Fear that the heart will hope for something again

I know I am unrealistic, and I live in dreams. As for always waiting for those who understand me and accept me as I am with all my faults and mistakes. When I feel toward someone with this feeling, I am ready to engage in a relationship, but something always happens and the events of the relationship and its memories become merely a figment of my imagination, but in reality nothing happens. This does not mean that I suffer from schizophrenia or hallucinations, but this means that when I try to achieve what I want, either this person is the opposite of what I wanted or he remains nice and lets me show my feelings in order to underestimate me or be engaged or married or in a relationship of love with another .
Now I have some feelings for my project consultant, I have known him for years but I do not know anything about his personal life. I used to think the first time I knew him he was married, but when I saw him recently, I didn't see the wedding ring with his hand. I am afraid to think about it or to make my heart meditate, especially since he did not try to encourage me, because he is kind to everyone and not to me in particular, I am afraid of thinking of someone who is not for me. In my previous experiences, every time I decided not to think of someone, I lost part of my soul. What should I really do?