How other people affect our anxiety
There is someone in my life that is miserable. Unhappy with his lot in life. Angry about everything. Can't seem to have one day of positivity. Every conversation turns into something negative.
It just happened again. We couldn't even go an hour without him reliving something from the past that he has to get upset about (even though there's no reason to).
It triggers my anxiety a lot. I hate that. I hate that someone else's emotions affect me. I'm learning how to deal with it, and I am teaching myself that some people are just going to be unhappy with everything - as if they enjoy that misery. And they can cry, and moan, and complain. But it doesn't have anything to do with me. They can blame, but it's about them.
I've made some very tiny baby steps to not be as affected as much, but I could use some tips to really stop being affected, if anyone has them. I care, and I don't want to not care, but I just have to protect myself and my own emotional state because I want to be happy and live a long, happy life.
This article was helpful for me, particularly the bit on focusing on solutions, not problems.
@freshMint9376
Thanks for the article!
@freshMint9376
I'm doing most of the items in the article already. I guess I'm just not doing them well enough. :)
I hate how much the emotions of others affect me. I mean, I guess some people would look at it positively, and say that it's because I care and emphathize so much that it hits me hard. I do care. But it's almost like I'm caring at the expense of my own wellbeing.
Kind of like when I know my son is having a bad day. I automatically feel bad, and then I start freaking out, trying to solve whatever might be wrong. I can't just accept the fact that there will be bad days. And that I can't solve everything. And that I shouldn't be the one to solve everything.
The one key item from the article is that - I can't fix everything, and it's just not my job to do it. I just have to convince my brain of that and I'll be okay.
@thoughtfulmomma
Hey, I understand that you are being affected by other people's emotions, even though you are feeling that you don't think that this should happen. A good reminder is that we are in control of our own thoughts, although our primary thought might be negative. Feelings and thoughts work hand-in-hand but they are two very abstract concepts. I know that your anxiety may be heightened when other people share their upset feelings with you... that can be very hard, especially if you want to be there to support someone through what they're experiencing. It may be worth considering the establishment of boundaries with whomever you are speaking to, because your emotions should be valued and cared for just as much as theirs. How would you feel about discussing your anxiety with the person who you are speaking to? Would that be an option for you? Either way, anything that you choose to do or any decision that you decide to make is ultimately up to you. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience. I wish the best for you!
@emily2803
I have discussed with my "trigger people" what I can and can't hear from them. But some people just can't NOT talk about things, you know? Even though they know (a) I don't want to talk about it, (b) don't want to hear it, and (c) sometimes don't care about it - they continue on.
I'm learning to protect myself and my feelings. It's a long and hard road. I'm better than I was a year ago, but I have a long way to go.
@thoughtfulmomma
I understand that some people are just inconsiderate at times, even when you've established boundaries. It's unfortunate to hear that they aren't as respectful as you would be to them, as I have a feeling that you are very compassionate and empathetic when it comes to respecting other people's thoughts and feelings. With that being said, I am glad that you are still open to growth and self-improvement, even though other people may not give as much importance to the values that you have. You are so amazing and I hope that the 7 Cups community can give you the support that you're looking for!