Exhausting anxiety
Hello guys! I am new here. But not new to anxiety. My first panic attack has happened when I was 15, but nobody really has explained me what was going on with me. My anxiety was getting worse and worse. Even though somehow I graduated from school, got into uni. But have started developing bad agoraphobia. It was hell. Going to uni every day, having panic attacks. There were no CBT psycholosits in my city and psycholosits i was working with didnt really help. After graduating uni I started working from home, there was less of stress but anxiety still was there. I started dating a guy, long distance relationship but he was visiting me pretty often. I was depending on my mother and him... Long story short, that was the toxic relationship and we broke up. Finally I got to that point when I went to psychiatrist and started taking antidepressants and they helped... That 1.5 was amazing. But due to panics and agoraphobia (and then Covid lockdown) I have lost all my friends, my best friend moved to another country. So again I was looking for communication online and have met a guy from another country. My mental health was so good, he and I were planning on meeting but Covid broke our plans. Then he started isolating. He was suffering from depression. But then after 8 months of communication he has confessed me that he is using drugs. I was shocked... But I was helping him, looking for rehab centers, wrote a letter to his dad and he was placed in a rehab. Week before getting out he took away status of being in relationship and I was shocked. After a short conversation he said that yes he started having a crush on some girl in the same rehab. I was smashed. We broke up ofc. After he got away form rehab he said that it was some wrong crush, nothing happened but he is not in a state of being in relationship. And that he has to concentrate on his recovery. My anxiety got back (I stopped taking pills around 4 months ago), now I am taking another but they dont seem to help. I am anxious every day, waking up and feeling nauseous, nervous, anxious. I have never stopped working before. Now i cant concentrate and thinking about my life being over. I really don't know what to do. My bad days of anxiety are back when I thought i was all fine and wont feel this anymore. It is a very long post. I am sorry if someone will read it till the end but I am in such condition when I dont know what to do and cant hold it inside.
I am truly sorry for what happend to you, you seem to have a hard life... I don't know will i help but i want to try... I too have had panic attacks. The most important thing is to never give up. I know that its hard to stay positive, i know, even when the People you trust betray you. Never, never think of ending your life because there are People who care. Don't hold it inside. Scream till you ran out of air, be desperate. You NEED to accept the life you have. I believe in destiny... Focus on the positive things, if there are none try owning a pet (trust me, dogs are incredibly supportive). I know that it is hard and that you see no way out, but there is. In order to start working on yourself you need to accept yourself, accept your anxiety, remember the good things in your past relationships, and no matter how hard it is be positive. Try talking to family and make friends (i know how hard it is) and ask for their love and support. I am Here whenever you need a talk. Please, take care♡
Sending you healing thoughts. I think it's hard to know exactly what to say because I don't want to presume to know anything about prescriptions, but what I CAN say is that medication alone usually isn't enough. A good therapist you really trust can help you identify your thought patterns, including intrusive anxious thoughts — I can say that confidently, because mine did :) And you can keep working with a psychiatrist to figure out a medication plan that works for you. You're doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, so you should feel proud of that! Just remember that regular CBT/talk therapy, in the long term, can help a lot.