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I (15F) feel so disconnected to myself and I’m afraid I’m just growing up, but I’m not ready and am having a lot of anxiety over it

Anxiety Support / by convivialSea6241

July 1st, 2021

...See more TL;DR: I (15F) got so anxious last year due to the pandemic that (in June 2020) I became empty, unmotivated, and disinterested in what I loved (family, friends, hobbies). Because of this, I lost the sense of myself, or the empowering feeling that this is truly “me”. Because a big part of me is often a phase for teens (emo/alternative), I’m afraid I’m just growing up, but I’m not ready to say goodbye to this side of me yet (or my friends and hobbies). I can’t imagine myself as anyone else as I’ve been like this for 3-4 years now. I just want myself back (with some healthier changes), but I’m afraid my passion, emotions, interests, and love are gone forever ____________________________________________________________________ I keep finding myself worrying about a loss of self and passing time. I’ve been worrying about a variety of things around May of 2020 due to being stuck inside with the pandemic and the looming fact that COVID wasn’t going anywhere, but they all seemed to follow the worry of time passing and not feeling like myself anymore. It got too overwhelming back in June of 2020, and I had a period of time where I felt completely numb, disinterested in everything I loved, and very unmotivated. It went away for a bit and I was relieved, but it came back shortly after and I’ve been like that ever since. My worries got more and more general as time went on. I’m so sick of worrying about all of these things, and I just want my past self back. One of my biggest worries was my loss of interest and passion in the things I loved. It seems like all the hobbies I’ve ever had just left me. It got to the point where I was anxious thinking about my hobbies (especially the ones I loved the most before quarantine), but I’ve finally been able to get a bit more into them lately. I’m not anxious about them anymore. That being said, I still worry my love and interest will never be the same. There was this band I was counting down the days to see live in concert. It was postponed, and now it’s in a month, and I’m more worried than excited now. It hurts because the band got me through a lot and it scares me how much my anxiety can ruin something like that. How much I would love if I would be able to enjoy that concert like I would’ve before. It’s even worse with family and friends. I have to force myself to text friends so I don’t lose them, but the platonic love and desire to hang out and talk is gone. They haven’t been the same either, as several of them have had to start going to theory after a mental health decline last year. I used to love being with my family too, but now I struggle to live in the moment whenever we do anything and no one seems the same after the pandemic. I can’t help but miss the times before the pandemic where I had this excitement (though I was never an excitable person), love, and interest. I didn’t realize how much better I was doing Apologies if this sounds “cringey” or stupid, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately. Due to losing interest in the things I love and what makes me “me”, I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. This is terrifying and makes me want to cry whenever I think about it because for years, that’s been my favorite thing about myself: I know who I am and I refuse to change for anyone. I’ve never had issues trying to figure out who I am or want to be. Now I’m afraid I’m never going to get my sense of self back. One of the biggest worries here is the thought that what I had in my heart and resonated with me was really just a phase after all. For over 4 years now, I’ve felt a deep connection with the alternative community (consists of grunge, Emo, etc). I feel more connected to people within this community, found many of my passions, and have never been more confident. I love everything from the style to the music to the beliefs. I’ve recently realized that I haven’t felt as passionate about the scene since last June, and that makes me anxious. I don’t expect to be like this all of my life, but I can’t lose that part of myself yet. It has meant so much to me and I would have no idea who I would be if that was taken away (I do have more to me but it affects my life so much). I’ve asked online (thanks Quora) and most just say it was a phase and I need to move on and grow up. I really don’t know. I’ve never felt upset about a chapter of my life being over but the idea of this one being over is upsetting. Due to all of this I’ve had a very deep nostalgia over the past, especially the past few years. I miss when I could feel, when I had passion, when I enjoyed talking and seeing friends and family and loved them with all my heart. It’s been a year and I don’t know what’s going to happen. I want to grow, but at the same time I can’t lose myself, or who I used to be. Sorry if this was a lot of ranting, I’m just lost and I don’t know what to do. Journaling has helped me and I was trying to be more active and productive which worked somewhat, but am having issues finding the motivation to do so anymore. I’m finally able to explore my hobbies (mostly music), which I used to cope in the past, and mentally I’m more into them, but I don’t feel the excitement in my heart like I used to. Same with my family. Has anyone felt the same and does anyone have any advice? Thank you :)

How can I (15) relieve hobby-related anxiety (and feel better during this pandemic)?

