Anxious and feeling like a failure

My partner and I have been struggling to connect due to my trauma making physical contact really difficult. We made the decision earlier in the week to just be friends and support each other as best we can that way, since then tho he has suffered a major loss, I promised him he wouldn't have to deal with that loss alone, we could figure us out later but for now I promised I'd support him in any way he needed. He was struggling yesterday and asked to come over (when he's down, being held and shown love helps) in theory I thought that would be OK but as soon as I knew he was on his way, the thought of physical contact and the pressure of him needing to be shown love, became completely overwhelming, to the point I had a full panic attack. I made him turn around and go home and he did, telling me it was OK but I know I've let him down. Today my head is a complete mess, I know he's disappointed and I'm so disappointed in myself that I couldn't put my anxiety aside even for 1 day to make sure he was ok. Now he's ignoring me all together which is fair in all honestly but I'm scared I've completely pushed him away and hurt him even more 😔