I (15F) just recently started gaining interest back into my hobbies. Now I

TL;DR: Ive been struggling with keeping interest in my hobbies for the past month and a half. This is most likely because of my worsening mental and increase in anxiety. I started feeling a bit better and tried to get back into some of my fandoms. It was nice for a couple of hours, but then my favorite bands lead singers son was accused of sexual abuse. Then, a similar controversy popped up in another fandom of mine. A week later, almost all my fandoms are full of controversies and Im feeling extremely anxious again.
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This is going to sound like such a teen girl problem, and it is, but its been causing me a lot of stress lately. Whenever I feel anxious or upset, I often flock to my hobbies. Music is my number one escape. Its been a large part of my life for going on 4 years now and I cant imagine my life without it. I play several instruments, always have some earbuds in, and am often researching it. This isnt my only hobby, but it takes about the majority of my interests. Within the past couple of months, Ive lost interest in all my hobbies including music. Sometimes the interest comes back, but normally, if it does come back, its just for a couple days. This is most likely caused by my worsening anxiety and mental health. Quarantine has been very rough for me. My lack of interest has been bothering me, but I started to get some interest back recently. I started with getting back onto social media, researching my favorite bands to see what I missed. The end of the tunnel was finally coming up.

Hours later, a controversy popped up with my favorite band. This year has been really rough when it comes to controversies with them, but theyre all so minor and often due to managements fault, but this one was different. I felt super anxious after learning about it and havent been able to look at them the same since. I tried to ignore it, but I wasnt able to get it off my mind for about 5 days. I lost all interest in my hobbies again. I tried to sneak back into some of my other fandoms which I now regret. Of course, just my luck, my other two biggest fandoms (also bands) were also scrambling over controversies. None of them are about the members themselves, but instead relatives and friends. The thing is, if they allowed some of this stuff to happen (abuse, pedophilia, sexual assault, and, though more minor, sexism/racism/homophobia/etc.), its hard to respect them.

I never thought I put my favorite musicians on pedestals. Yes, I do admire and respect them, but I dont see them as these godly beings or anything. Honestly, I like seeing facts that make them more human. And, yes, I do have standards for them, but theyre the same standards I have for everyone else (abuse, sexual assault/rape, cheating (not as bad as the others but still), murder, etc.). It doesnt matter if I know them personally or if I mostly see them through a screen, Ill be let down if they ever break any of my standards.

Its been over a week since I found the first controversy and a couple days since Ive witnessed the others. Though they shouldnt affect my life, Ive worried and overanalyzed them to the point where I feel kind of empty once again. I dont feel as anxious about it (thanks to a couple of listeners) but it still lingers. I still cant see them the same. If someone would just say something clearing all of this it would be such a relief, but I dont see that happening anytime soon. Ive dedicated years to these guys and its hard just to throw it away— especially considering Ive looked up to them so much. It's difficult to erase every poster, flag, CD, t-shirt, autograph, concert ticket, and signature guitar from my life. Am I overreacting? Probably. I just dont know what to do.

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I've explained some of the controveries that have been bothering me below. It's really long, I apologize, but it's nice to vent about them. I used fake names because, even though this is public knowledge now, the new controversies aren't that well known outside of the fan bases so I don't want to tarnish how you view any of these guys- especially if you happen to be a fan. Also, I know a lot of this will probably seem like nothing but it's odd for me... so...

So, my favorite musician, Bill (false name), who Ive looked up to for over three years now, son was accused of sexual abuse of a minor last week. I dont know what Bill knew or if he was complicit but the thought of him knowing and not caring terrifies me. For decades, he has spoken out against sexual assault and abuse. He was a feminist before it was cool. So, if allowed all of this, I would be extremely disappointed. On top of this, someone mentioned him cheating on his wife. Ive heard this before and passed it off because most musicians have these rumors around them (even Paul and Linda, who are known for being faithful to each other). There wasnt any evidence outside of some song lyrics. When I looked into it further, I found someone on Tumblr claiming that they had a theory that was proven by someone connected to the band. They wouldnt say what it was on their main page, so I contacted them. They then told me that Bill and his wife are in an open marriage and they dont even love each other that much. She said that her friends best friend was told this by a bandmates ex-wife. I was extremely disappointed. Even though Im not normally bothered my open marriages (I dont understand them but its fine if someone chooses to be in one), this one really got to me. I had always seen this couple as a role model couple. Even though theyre in the rock and roll lifestyle, it was always said that they were monogamous and very, very in love. Bill mentions her every five seconds and looks at her in ways that are hard to fake. Ive heard rumors of an open marriage because hes bisexual (which, to be clear, doesnt automatically make someone polyamorous) and is affectionate with friends, but I always believed him when he said he was monogamous. This was a month ago. I forgot about it after I talked to someone about it (who had no idea who this person was to remove bias). Now Ive been reminded as this friend of hers has mentioned some more rumors. Supposedly, the wholesome family unit is actually very toxic. The family doesnt get together at all, which is also extremely surprising seeing how close they seem. Sure, no family is perfect but the user was hinting at physical fights. Thats kind of extreme. I talked to someone on a fan website and they happened to also know someone connected to the band. Her partner grew up with the band and, even though they arent super close, theyre still in contact. She said that even though he and his son havent been too close for the last couple years (the son grew up to be... not great), she hasnt seen anything hinting towards a toxic family unit. She said she doubts that theyre in an open marriage. A lot of the evidence towards the open marriage (rumored hook up with Winona Ryder, onstage relationship with bandmate, etc) isnt true or can be explained in other ways. She says that her partner hasnt seen anything that would indicate an open marriage. When it comes to the situation with his son, she said that Bill is completely heartbroken and didnt know. I want to believe her and I feel like shes telling the truth but my mind is so messed up right now that I dont know. She mentioned some other things that made me think its true. She mentioned him struggling with his mental health. Even though theres no proof to the public about this, I always had a gut feeling about it. At first, my gut feeling was that the ex-wife wasnt telling the truth but now I dont know... This happens a lot. I over-analyze my thoughts leaving me feel anxious and confused.

Then, I have another musician who I admire, Steve (fake name, once again). His past has been problematic (questionable jokes on vine and some comments made on stage), but it seems like hes grown as a person. Hes, like Bill, very vocal about supporting minorities and has created his charity to support a group of them. A couple years ago, the touring guitarist was revealed to be very creepy to younger fans. He was kicked out immediately and hasnt had any contact with the band since. Now, two years later, the security guard and very close friend of Steve has been outed to do the same things. Along with this, people have brought up hundreds of tweets showing sexism, racism, homophobia, ableism, fatphobia, etc. and stories of him just being an incredibly disgusting human being. The ex-bassists wife came up saying she knew but had to silent about it so her husband could keep his job. I was extremely disappointed but gave Steve and the rest of the band the bee fit of the doubt. Thats until someone pulled up a video from about five years ago showing Steve making jokes about a nude wallpaper that this security guard/friend was creating with underage nudes. He has since changed, but its still disappointing to see. Im starting to worry that this change wasnt genuine and hes the same guy he was a decade ago (which, to be clear, isnt too bad but its still disappointing). Along with this, I found old posts about him being abusive to a long time (now ex) girlfriend. This was on MySpace and its been wiped from, the intent. Supposedly, as current fans say, the statement about rung a shove wasnt by the ex and the ex defends him saying it was all BS. Is that true? I dont know, but it hurts.

Theres a bunch of other controversies but those are the main two that stick out. I always look for dirt on people before trying to Stan them but this was long before and of these controversies. I dont know what to believe, who to believe, but I know its going to be hard looking at some of these guys again.