Anxiety Support / by convivialSea6241

April 7th, 2021

...See more TL;DR: I (15F) got so anxious last May that I lost all interest in all of my hobbies. Ever since then, I've been off and on getting back into them, but every time I get back into them, I’m scared to lose them again (which always happens). Some of them also can give me anxiety due to controversies and conditioning, which I can never get out of my brain. I always feel better when I have my interests, and they make up a big part of who I am (which I feel like I’ve lost). What can I do? ____________________________________________________________________ I’m really feeling hopeless. I’m kind of desperate, because I can’t keep doing this to myself for the rest of my life. I’ve always struggled with anxiety, but it’s gotten slightly worse since joining junior high back in 2017. It was starting to get better once I started to get my footing with friend groups and being more involved in life, but due to the pandemic isolating me from all my friends and the outside world, my anxiety has skyrocketed (and possibly developed into depression). I was doing okay at the start (March), even though I felt a little off, but once it hit May, I truly started to panic. All the time stuck inside with nothing to do gave me too much time to think, and I began to worry about every little thing. I had one event in May where I went completely numb for a week, and I was terrified. I felt nauseous, had headaches, could not stop crying, but I felt so empty (even when crying, I could feel tears rolling down but nothing in my chest). It left, and then it came back again a week later. Ever since mid June, I’ve been completely numb, disconnected, and tired. Because of this, I’ve lost all my interest in the things I loved— the things that kept me going at the beginning of the pandemic and the many years before that With my hobbies, I’ve been off and on getting back into them. Usually it’s one at a time, and I start to feel better, but then something comes up and I lose interest in them and start to feel very anxious. Because of this, I have accidentally conditioned myself to become anxious when I’m getting into my interests. The longest I’ve been into the majority of my hobbies has been a week, and that was a month or so ago. Before May I had no issues, really. I would do anything to go back to those times. I know I said I would do anything to fast forward during those times, but my god I was wrong. Now I’m terrified of the future, unhappy with the current, and longing for a past I cannot get back (and also sometimes worry about… ughhh). Also, and this is what’s probably holding me back the most, and I’m scared to say this because it sounds like such a teen girl issue, but some of the music artists that I love(d) and adore(d) have been drug through the dirt when it comes to controversies. Most of them aren’t too serious, but I’m often worried they’ll turn into something like that. The worst ones are just based off rumors, which I don’t want to believe but it bothers me sometimes. Though I obviously don’t know them personally, a part of me felt connected to some of them, especially the ones who also struggle with anxiety or have a similar thinking. I had a general respect and looked up to them, and I’m afraid that they’re nothing like they seem. This is what hits me the most, my anxiety has always been triggered by people ending up being nothing like they seemed. I’ve had some experience with this in the past, and even now Now that I’ve lost a large interest in my hobbies, I feel like I’ve lost a big part of myself. I was always proud that I knew who I was, and even though deep down I still want to be that kind of person, I don’t feel the same connection to that or myself as I did before. I’m worried I’ve just grown up, and that I might even be nothing like I thought I was. I guess for context, I am somewhat on the spectrum of the stereotypical “it’s not a phase, mom” kind of person. I wear all black, love alternative music, tend to have similar views found in the scene, and feel no need to change myself to fit in with the majority (no, I’m not like the Im Not LiKe ThE OtHer GiRls kind of person). Ever since late 2016-ish (when I started to go in that direction), I’ve felt a strong desire to become this alt, tough, yet nice woman, and I miss that desire. I've never felt so safe, even though these past few years have been rough anxiety-wise. Not feeling connected to myself (or anyone around me, which is worse) gives me so much anxiety I’m sitting here writing this feeling like I’m going to vomit. I’m tired, have a headache (possibly unrelated to anxiety, thanks wisdom teeth), and have lost interest in my hobbies and life in general. I feel like crying, but I’m too tired to cry. Nothing even happened really, I just got reminded that I’m probably going to get disinterested in my hobbies again, and then saw a controversy that I already knew about. I'm sorry if I sound dramatic, but I just thought I’d be better by now. I always thought that some event (whether it’s the start of summer, my birthday, my favorite season (fall), favorite holiday (Halloween), an end to something that’s been bugging me for 4 years(...), or starting to see family again) would help me get back up on my feet. None of it has worked, and I just get worse every time it passes. Now it’s spring break, and I feel like I’m going to have too much time to worry about this again. I'm worried that the end of the pandemic won’t even help. I’m so lost, if anyone could give me some advice that would be very appreciated Note: I’m unsure about therapy. I was going to start, but my parents seem like they’ll do anything before that

