I am having constantly a lot of conflicting thoughts.
So my main problem is I spent most of my time glued to the computer or in isolation doing something to distract myself, like drawings, or 3d stuff. I isolate most of the day, I am not used to be alone with my thoughts, I tend to hide behind a screen. And i dont go out much, today, I went out cycling before going to meet my mom to have lunch with her. While cycling i am having a lot of flashbacks on always being rejected by women, and how much i am suffering, and how I am invisible or feel invisible, how I usually never talk to anyone, staying on my thoughts having very depressive thoughts. Like how the last time i went to a place were people were dancing in the beach and girls with bikini, i thought to myself having sex with a woman is something that will never happen, and me dating a woman is something that will never happen, i will always be rejected and i will always fail, there is no point in trying cause the more rejection the more depress i feel and the more suicide thoughts i get.
Feelings of rejection suck and I'm sorry you're going through this right know. My coping mechanisms to deal with rejection are a bit different and idk if they will work for you. I love writing. The worst thing I can do is when I try to push my thoughts down or distract myself with other stuff. I just let them come and I cry. Sounds stupid, but since I started doing this I dont feel as depressed. Dealing with rejection for me is a bit like grief! I also love walking and running when Im overwhelmed with thoughts. I imagine Im running from them. I know you like cycling, maybe you should start doing that more regularly. It could help. I know you like drawing and stuff maybe you should join a group/forum/discord online with people with the same hobbie. Although friends can be annoying sometimes, they help distract you. I'm sorry I didnt help much, but genuinely I hope youre okay and I wish you the best <3
@proactivePapaya9332 thanks so much. Yes i am on a couple of art discords, i go to the gym to go outside of my house, but sometimes i get bad thoughts when around women in the gym too, well lately and usually. When at home i watch movies a lot of times while doing arts, cause i try to make this a job, and it kinda stresses me out. Cycling well, if i were outside of the city it would be nice i think, but in the city its kinda annoying having to be so stress out having to deal with traffic. lately the time i sleep is very bad , i dont have a regular sleeping time, i think i should change this, working in the night or sleeping late is not very healthy for me, plus, just being around people stresses me out. i tried writting , i never continued it, maybe writting here from time to time could help me.
Well crying, not my thing, i kinda try to mute my emotions.
@okeyyyy at least i dont show them or try to not show them .