I don't know what to call this.

Hi. This is kind of a long winded post. I apologize for it in advance.

I recently noticed a pattern in my life, and I was hoping someone here could provide some insights on it.

Just to give some backstory, I'm 22. I was a very bright student (one of the toppers) during my school days (till 7th/8th grade). After that, I slipped into depression (long story) and basically ended at the bottom of my class. I always wanted to be a doctor but as I didn't get enough marks for that, I ended up pursuing engineering. I did try to write the medical entrance exam in the first year, but I didn't get in. I have always hated engineering and now, since I was stuck, I was determined to do my best.

Ever since my third year, I have been focusing on getting better at my trade. So, that involved a lot of presentations (which involved a lot of travelling to nearby colleges), a lot of online courses for upskilling and a lot of participation in extra/co-curricular activities. I was also preparing for exams for Masters'. I was sleep deprived back then and was always stressed about something. But I felt like I had to achieve something to get a good job/to be successful.

Now, I'm 22. I am in a fairly good job with a decent salary. It feels like I've got a lead jacket on. I am always stressed about everything. I have a schedule for everything and have a nervous breakdown everytime something doesn't go according to my schedule. I am constantly worried about something, be it an exam for my studies or work at my office. It constantly feels like I've got a huge weight in my chest. I cannot go to sleep before 12 because I feel like I am wasting my productive time if I get sleep. I can't seem to relax because it always feels like I've got a lot to do and wasting my time. Even now, when I am writing this post, I feel like I am wasting my time by writing this, when I could be learning and upskilling myself. If I try to watch anything, I always find myself guilty of sitting down and watching something when I could be doing something else. I am so stressed and I am always tired and exhausted. I do have a close circle of friends to share, but they always start by telling me not to get stressed out. They call me if I am not feeling well, but I can't seem to speak about this verbally. I usually text them how I'm feeling and try my best to keep it a chat-based conversation because I can't bring myself to say any of this aloud.

I am beginning to think I have some anxiety disorder. Can you please clarify this? I am from a family where therapy is not accessible.