Family anxiety/ fear of parents
Hi all,
I'm staying with my friend and his wife right now and their two kids. I've been feeling a bit uncomfortable, because the mom (who I don't know well) seems to yell/harshly verbally punish her kids (5-7 years old), and it makes me super uncomfortable. I'm also super on edge about family/parental stuff, because I'm actually staying at my friends' place, because I don't feel safe at my parents' place. I'm 27. I lost my job recently, and I'm now in a really stressful place of having to live with potentially emotionally abusive parents or find some other means; I'm even considering an emergency womens' shelter if I run out of friends to stay with. I really hope I can find a job asap, so I can get my own apartment again and keep my space from them. :(
Anyway, I felt morally bad about not standing up for the kids, but I didn't know how when I'm a guest in their house, and they probably won't take kindly to their parenting being criticized. Also I have social anxiety, and every time I don't speak up, because of the pressure on SA people to "man-up" and "get over" their anxiety, I feel like I'm a failure. I'm hoping maybe I can wait a week or so and maybe try to invite my friend to coffee and just explain how it made me feel. I'm going through so many stressful things rn though and didn't sleep at all last night, so idk how many stressful conversations I can handle right now.
Thanks,
Day
Day,
I can imagine how tough that is for you on several levels. If your friend is having you as a guest, I can't see any way that you can directly confront a parent about their disciple methods, even though you know it may be harmful to the kids. If there is any physical abuse, you can certainly report it anonymously, but verbal and emptional abuse is hard to quantify. Many of us who grew up that way know this from personal experience. Is there any way you can do kind things or spend quality calm time with the kids? Even giving them a listening ear might help. If you are close to the "other" parent, you might be able to have a frank conversation with them, but that might be tricky unless you have complete confidence in them.
As for you, you might try to remove yourself from the stress as much as you can - work on your personal growth and "next steps" with your full energy. Take walks, meditate, reach out to other friends for some additional support. If you can,go to a library and research jobs, transition shelter or other programs that may be available to you.
I wish you well, and I am in your corner . I am glad you could share with us.
@Daydreamer47 Wow, you have so much going on right now. In my opinion, there isn't much you can do to help those kids right now, unless you see them in actual danger. Actually, maybe you can, just by being a buddy. Every child needs as many positive adult role models in their lives as possible. If their mom stresses them out, just befriending them might make a lot of difference.
Good luck with the job search. I've done the job hunt thing before, and I also hire people, so feel free to reach out for advice.
Sorry you're in this uncomfortable position right now and I feel badly that your parents' home isn't a safe place for you. Please don't feel responsible and don't let it activate your own anxiety. I think that, if you're close enough, having coffee and a frank talk with your friend may help both of you - ideally after you have moved out.
@Daydreamer47 I feel for you. Are there places you can go for most of the day?
