I am super weiird

I am socially awkward I mean I have a weird walk and a bad posture, I don't like being around people but I want to be around them, I'm not sure if that makes sense. its like I always feel uncomfortable when I am around people you know? I feel like I am on display, I keep on checking myself like is what I'm wearing okay or do I have a stain on me or am I smiling too much? I just feel really nervous when I am around people and I say the most awkward and cringe-worthy stuff around them because I just want to fit in or maybe make a friend or two. My awkwardness and my serious desire not to be always makes me feel jealous of people who pretty much normal or not like me. I also have these mood swings that really make me feel like nobody can really ever get me, which make me feel really lonely like my life just some sad pathetic life, I have trust issues and no one's really there for me and I always have this feeling like something bad's gonna happen its like I'm always on edge and I don't even know why I'm writing this long weird paragraph, maybe I just want to feel like someone does care to listen to what I say