Anxiety and depression for years; uncomfortable around people

I've been suffering from anxiety and depression for many years.

It began as far as back as when I was in my early 20's (I'm 42 now).

I used to take meds. Took them for 4 years; then I realised they were addictive, and decided to stop.

And besides, meds are useless without therapy. And I was unable to find a good therapist (I visited several).

As a result, I tried to sort myself out. Being introverted, I was unable to connect with people --- social situations make me uncomfortable. People make me nervous. So I avoid them.

I tried sports, but that gave temporary relief.

So, I began to travel. I've been traveling for the past 4 years ---- visited 45 countries, and stayed in a few of them for some time. Traveling was my way of seeking something new, trying to find a new environment.

But, this too was temporary. I visit a place, and everything is cool, and new. But, after a while, I get bored and depressed again. So, I pack up and move on to somewhere else.

Daily, all I do is read, watch movies, and go out for long walks. I keep to myself, because I can't relate to people.

A few months ago, I began drinking. I take alcohol. As a way of relaxing............and blocking out the anxieties.

I'm smart enough to know that alcohol solves nothing. But.........don't have any other alternative

What I really need is someone to talk to............someone who understands what I am going through. I've tried to talk to a few people. People whom I thought were friends, and would comprehend. The only lesson I learned was : as bad as it is to feel this way, it's even worse when someone you trust..........someone you thought was a friend..........not only does NOT understand, but would say that you are "weak" for feeling the way you do (((((