Healing from Divorce, Anxiety Comes in Waves
Two months ago, my wife filed for divorce. We'd had a lot of ups and downs in recent years and I should have seen it coming. We were oil and water and her stronger personality often dominated my more laid-back one. We're learning to be co-parents of 3 kids. They moved in with her folks three hours away. That has been difficult. I have a great job with great benefits here but feel an enormous amount of pressure to be closer to my kids.
My anxiety has had waves where it will be calm and I'm able to focus on my job, my kids when I have them, and creative projects that keep me busy. And then it will rise up. When I get together with friends and find myself having a good time, I feel extremely anxious and guilty for it. I hear my kids having a hard time with something and I feel anxious and guilty for not being closer. And then there are times when I feel anxious for no reason at all. I'll meet a new friend and if she happens to be female (no dating relationships or anything), I feel guilty and anxious for that, too. I know this is all part of it but it's starting to get to me.
@Tland79
Your divorce was unlike mine, but I understand the anxiety. You had committed to your wife for a lifetime, and plans were to have children, support them, and raise them? But now, you feel guilt and anxiety when you talk to another woman (like you might be hurting the original commitment to your wife). You feel guilty with your friends when you're thinking that you should be raising your children, protecting them and having fun.
If the premise is true, then this all makes perfect sense to me. You are anxious about your previous commitment and the promises.
I can tell you that as time passes, the anxiety associated with talking to other women as not being some kind of form of cheating, will also pass. Kids are something else. My recommendation would be to spend as much time with them as you can and tell them you love them.