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TL;DR: Since quarantine, Ive been off emotionally and mentally. Ive felt a little empty since the start, but I was still my old self (loving my hobbies, being able to laugh and smile, talking to friends). My anxiety has been really bad since mid-March and seems to get worse and worse each month. I worry about different things obsessively and am lucky to get a week or even a couple days off of worrying. During these past two months, Ive also been losing my interests. Id hate to lose them because I want to enjoy them and I did enjoy them before my anxiety got worse. Am I just growing up or is it related to anxiety? Also, how can I keep my interests and feel better?
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Im such a mess. Ive been struggling with my mental health since quarantine, but its gotten progressively worse since mid-May. Before May, looking back, I was doing pretty well. I was feeling a little empty and off but I still functioned like I normally would. It was actually pretty nice. But, since May, Ive had weeks where I cry every day and just worry about everything. I write about my worried to post or sometimes just to vent. Very rarely do I have a day where I feel joyful or even fine the entire day. Ive worried about so many things during quarantine I couldnt even name half of them. Its definitely had its consequences. My most recent discovery/worry is how Ive lost/Im losing my hobbies. Im not ready to lose them, and I dont think Im growing away from them yet, but I dont know what else to do.

The most noticeable difference in interests is music. I love music, its the air that I breathe and the reason I live. I play a couple of instruments but mainly focus on guitar. I have my favorite bands who I absolutely adore. I love keeping up with them on social media, watching all their interviews, and listening to their music. I also like just learning about music in general. But, for the last month and a half, I havent enjoyed it as much. Its on the same rollercoaster as my anxiety. When my anxiety gets worse, my interest in hobbies decreases. Its obviously not my only hobby but its definitely the most noticeable. Its not that I hate them, its just not the same and I dont feel much of anything when doing the things I used to.

Actually, before May, my interest in hobbies was thriving. Thats how I distracted myself from everything going on in the world. I was playing my guitar for hours (opposed to the dreadful 30 minutes now), listening to music 24/7, talking to friends, reconnecting with old friends, getting back into some old hobbies, and finding some new (smaller) ones. Obviously, things have changed.

Ive had previous hobbies, obviously, some of which I dedicated years to. It wasnt an overnight thing then— it was a slow decline until I found something new that sparked my interest. I was able to acknowledge that I was losing interest and I was comfortable with it because I was bored with them and just didnt care anymore. Thats not the case with my current hobbies. I dont want to grow out of them yet. Theyre a big part of my life— I cant lose the reason I wake up every morning. I want to enjoy my hobbies. Its just different, but maybe Im in denial.

Then there are things that really arent even hobbies. Ive been very easily entertained during quarantine. Im lucky to get out of my room, so doing a family puzzle sounds like heaven. For the record, Im not a fan of cleaning/organizing, but Ive looked forward to days my family organizes our cluttered house. Its that bad! But now I dont have any interest in that. I did a puzzle today and I was just bored and felt nothing. I was listening to my favorite radio station too, and just nothing.

Its not just my hobby. Ive been struggling to keep up with friends, too. Like, I want to talk to them more but I just never have the energy or dont feel like it at the time. I've also had a lot of trouble focusing on stuff. Physically, Ive either been so antsy I twitch or moving so slowly that I shuffle to get places. Ive been having headaches every day (could be caused by my allergies). Emotionally Ive felt pretty empty most the time. Some days Im just crying and the next I feel nothing. Like, today, for example, my cat (who I love and adore even if I dont feel it right now) has been acting off, too. Shes ditched her routine, which I didnt think much about but my Mom is freaking out because thats what happened before her previous two cats passed. Shes still eating but not as much. My Mom ended up breaking down (shes had a horrible week, so has my Dad, thats probably rubbing off on me) in front of me and I felt nothing. I just stared. Normally Id be crying with her even if Im not sad, thats what I do around anyone thats crying, kind of like laughter. But today? Nothing. Obviously, Im terrified of anything happening to her in my mind but I dont feel that way, yknow?

Its not like I've felt like this 24/7 since May but its been 95% of the time. I start to feel better for a couple days (little worry, smiley, talking to friends, into my hobbies), but then I start to worry about something new and itll start to fall quickly. Then Ill be in that hole for about a week or so and then Ill start to feel better and then get pushed back again. It also changes throughout the day. Today, for example, I felt super empty and then, for about an hour or two I tried to distract myself from everything going on and I started to feel a bit more clear. A little interest came back and I was going to text a friend. But, then, I opened social media and saw something thats been bothering me and now Im back here.

So, anyway, is what Im feeling normal? Am I just growing up? Should I be worried? How can I regain interest in my hobbies (and just life in general)?