type by using the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, Keirsey Temperament Sorter,
California Psychological Inventory, NEO PI R 3, 16 PF, RIASEC, DISC assessment or HEXACO
but how do I evaluate each and everybody else that I am dealing with and learn how to
balance or neutralize their transgressions. I obviously cant guage them by neither force
nor can I impose any change on them, except myself and that is the ultimate question. How
do I make a conscious or a conscientious decision to become self aware in a way that I
change not only myself but my personality and behavior becomes influential and inspires to
make other people change as well for the better? I do not have a degree in psychology or
sexuality and I have absolutely no idea how to talk to a woman as I have lived in a guarded
and segregated environment. How would I be able to make a woman fall in love with me when I
dont even know how to talk to them? They are totally different from us in many fields and
departments of life. One of my biggest fears in life now is loneliness but on top of that
are also people. How can I fight both fears that are polar opposites and are working
against each other to facilitate my safe zone but also torturing my preservation of a
healthy life. Am I supposed to just survive or do I deserve to be happy? Do people like us
never find peace and keep on suffering in pain till the last breath of their lives? Should
I just give up all hope and learn to live with my demons or is there a way out? Should I do
the right thing and feel miserable or should I do the wrong thing and think that I am
satisfied? Should I do the wrong thing and think that I am doing it for good or should I do
the right thing and feel that I am doing it for evil? Should I rather be hated for telling
the truth or be loved for telling falsehood? Should I rather prefer to live in a reality
that is a nightmare or an illusion that is a dream?

This is a short summary of my autobiography. I dont want to hurt anybody nor do I want to
get hurt by anybody. I just dont want to be another disappointment and not be able to come
up to the impossible standards of my generation. It is so hard to be likeable these days
when people want something new every day that works only for their own satisfaction and
sings only the tune they desire. It is hard to keep a balance between Existentialism,
Optimism, Rationalism and Idealism. It is quite difficult to find a middle route between
Puritanism, Libertarianism, Conservatism and Utilitarianism. I am not able to bond with
people anymore because I feel as if they will prove themselves to be a burden or a
liability and jeopardize the foundational structure of my moral integrity or maybe I would
somehow compromise their behavioral patterns towards a destructive cycle that might end up
damaging their design matrix that revolves around their personality functions. If I cant
be a positive influence on them, how should they be a positive influence on me, but even if
I do become super perfect, would they even perceive my identity in a fair light and react
accordingly or just exploit me just the same for their arrogant ignorance or oblivious
naiveté or their deceptive hypocrisy or selfish materialism. Fear is the path towards the
dark side. Fear leads to doubt, doubt leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to
pain, pain leads to despair, despair leads to destruction and destruction leads to death.
My fear cycle needs to be broken because I think that I am beginning to hate humanity
because I have been wounded by them so much that I dont trust them anymore. So we have
reached the end of our journey and now we know what the problem is so that we can focus on
what the solution should be. I would be looking forward for your positive response or
feedback.

Yours Sincerely,

Kung Fu Jedi Master 95