I

Anxiety Support / by convivialSea6241

September 1st, 2020

...See more TL;DR: So I made a post about about a week ago about these new feelings Ive been experiencing for this boy at school. Id feel joyful and carefree when thinking of him. Id have this sensation in my stomach and chest when he came to mind. He fit my physical and personality type. For many days now, I feel nothing or little to nothing when thinking of him. Ive had a rough week (my anxiety went nuts) and have lost a lot of feeling. Will I get it back? Why did I lose it? Im so confused _____________________________________________________________________________________ Im 15 and have never kissed, crushed on (well, before this), dated, been attracted to, etc. to anyone. Ive worried a lot about this. Ive felt broken because of it, so, during the last couple months (and the year), Ive been relieved that Ive started to have more interest in guys. I still worried about never having a crush. I started thinking more about it, and realized theres this boy at school who would cross my mind more than most people. Hed always catch my eye in the hallway. Id feel noticeably carefree and joyful when thinking of him. When I realized this last weekend, the sensations in my stomach and chest became stronger. I was nervous and confused at first (my anxiety over thought everything), but I grew to love the feeling. Id love when hed come to mind. It was great. Shortly after the weekend, I started feeling very anxious (thanks to school and... well... life) and hit a wall when it came to emotions. I felt like I didnt care about anything. I havent gotten out of this rut yet. Its not as bad, but its not... good. I still like him as a human being and think hes very cute, but the feelings arent as strong. I cant think about him for more than a couple seconds because all these different, anxious thoughts have contaminated my mind. I mean, Im okay if I never get to be with him. Slightly disappointed sure, but Id be too afraid to make a move anyways. I cant see anyone (especially him) ever even looking twice at me. I cant see myself dating anyone, really. Also, he is dating someone right now, so I wouldnt ruin that at all. Plus, if he showed interest in me now, while hes dating someone, just no... throw the whole guy away. Now, writing this, I dont feel completely empty, but the feelings are nowhere near as noticeable as they were before. Did I ruin it by overanalyzing my feelings at first? Did I push it too much? Im just really confused. I want the feeling back but Im afraid of forcing it. I'm very disappointed

