Conflicted, tired
I fight so tirelessly with my self so often now a days. It's like there's three people inside of me. Happy me, depressed/anxious me, and the real me.. huddled in a corner, scared and desperately wanting it to stop.
Happy me knows I need help and knows it's okay and so does the real me. Happy me tells me I'm strong, reminds me I have support if I just ask.. It tells me everything will be okay.
Thats when depressed and anxious me floods my thoughts telling me I'm stupid, it's okay for everyone else but me. That I'm not bad enough. It tells me so much more. It's so mean.
Me, huddled in a corner, just wants it to stop. Whether it's getting help, cutting, drugs, sleep, so much sleep...
Back and forth, fighting viciously. You have no one. Just kill yourself. You need help, it's fine. But everytime I talk about it I get attacked by myself and then I wonder if it's worth it, getting help. Sometimes I just hate myself so much. Most of the time it's so tiring I want to/need to sleep all day.
@Blurryface18
It's a vicious cycle for sure. When the negative voices get louder, they make you more stressed and anxious which makes you less able to sleep. That also makes you stressed and anxious, and everything builds on itself. It's hard to keep the happy voice louder than the negative ones when it happens.
In times like this, having support from others can be helpful. Lean on another's shoulders, if only for a moment.
Some other techniques to help quiet the negative self-talk:
This 5 minute guided mindfulness video on anxiety reduction is my go to :)
Deep breathing techniques!
Journaling - get all those thoughts out on paper rather than having it only in your mind can help alleviate some of unnoticed stress
Positive self-affirmations - even if you don't believe it, that's okay. Keep repeating them to yourself, 3 in the morning and 3 at night. "If I believe it, I'll see it." Our minds like to align with our words and actions and with enough self-affirmations, it will also change the way your inner voice speaks.
And lastly, consistency is key. No matter which of these you do, stick with it! They might not seem like they're making an impact at first, and that's okay. You're making progress if you're consistently doing these techniques, I assure you of that. That small amount of progress will build up!
If you get just 1% better each week, in one year you'll be 165% better than when you started. :o
If you get just 1% better each day, in one year you'll be 3,778% better than when you started!! :O!!
You won't noticed how far you've come until months later when you look back. But for now, just keep swimming and keeping your head above water.
We'll take it one day at a time. It's not a matter of if, but a matter of when. You'll get there. <3