I don't know how to feel right now
yesterday I was at work with an hour and a half left when my oldest son J called me from a high school he's not even a student in. I was perplexed bc he should have been home like almost two hours ago. He sounded very off, angry or upset and said I needed to pick him up. I told my manager I had a family emergency and went to pick him up. He was very agitated upset and short with me. He used to hang out with the wrong crowd hence why he wasn't enrolled in HS where he called from anymore. I asked him why the heck he wasn't at home where he was supposed to be? And he broke down crying telling me he wanted to go home to please take him home. I called my husband to let him know what was going on he was upset, angry bc our son has stolen from us in the past to buy weed. So he assumed this was that while situation all over again. As soon as we got home he went upstairs to his room but would not talk with me only cried. Well dh got home and walked him into our master bedroom and both asked me to leave the room. I was very upset and walked out into the back yard, sat under my lemon tree. Then my daughter gets home and asks for hw help which I am trying to do and idk how we ended up snapping at each other. Dh and J come down and they want to eat but they are both short with each other and with me and I feel like there's a vice on my chest. J eats quietly and they both avoid answering my questions and I'm trying to keep calm while my mother in law makes all of these horrible assumptions about J and I about lose it tuck the younger ones to bed early and I grabbed a bottle of Pinot Grigio and walk out to the back yard and ......I can't do it. I can't open it up drink it and I can't even cry at that moment either. Idk what kept me from downing that bottle. But I came back inside went to bed where dh was waiting for me and he tells me J isn't going to graduate. That is why he's been agitated and grumpy and upset. And I cry not so much bc of that but bc I thought there was something worse to hear. And dh misreads my reaction saying neither of us graduated and all I manage to say is why did he tell you and not me. His response was J was afraid to see my disappointment in him. I'm not disappointed per say bc there's other ways he can get a diploma or ged. And idc what my in laws say or think. But idk how to feel about all of this. Idk how to react about J's situation. About everything I feel sooo tired and at the same time wound sooo tight. I look at the bottle of wine and it disgusts me and even I don't know why or how to react to that
Hi @LPyMP I'm very sorry to hear about your awful day. It sounds like one of those days where there are fires to put out everywhere but you're holding just one bucket of water. No one has infinite resources to tackle so many problems all at once, we get overwhelmed. When we get overwhelmed, we cope the best we can with coping techniques that have worked for us in the past. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
The troubles you described are difficult and they need to be addressed - but they aren't dial-the-emergency-number kinds of problems and that's what you want to tell your anxiety before it can overwhelm you. Anxiety can cause our brains to go into fight/flight/freeze reaction when the situation is not one of immediate life or death. Some deep breathing can help slow this down and let the slower parts of your brain catch up so we can reflect on what's really going on.
Finally, taking care of yourself is as important as taking care of your children, you're relied upon so it's vital that you take some time to yourself to make space for the feelings that are going crazy inside you. If you don't give those feelings some space, they will be driving the you-mobile and that's a worse problem.
May you find some peace tonight.
Hope everyone is having a fantastic day! This is how I feel today!
@LPyMP
I can so relate to your note. I went through a similar situation with my younger daughter a few years ago. Her older sister is special needs and their Dad was heading to jail for 10 months for his 5th DUI, and I was left to handle EVERYTHING. I thought I would not make it, and I had more than one bottle od wine that I escsaped to. but i managed to hold things together to take the next step, and then the one after that, Younger daughter was accepted to the in town university, but she had anxiety attacks and hung out with the wrong crown and missed too many days to graduate with her honors class. It seemed like the end of the workd, since she had a high GPA.
So- I researched online high schools, and we did get her credits transferred. She still had to take their required courses, but she did that in a year. Then she enrolled in community college to get started, and later ransferred to that same school. By then, she had meds for her anxiety, developed new friends and she was ready. She loved school and became president of ner sorority.Out of 700 graduates, they chose her story ( along with 2 others) to profile as someone who beat the odds with " true grit". I never believed it would turn out that way, but Thanks Be to God -- she now has a terrific job and is happy and well adjusted.
Take heart and know that just one step is enough. Keep faith and i believe your miracle will happen too .I'll say a prayer.
@MusicCandy
you truly have no idea how MUCH I needed to hear or in this case read this. I know he's smart. He's teachers always used that Spider-Man line brilliant but lazy. Your story has given me hope that he'll find his way. Thank you musicCandy, for giving me yet another ray of hope to hold on to
@LPyMP
My goodness, I can only hope that there is some way to share when there was so much despair. I told my work friends from day to day ' I thought it couldn't get worse ,, And Then- It did. , and then again, ect. It was a long journey from there to here.A few lines from me are a small gift as others held up, so now I hold you and your son.