I (15F) just recently started gaining interest back into my hobbies. Now I

Anxiety Support / by convivialSea6241

August 3rd, 2020

...See more TL;DR: Ive been struggling with keeping interest in my hobbies for the past month and a half. This is most likely because of my worsening mental and increase in anxiety. I started feeling a bit better and tried to get back into some of my fandoms. It was nice for a couple of hours, but then my favorite bands lead singers son was accused of sexual abuse. Then, a similar controversy popped up in another fandom of mine. A week later, almost all my fandoms are full of controversies and Im feeling extremely anxious again. _____________________________________________________________________________________ This is going to sound like such a teen girl problem, and it is, but its been causing me a lot of stress lately. Whenever I feel anxious or upset, I often flock to my hobbies. Music is my number one escape. Its been a large part of my life for going on 4 years now and I cant imagine my life without it. I play several instruments, always have some earbuds in, and am often researching it. This isnt my only hobby, but it takes about the majority of my interests. Within the past couple of months, Ive lost interest in all my hobbies including music. Sometimes the interest comes back, but normally, if it does come back, its just for a couple days. This is most likely caused by my worsening anxiety and mental health. Quarantine has been very rough for me. My lack of interest has been bothering me, but I started to get some interest back recently. I started with getting back onto social media, researching my favorite bands to see what I missed. The end of the tunnel was finally coming up. Hours later, a controversy popped up with my favorite band. This year has been really rough when it comes to controversies with them, but theyre all so minor and often due to managements fault, but this one was different. I felt super anxious after learning about it and havent been able to look at them the same since. I tried to ignore it, but I wasnt able to get it off my mind for about 5 days. I lost all interest in my hobbies again. I tried to sneak back into some of my other fandoms which I now regret. Of course, just my luck, my other two biggest fandoms (also bands) were also scrambling over controversies. None of them are about the members themselves, but instead relatives and friends. The thing is, if they allowed some of this stuff to happen (abuse, pedophilia, sexual assault, and, though more minor, sexism/racism/homophobia/etc.), its hard to respect them. I never thought I put my favorite musicians on pedestals. Yes, I do admire and respect them, but I dont see them as these godly beings or anything. Honestly, I like seeing facts that make them more human. And, yes, I do have standards for them, but theyre the same standards I have for everyone else (abuse, sexual assault/rape, cheating (not as bad as the others but still), murder, etc.). It doesnt matter if I know them personally or if I mostly see them through a screen, Ill be let down if they ever break any of my standards. Its been over a week since I found the first controversy and a couple days since Ive witnessed the others. Though they shouldnt affect my life, Ive worried and overanalyzed them to the point where I feel kind of empty once again. I dont feel as anxious about it (thanks to a couple of listeners) but it still lingers. I still cant see them the same. If someone would just say something clearing all of this it would be such a relief, but I dont see that happening anytime soon. Ive dedicated years to these guys and its hard just to throw it away— especially considering Ive looked up to them so much. It's difficult to erase every poster, flag, CD, t-shirt, autograph, concert ticket, and signature guitar from my life. Am I overreacting? Probably. I just dont know what to do. _____________________________________________________________________________________ I've explained some of the controveries that have been bothering me below. It's really long, I apologize, but it's nice to vent about them. I used fake names because, even though this is public knowledge now, the new controversies aren't that well known outside of the fan bases so I don't want to tarnish how you view any of these guys- especially if you happen to be a fan. Also, I know a lot of this will probably seem like nothing but it's odd for me... so... So, my favorite musician, Bill (false name), who Ive looked up to for over three years now, son was accused of sexual abuse of a minor last week. I dont know what Bill knew or if he was complicit but the thought of him knowing and not caring terrifies me. For decades, he has spoken out against sexual assault and abuse. He was a feminist before it was cool. So, if allowed all of this, I would be extremely disappointed. On top of this, someone mentioned him cheating on his wife. Ive heard this before and passed it off because most musicians have these rumors around them (even Paul and Linda, who are known for being faithful to each other). There wasnt any evidence outside of some song lyrics. When I looked into it further, I found someone on Tumblr claiming that they had a theory that was proven by someone connected to the band. They wouldnt say what it was on their main page, so I contacted them. They then told me that Bill and his wife are in an open marriage and they dont even love each other that much. She said that her friends best friend was told this by a bandmates ex-wife. I was extremely disappointed. Even though Im not normally bothered my open marriages (I dont understand them but its fine if someone chooses to be in one), this one really got to me. I had always seen this couple as a role model couple. Even though theyre in the rock and roll lifestyle, it was always said that they were monogamous and very, very in love. Bill mentions her every five seconds and looks at her in ways that are hard to fake. Ive heard rumors of an open marriage because hes bisexual (which, to be clear, doesnt automatically make someone polyamorous) and is affectionate with friends, but I always believed him when he said he was monogamous. This was a month ago. I forgot about it after I talked to someone about it (who had no idea who this person was to remove bias). Now Ive been reminded as this friend of hers has mentioned some more rumors. Supposedly, the wholesome family unit is actually very toxic. The family doesnt get together at all, which is also extremely surprising seeing how close they seem. Sure, no family is perfect but the user was hinting at physical fights. Thats kind of extreme. I talked to someone on a fan website and they happened to also know someone connected to the band. Her partner grew up with the band and, even though they arent super close, theyre still in contact. She said that even though he and his son havent been too close for the last couple years (the son grew up to be... not great), she hasnt seen anything hinting towards a toxic family unit. She said she doubts that theyre in an open marriage. A lot of the evidence towards the open marriage (rumored hook up with Winona Ryder, onstage relationship with bandmate, etc) isnt true or can be explained in other ways. She says that her partner hasnt seen anything that would indicate an open marriage. When it comes to the situation with his son, she said that Bill is completely heartbroken and didnt know. I want to believe her and I feel like shes telling the truth but my mind is so messed up right now that I dont know. She mentioned some other things that made me think its true. She mentioned him struggling with his mental health. Even though theres no proof to the public about this, I always had a gut feeling about it. At first, my gut feeling was that the ex-wife wasnt telling the truth but now I dont know... This happens a lot. I over-analyze my thoughts leaving me feel anxious and confused. Then, I have another musician who I admire, Steve (fake name, once again). His past has been problematic (questionable jokes on vine and some comments made on stage), but it seems like hes grown as a person. Hes, like Bill, very vocal about supporting minorities and has created his charity to support a group of them. A couple years ago, the touring guitarist was revealed to be very creepy to younger fans. He was kicked out immediately and hasnt had any contact with the band since. Now, two years later, the security guard and very close friend of Steve has been outed to do the same things. Along with this, people have brought up hundreds of tweets showing sexism, racism, homophobia, ableism, fatphobia, etc. and stories of him just being an incredibly disgusting human being. The ex-bassists wife came up saying she knew but had to silent about it so her husband could keep his job. I was extremely disappointed but gave Steve and the rest of the band the bee fit of the doubt. Thats until someone pulled up a video from about five years ago showing Steve making jokes about a nude wallpaper that this security guard/friend was creating with underage nudes. He has since changed, but its still disappointing to see. Im starting to worry that this change wasnt genuine and hes the same guy he was a decade ago (which, to be clear, isnt too bad but its still disappointing). Along with this, I found old posts about him being abusive to a long time (now ex) girlfriend. This was on MySpace and its been wiped from, the intent. Supposedly, as current fans say, the statement about rung a shove wasnt by the ex and the ex defends him saying it was all BS. Is that true? I dont know, but it hurts. Theres a bunch of other controversies but those are the main two that stick out. I always look for dirt on people before trying to Stan them but this was long before and of these controversies. I dont know what to believe, who to believe, but I know its going to be hard looking at some of these guys again.

