I don't know where to start
I ended my two-year relationship with my ex. I was very unhappy whenever her temper rises and that always happens. She disrespects me and gaslights but not very aware of her actions. I love her so much but I was unhappy. I knew i have to leave her. Then I did but came running back because I don't know how to be alone. I'm scared. I love her too. I'm so confused. She doesn't want me back because of my shortcomings too. I respect her decision and thank her for standing firm. I can't do that for myself. But every time, i came back and take my words again to beg her to accept me. It was so toxic and annoying. I couldn't stop. Until now I am confused. I never felt anger towards her despite everything she made me feel. I too was very shitty to her. My friends told me I should be mad because of the abuse, but i really don't know. I have a poor judgement. I just want things to end. I want to skip to the part that i am okay. Can someone help me?
If you are/were in love, then it makes sense that you wouldn't feel anger towards her. Most people generally don't want to hurt those they care about. It sounds like you're in a very confusing and painful time in your life. Sometimes even a toxic relationship can make us feel good some of the time. I wish I had some amazing advice to help you fix what you're dealing with, but I don't. I do have hope that with some soul searching, growth, and time, you will get back to a healthy and happy place. At the very least, I want to let you know that you are heard.
@CatCommander
@hopefulSun5573 Oops ignore my previous post because I accidentally sent it without typing! I wanted to say that I agree with you but it is also important to give ourselves time in this situation. We cannot rush this "grieving" process (in a way we are ending part of our lives when we leave a relationship and specifically abusive ones can feel a lot more difficult than normal), but we need these experiences to learn and grow. I am glad you are on here to discuss the struggles you are feeling and you are so strong for doing so.
I agree , been throught the same thing. It gets better with time and valueing yourself is important