How to deal with anxiety that stems from not wanting to disappoint other people and myself?
I found that I always get the worst panic attacks when dealing with stressful events where there is a lot of things and people relying on me to do well. I really don't know how to deal with this other than just getting through it and I would really love some advice. Thank you so much!
@raspberryField2488
Hey, Raspberry!
I find that the real heart of this sort of anxiety is helplessness. We feel helpless when certain things aren't in our control (a common one being other people's thoughts or actions). So we begin predicting something that may or may not happen. We begin telling ourselves Everyone is relying on you. You cant do this! The problem here is that these sorts of broad statements that we make arent handled well. What I like to do is to break time into chunks and think, What is REALLY in my control?
So lets say a certain person is relying on you for something, or you need to complete something important for yourself. You cant control how theyll react to your actions. All you can do is do your best with your resources. What can you do in the next 20 minutes to complete what you want or need to do? Break it into manageable pieces for your brain. Thinking only as far as 20 minutes may be able to help you a bit.
As far as with a panic attack that is already there- Its hard to remember in the moment (I definitely understand), but diaphragmatic breathing is awesome to bring you back into the moment and has a literal physical reaction to tell your brain to come out of flight mode. For this, I like to pretend Im taking a breath past my lungs, from my stomach. Focusing on this when you feel panicked might really help calm you!
I wish you the very best, lovely berry! I'm here for you (as are many listeners) if you need to talk at any time.
@ostrobogulousworld
Hey! Thank you so much for this! I'm genuinely so happy that someone replied to my post and you really made my day. I will try these tips and continue searching for ways to make myself better.
huhu I'm really happy that someone replied. It made me feel like I'm not alone and that there are people out there who genuinely want to listen and help me become better.
Thank you so much!
- Raspberry :)
@raspberryField2488 I have only gotten a panic attack maybe twice, and not in a long while. My depression and self harm stems however from the feeling that i am a disappointment to everyone. A lot of the time I get anxiety about it, about seeing a group of friends or going obver and over in my head one small thing i said that i thought upset someone or disappointed them. I always think everyone is mad at me and doesn't want to see me. The way i deal with it is just clinging to the truth. That's how i've avoided panic i think. It's just lies swirling in your head. Just tell yourself over and over and over again slowly and firmly, i am not a disappointment. i have done nothing wrong. they do like me they do love me. That's all you can do until you finally believe it
@AllieJo2020
Hi! Thank you so much for your reply :)
I can relate to what you said about how you keep going over things in your head because I also do that and it can be so hard to escape that cycle. I will follow your tip to cling to the truth and to not let the lies in my head get the best of me.
Thank you so much for sharing and for replying. I really appreciate it and it really makes me happy to feel that there are people out there who can relate to me and feel the same things I do.
- Raspberry :)
@raspberryField2488 you're very welcome. If you ever want to message me and talk about how you feel or anything at all you're welcome to do so. It's nice to have somone who feels the same way as you do. I feel so alone and crazy sometimes for my feelings. But you can't deny them.
@raspberryField2488
Hey!
I definitely experience this too. It's hard to let go of the feeling that you're going to disappoint others if you don't do well. It's really overwhelming and confusing to try and manage other people's expectations while also respecting your own. I think that's important to remember. It's important to remind yourself that you are your own worst critic and to try and let go of expectations.
I know I need to work on this too, so thanks for bringing it up.
It sucks. And it hurts so bad I sometimes want to just do what I want without that pressure in my chest