I

Anxiety Support / by convivialSea6241

July 26th, 2020

...See more TL;DR: Since quarantine, Ive been off emotionally and mentally. Ive felt a little empty since the start, but I was still my old self (loving my hobbies, being able to laugh and smile, talking to friends). My anxiety has been really bad since mid-March and seems to get worse and worse each month. I worry about different things obsessively and am lucky to get a week or even a couple days off of worrying. During these past two months, Ive also been losing my interests. Id hate to lose them because I want to enjoy them and I did enjoy them before my anxiety got worse. Am I just growing up or is it related to anxiety? Also, how can I keep my interests and feel better? __________________________________________________________________________________ Im such a mess. Ive been struggling with my mental health since quarantine, but its gotten progressively worse since mid-May. Before May, looking back, I was doing pretty well. I was feeling a little empty and off but I still functioned like I normally would. It was actually pretty nice. But, since May, Ive had weeks where I cry every day and just worry about everything. I write about my worried to post or sometimes just to vent. Very rarely do I have a day where I feel joyful or even fine the entire day. Ive worried about so many things during quarantine I couldnt even name half of them. Its definitely had its consequences. My most recent discovery/worry is how Ive lost/Im losing my hobbies. Im not ready to lose them, and I dont think Im growing away from them yet, but I dont know what else to do. The most noticeable difference in interests is music. I love music, its the air that I breathe and the reason I live. I play a couple of instruments but mainly focus on guitar. I have my favorite bands who I absolutely adore. I love keeping up with them on social media, watching all their interviews, and listening to their music. I also like just learning about music in general. But, for the last month and a half, I havent enjoyed it as much. Its on the same rollercoaster as my anxiety. When my anxiety gets worse, my interest in hobbies decreases. Its obviously not my only hobby but its definitely the most noticeable. Its not that I hate them, its just not the same and I dont feel much of anything when doing the things I used to. Actually, before May, my interest in hobbies was thriving. Thats how I distracted myself from everything going on in the world. I was playing my guitar for hours (opposed to the dreadful 30 minutes now), listening to music 24/7, talking to friends, reconnecting with old friends, getting back into some old hobbies, and finding some new (smaller) ones. Obviously, things have changed. Ive had previous hobbies, obviously, some of which I dedicated years to. It wasnt an overnight thing then— it was a slow decline until I found something new that sparked my interest. I was able to acknowledge that I was losing interest and I was comfortable with it because I was bored with them and just didnt care anymore. Thats not the case with my current hobbies. I dont want to grow out of them yet. Theyre a big part of my life— I cant lose the reason I wake up every morning. I want to enjoy my hobbies. Its just different, but maybe Im in denial. Then there are things that really arent even hobbies. Ive been very easily entertained during quarantine. Im lucky to get out of my room, so doing a family puzzle sounds like heaven. For the record, Im not a fan of cleaning/organizing, but Ive looked forward to days my family organizes our cluttered house. Its that bad! But now I dont have any interest in that. I did a puzzle today and I was just bored and felt nothing. I was listening to my favorite radio station too, and just nothing. Its not just my hobby. Ive been struggling to keep up with friends, too. Like, I want to talk to them more but I just never have the energy or dont feel like it at the time. I've also had a lot of trouble focusing on stuff. Physically, Ive either been so antsy I twitch or moving so slowly that I shuffle to get places. Ive been having headaches every day (could be caused by my allergies). Emotionally Ive felt pretty empty most the time. Some days Im just crying and the next I feel nothing. Like, today, for example, my cat (who I love and adore even if I dont feel it right now) has been acting off, too. Shes ditched her routine, which I didnt think much about but my Mom is freaking out because thats what happened before her previous two cats passed. Shes still eating but not as much. My Mom ended up breaking down (shes had a horrible week, so has my Dad, thats probably rubbing off on me) in front of me and I felt nothing. I just stared. Normally Id be crying with her even if Im not sad, thats what I do around anyone thats crying, kind of like laughter. But today? Nothing. Obviously, Im terrified of anything happening to her in my mind but I dont feel that way, yknow? Its not like I've felt like this 24/7 since May but its been 95% of the time. I start to feel better for a couple days (little worry, smiley, talking to friends, into my hobbies), but then I start to worry about something new and itll start to fall quickly. Then Ill be in that hole for about a week or so and then Ill start to feel better and then get pushed back again. It also changes throughout the day. Today, for example, I felt super empty and then, for about an hour or two I tried to distract myself from everything going on and I started to feel a bit more clear. A little interest came back and I was going to text a friend. But, then, I opened social media and saw something thats been bothering me and now Im back here. So, anyway, is what Im feeling normal? Am I just growing up? Should I be worried? How can I regain interest in my hobbies (and just life in general)?

