Anxiety and Addiction.
Since a little girl I have had vivid dreams of older men, showing affection love, caring. I did grow up with my father not around (his choice) and experienced a lot of rejection and pain. I went through sundial thoughts, making myself go hungry, ocd habits and thoughts and high anxiety. I have forgiven my father and we've mad ammends and starting to have a relationship. I've been through awful relationships and divorce.
I am still battling anxiety, disassociation and panic attacks and just started therapy. The dreams are not all the time but when they happen are so vivid I feel left longing for the arms I felt around me or the love. There is no greater love than the love of God, I know and hold fast to this truth.
I don't want to feel this horrible longing.
I have been through sexual addiction from a teen and while I don't engage in that now, I'm still trying to find how I live without chasing the high of filling the ache with sexual relationships (which always left me feeling emptier.)
Does anyone else relate to this in anyway?
I haven't opened up to anyone I know about it because I don't feel I can admit to the sexual part, I don't want to be seen as a sex addict or a bad woman.
I had a dream last night so vivid I felt myself reaching out for the person who was just a dream.
We all have addictions and while I can't say I have an addiction to sex (maybe I do I don't know). I can say that an addiction leads us to missing something. My gambling addiction has disappointed my family and left things difficult because I couldn't see beyond the chance to win. I just hoped only to miss that I was always losing. I'm struggling on my own path against gambling. I'm focusing on prepping for a new life. Maybe you can focus on prepping for what you want?
@Perpetualfear
Thank you for this. This is very well said and I really appreciate your vulnerability to share your own struggle. This is great advice- looking ahead and prepping for what we really desire. Thank you for your words <3