Confused. Where am I at life right now?
Lost my dad five years ago. Two years after that, I resigned from my job. I left my team and join another company where I need to work alone. Shield myself from stress that I am getting from other people. I don't have any direction of what I want to achieve. A year later, I resigned again from the new company. Left with debts that my boyfriend helped me to pay. I lost my pride. I returned to my country, my home after working overseas for more than 10 years. Not enough savings, debt that I owe my sister, and my boyfriend. I have a loving family. I am not honest, indenial that I am broke. I have a supportive boyfriend and I am thinking if I deserve someone like him. Few months ago, I joined another company as financial advisor. Now, I reached the point again that I am thinking whether this is what I wanted to do. Right until now, I have broken thoughst. I only type here what comes to mind. :(
@midnightladybug
Hello! You posted this 3 days ago... I hope you're feeling somehow better about all this. I originally came here to seek help but reading your post made me think about myself, cause we're kind of on the same boat.
(Please take my "advice" with a grain of salt, since I know almost nothing about you.)
I'm glad you have a supportative boyfriend. I really am! God knows where I'd be without mine sometimes xD Your family too. Like you, nevertheless, I tend to feel more like a "burden" sometimes. Arrrgh! Getting help... Makes me feel so dependent and limited. I understand from what you that what you "owe" them is no joke. In my case at least I learned that feeling like a burden & not deserving aid is pretty much pointless. It's like our brain tried to compensate our debts by guilt. Stop it. No One is actually taking that into account, and if they ever are... Thank them and pay them back ( even if it takes time). That's literally all you can do. Feeling sorry won't do anything. It's done. Move on.
As for your carreer I find it really interesting! 10 years abroad?! I'm on my second, moved out to another city for the 3rd time and am feeling sooooooo scared. How did you go through this?
You sound frustrated because it feels like you're walking in circles ( project-quit-project...). And worse, indebted! I so much get what you mean hahaha xD (Sorry, as I said, I can relate to you!) Here what helps me: Plans. Practical plans, preferably. Sure, there are things, most of them, you can't predict and sh** will eventually happen. What do you want to do? What do you want to work with? How can you pay your debts as soon as possible, even if it requires some sacrifice? Is there anyone in your family that's gonna need you (care,support,etc) in the future? Do you have Children? If not, do you want them? Is there a place you want to visit? ( You get what I mean? Perspectives). It helps me feel better and to provide some degree of sense to all the mess I got myself into. Maybe it might work for you?
As for last, please, don't do this thing I too do towards my boyfriend xD You are conscious of what he did for you. You appreciate it. That's a sign you're not ungrateful and takes him for granted. That's a sign you deserve him. Him helping you is a sign he deserves you.
I hope it makes you feel better, even if it's for a milisecond xD Be brave :)
