I Can't Calm My Brain
(sorry for the length!)
I have made a couple of posts before regarding my anxiety in my relationship. My boyfriend is beyond amazing- truly the nicest, most thoughtful and loving person I have ever met. My ex is the exact opposite, we were together for 3 years (lived together for 2) and one day he just didnt come home, and came home late/stopped communicating for a month afterwards until we broke up. He also brought out the worst in my anxiety, ive never experienced it as bad as when I was with him.
Whenever I am not staying over at my current boyfriends place, I feel panicked, like he is going to decide he wants to leave me or that hes fallen out of love with me. I find myself over analyzing EVERYTHING (we talk a little throughout the day on Messenger). If he isnt as talkative or doesnt reply for awhile I worry that hes annoyed or bored of me (though DEEP down I know hes likely busy, etc) I dont feel the need to talk to him all day long, and I truly am ok with not staying over at his every night (we both enjoy our own space as well) but though I appreciate my 'me' time, I also find myself in a blind panic that he is going to break up with me. I have never been this type of person before.
I used to be so confident before my ex- I would look forward to the odd night alone, never worried about my relationship, and was completely at ease and relaxed when we were apart. I hate this new un-confident me...I want the old me back :(
I find myself constantly going through the reasons I SHOULDNT feel like this, nice things my boyfriend has said recently, the fact that we are moving in together at the end of October, we are constantly talking about our future together, he can't wait for me to meet his parents (they live in a different country which is why I havent met them yet). When we are together he is funny and loving and affectionate- ALL THE TIME.
Someone gave me great advice a few weeks ago to talk to these thoughts like they are a child having a tantrum and I love that idea, but I find its not long lasting. I have no idea how to push the unnecessary negative thoughts out for good and prevent them from returning. Its driving me crazy and making me miserable. I should be so happy, I have every reason to be...but I cant seem to stop this panicked feeling I get when he's not around, it only goes away when I know I am going to see him that day. It shouldnt be like that, I dont WANT it to be like that :(
@Pixie13 Hello! Our past relationships can really bring down our self-esteem (especially those that did not end well) and make us think that we are not worthy enough to be loved and so we're having irrational fears. They can bug us and make us tired and irritated. Pixie13, you are worthy to be loved and your past relationships won't define you. Maybe, you can check this out: https://www.7cups.com/anxiety-help/. I think it will be really helpful with tools that you can apply. :)
@hopefulRainbows30 Thank you :) I am going to check out that link today!
@Pixie13 Sure! I really hope it helps. 
@Pixie13 I feel your pain. =( I've been posting about a similar situation. Up until a month or two ago, I was fine. I had some fears regarding being hurt again, but nothing like they've been lately. It's as if my brain is picking apart everything my boyfriend does. "Why didn't he use a heart emoji?" "Why's he taking so long to respond?" Silly things like that. And basically anything that he does that is different from how I want him to act is cause for alarm. It's like I need him to do certain things in order to reassure me, but he's a real person, so obviously he's not going to act 100% the way I'd like. I feel like it would be a bit better if it wasn't long distance and he could hug me and just tell me everything's fine, but he can't do that from eight hours away. =/
Before my first serious breakup, I did not have these problems at all. I didn't question our relationship every time something was "wrong." I didn't think he was ignoring me if he didn't text me back right away. But the breakup seemed to come out of nowhere, as did my most recent breakup. So we have two "surprise breakups" one right after the other. And I guess that's where my fear comes from. I'm terrified of it happening again. I'm not sure why these fears have been magnified so much recently, but it's not fun at all, as you know.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this, I know how difficult and terrible and painful it is. I hope that it settles down for both of us soon. <3
@sporkchop I am sorry you are going through something similar :( Hopefully we can both get through it soon!
