Anxiety all over the place

First post and not sure where to start, I just need to vent. Ive been feeling really depressed and anxious over different aspects of my life and its getting so mentally and physically draining.

Ive always had bad body issues but lately theyve been so much worse. Been binge eating like crazy both as a sort of comfort and punishment. Ive gained over 40 lbs since starting my first "grown up" job 7 months ago and any attempt to lose weight or workout or develop any kind of healthy habits always fail. My weights been all over the place for years since I can never stick to healthy long term habits. But i feel especially gross now since I had taken some pictures and absolutely hated how i looked. I feel so uncomfortable in my body.

I got my first tattoo November of last year and that somehow spiraled into me getting 10 med/large tattoos in the span of 2 months. I think i believed that tattoos made me feel better about my self image, and it did at first. Now that the rush has settled I hate how some of them look and cant stand the placements of others but Im stuck with them. Theres one in particular I really dislike and am looking into getting it reworked but havent had much luck finding someone willing to do it. I also have 3 more tattoo apts i had made earlier this year and Im on the fence if I want them anymore.

I dont have many friends but 2 very close long distance ones Ive had for years. Both recently bave stopped talking to me for different reasons. It feels theyve outgrown me and its so isolating and lonely. I no longer have anyone to talk to.

One of them Ive kinda known for years that we would eventually drift apart. She has times where she stops talking to me for months bc shell find someone new to talk to but eventually when that doesnt work out comes back to me. Recently we were thinking of taking a trip and having her fly out to see me. I paid for her ticket and planned everything, from where to stay to where we could go. But she would show absolutely no interest in anything. Originally we planned for last december but she pushed it out, then for this coming March but suddenly there were issues amd now shes pushing for December again. Its frustrating how i have to take into account everything on her end but she never seems to take into account how I might be busy or what I have going on. Our recent texts have been fairly dry and one sided, the last conversation was just her talking about the fun she had with a friend of hers.

With my other friend we used to talk everyday on the phone and now im lucky if i get any sort of message back. She claims its bc of her new work schedule which is fair but anytime i manage to get a hold of her she prioritizes her girlfriend over me. She cant talk or call or hang out bc shes always doing smth with her girlfriend. Recently she messaged me out the blue saying there was an emergency and she needed $25. I didnt ask questions and just sent her the money only to later find out I paid for her dinner date with her gf which is hardly an emergency and felt like a slap in the face.

Ive also been anxious about my job, i constantly feel like im going to be fired. Im not well liked here, I dont have most friendly personality so i get it. Im not good at my job and im not given a chance to learn, if i dont get it the first time thats it. My job is very people based which makes my anxiety so much worse. Sometimes i neglect part of my job bc it involves cold calling people and trying to convince them to join a study, i hate it. But bc I dont have anyone necessarily supervising everything i do, i just ignore that part of my job and get paranoid that one day theyll ask about it and i wont have anything to say other than woops sorry i was too scared to call a few ppl.

I recently decided i would try to get therapy which i was always to afraid to do, but it seemed easier since theres so many text based one now. So far havent had much luck, i either hate how they respond or they dont respond at all and leave me on read lol.

Anyway long rant over lol thanks for reading all that if you did