How to get rid of self isolation from friends
I've faced kinds of trauma such as being a survivor of CSA, familial child abuse and toxic friendships...How would I get rid of the amount of time I couldn't interact with my long distance friends? This is the cycle I'm stuck at, I wanna be part of their life fully yet I feel hesitant to talk them everyday particularly in the socials too, always felt like there's something stuck inside of me...So for the people who had over come this flaw...How did you do it? How can I fully believe it? My mom and my few relatives been telling me to stay positive but at what steps???
@RossyPuppy
It makes total sense to me that the experience of trauma at the hands of some people, has resulted I'm you being hesitant to be open with other people. Being open requires vulnerability and trust, and and can understand why that might be difficult for you. It would be quite scary, in fact. And one way of dealing with fear is to freeze and procrastinate.
It takes a lot of courage, and little steps to overcome this. The first thing is to work out what you might be scared of, and then think of little steps to approach that. For example, you might be afraid of making a fool of yourself in front of a group, by saying something silly. So maybe you can practice with just one person, so it's not so embarrassing if you make a mistake? And then with two people, and then with more etc.
A therapist could help you with this - figuring out with you what the problem is, and then what steps to take to overcome it.
I found that I had to try several different things before I found the solution for me. So please don't give up hope if the first thing you try doesn't work. We are all different, so it can take some time to find what works for us specifically.
Good luck.
@Clio9876
I really appreciate your input so much, but it feels surreal when things was rough few years back, the thing is the trauma is still fresh on my mind too. It's been about a year when I'm no longer from the abusive household and currently living in a new one so it feels like everything is going so fast all of sudden, and I got online friends that I met in shared interests and they are also writers and artists like me.
They in fact open up as well with me, I did the same too. I feel so grateful for the fact that they support me even tho they had to understand that I had to take my time beside taking hiatus a lot. The thing is that I'm always involved in so much trouble in the past where people would always be mean, some of my toxic friends would blame me for littlest things, I would deal with so much guilt trips, threats, etc. Heck even including my groomers doing similar things to me so I been so scared that I could start a drama just because, or I would possibly done something "disappointing" as they'd like to put it.
I still always have some of these traumatic reactions where I would often struggle to be consistent with them, because of the environment I used to be at. It makes me feel so frustrated with myself sometimes because I've made great memories with my friends, I even remember when I back read in our chat app. They missed me so much that even one of them hope that it wouldn't take so long. It hurts because this is my first time finally in a stable environment. I don't wanna self sabotage myself.
Also my mom does plan to get me to have a psychiatrist soon and would give me proper diagnosis. The thing is that my childhood and teenage life had crap going on so now I been trying my best to spot unhealthy coping mechanisms on my mind too. Luckily I did actually get to interact with a one long distance friend I had that I've known for 3 years and the one I liked too as well, and also I had an irl friend too that I've met in my alternative learning system class to improve this aspect of me.
Hopefully I'm doing a right decision despite everything, I also get to finish the artworks that I made for my friends as well too and finally stop dealing with the self depreciating thoughts that I keep facing for some reason what so ever, and that I'm working on my people pleasing behavior as well cause I'm aware that they could never work.
I appreciate the memories I made with them so much too even including the people in this website helping me to get better.
@RossyPuppy Also yeah, it's sadly true that I deal with perfectionist mindset at times too where I don't wanna able to make mistakes that could upset anyone and cause me to be embarassed. I even spotted myself when I was having an anxiety attack in my class one day when some people spotted on my overwhelmed emotions, I often run away. Which lead my two teachers to stop me and tell me that this is not the good idea to go with, we have a heart to heart talk too. It's also understandable cause my class is also neurodivergent friendly like I'm one myself.
@RossyPuppy
You are very self aware. Which is a fabulous trait for growth and self improvement. But as you observe, it can also result in us beating ourselves up for not being perfect.
I have to remind myself constantly "it's OK to make mistakes". Not only that but "it's human to make mistakes". Maybe you need some such reminders too?
And yes, getting over trauma takes a lot of time. Its a cliché, but true: try to go easy on yourself and allow yourself the time you need. I always say it's better to take your time and do a good job, than rush and have to go back and fix it. The same could be said about healing from trauma. It's worth it not to rush. And to expect that one thing you uncover, will uncover another, and there might be a few layers, before you find the thing that's holding you back.
Us Perfectionists are very good at focusing on what we need to improve. And miss the things that are already great. Make time to notice the great. You're self aware, we've already noticed that. You care about your friends. You are clearly intelligent. And I've only met you for a couple of paragraphs. I imagine that there are many other great character traits I just haven't seen yet.
Oh yes, determination. You are determined to improve.
Someone once told me I sparkled. ✨ It shocked me, because I had never thought of myself as sparkling. But you see, I was so busy worrying, I never let the sparkles shine. Try to let your Sparkles shine. Share them with other people. They are too beautiful to hide. ✨
Personally the hardest part is getting the friend but to keep them you just need to talk to them truly and the fact that they are your friends in the first place is great you just need to try to be confident in what you say learning to speak confidently
What I personally did was start streaming on twitch and practice speaking there it helped me a lot
@countingbeet734
Ironically that's what I deal a lot with, I had confidence issues in expressing my thoughts so much even tho my mom convinced herself that I'm talkative and an equivalent of social butterfly but in reality it's false though, there's reasons why I'm comfortable chatting more as well getting into fandom spaces like my favorite interests, it's exactly how I met my current friend groups too. And I was so shocked that they never intended to leave me too... Pretty much this is my first time experiencing hope for once too.
I also wish you luck so much with your twitch journey, even myself plans to make content including my stories and artworks as well, I even recall inspiring some young artists just for drawing the same favorite character that they do. Who knows there's some new streamers would be inspired by you?
@RossyPuppy
I don’t really do twitch for anything but my speech and conferences but generally it’s helpful with my speech impediment and confidence in talking
@RossyPuppy
I can relate to the feeling of not being able to open up to your friends. In my case, I had friends in my life who I wanted to confide in and who I knew were trustworthy, but trust issues and fear of getting hurt stopped me for a long time from being vulnerable with them. It is okay to give yourself some grace with time and small steps. It makes sense to feel the way you feel when having gone through the experiences you have, it is very understandable, and the fact that you are able to recognize this is amazing and already so healthy for you. Wishing you success in your friendships!
@RossyPuppy
Hello Rossy.
I’m sorry to hear about the trauma you had to go through and the struggles you must have faced because of them.
It can be really hard to keep in contact with long distance friends as an adult, since you’re all going through separate motions of life. It’s a struggle many of us face, unfortunately. I understand the need to be more involved in their lives and it shows how much you care about them as a friend. I’m sure they see it too!
Have you made progress in this so far? I’d love to hear more and I’m happy to provide my support 😊