I feel like all my friends hate me. I want to invite them over but I

Anxiety Support / by convivialSea6241

July 8th, 2020

...See more TL;DR: I want to invite a group of friends over to hang out for my birthday but Im scared theyll decline or only one person show up. I have a group of friends that are trying to get together but we can never find a time. Also, I feel like all my friends hate me and dont want me around. Ive gotten really bad with texting during quarantine and have distanced myself from friends. They rarely text me first so its up to me and Im always scared to. I want to be closer and more involved but my anxiety wont let me. What do I do? My birthdays coming up and I dont know what to do. Normally I go on vacation with my family (parents) for a week to celebrate me and my Dads birthdays. I havent had a birthday party since I was really young (5-ish (Im going on 15 now). I look forward to the trip every year but Im missing out on it this year (because of coronavirus). My Mom suggested I invite a group of friends over. Weve been trying to get a date together but can never find a time where everyone can make it. I want to ask them to come over and hang out but I feel like it will get cancelled like everything else we try to do, or everyone will get busy. I have a feeling no one will show up and that terrifies me. I dont want a party with gifts or anything, I just want to see my friends I havent seen any of my friends since school closed in mid March. This has caused a huge hit on my mental health. I havent felt this bad in my life. I now worry about new things every week and its all I can think about. I mentioned this to my doctor and she told me to get together with friends, so here I am. The thing is I know and feel like the outcast of the group. Theyve all been friends for awhile, and I only know two people well in the group of seven. I was only invited to the group in the first place because they needed to fill an extra spot for the escape room (because another person was sick). This other person got well in time and the leader of the group texted me saying sorry I couldnt go. They fit me in anyway but I havent been able to shake that off. But I ended up going. It was the first time Ive hung out with anyone since I was in 6th grade and I loved it. I lost all my friends when I went to middle school (7/8) and havent recovered since. I joined a group I had nothing in common with and Id never talk to them. Even though I have friends now I still feel that they dont like me and are only with me for sympathy. They dont text first that often, which I hate because I often struggle to text first so Ill go weeks without talking to friends. Then, when I dont talk to them, I feel worse. Then I think Im boring with no personality so they hate me because of that. My anxiety has caused so much distress when it comes to my social life and I want to change. I promised myself Id text someone once a day at the start of July but then something happened to me and it messed me up a lot, so now Im moving it to later, but I need to do it now. I dont know what I should do. Do I text them? Do I bother trying to get together with friends? How do I stop thinking that my friends hate me? How do I build closer bonds with friends? I have so many questions, please help. Note: This is my first post so I apologize if Im doing something wrong

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