Dreading returning to work
Next week I have to go back to work after 6 weeks off (school holidays, I'm a teaching assistant) and I'm 110% dreading it. I had the worst year last year, the guy I worked with was horrible to me and made me hate everyday of being there. My best buddy there was signed off in April and handed in his resignation in July, I've felt so lost without him there, he was my first friend when I joined 4 years ago, we were known as the terrible 2. Now he doesn't return my messages or my calls, All I want to know is that he's ok. I get on with everyone but feel zero connection to any of them and struggle to maintain any sort of conversation other than the pleasants of "hey how was your summer?" then I havr to lie and say it was amazing when a majority of it was spent dreading going back.
I'm desperate for a new job, I need a break from working with kids (10yrs is a long time) but it's so hard to get anything, hell, I've been applying for the past year, not one interview and it's knocked my confidence down to below the ground, made me feel worthless and a nobody.
I'm really really tempted to get myself signed off and I've not even gone back.
I know I need to see the positives, new year, new class, new teacher to work with, but I really can't.
@samipineapple
Sorry that you're in this situation. I can sort of relate. I had a job that undermined my self-esteem and made me feel completely alienated and discouraged. I went to see my parents over the Christmas holiday and when it was time to fly back, I spent a good amount of time in the airport bathroom doing my best not to throw up from the anxiety and despair.
Hopefully your new teacher will be more pleasant to work with. Is there anyone at your school that you could connect with to mentor you? And is there a mechanism where you could mentor new teacher assistants?
Hello, @samipineapple
It sounds like you're having a really hard time returning back to work due to your past experiences and it's normal to imagine that not much will change since the last year, but I guess only a change in our mindset can truly change things out there for us.. Yet if you feel that you need a break from working with kids that's probably something that would be really good for you and I hope you'll manage to find a job that suits you soon. :) Until then please stay strong and as positive as you can, looking at each day as the end of the world is so not healthy for you..
Good luck and take care of yourself! :D
