I feel like a failure. Heavy anxiety.

I woke up an hour ago and became riddled with anxiety when pouring over thoughts about my work. Ive been reassigned to work in two areas where our company is failing and its causing me heavy anxiety at the moment.

That isnt all of it. My anxiety comes from working every day and hating my job. It comes from my four hours of commuting and being away from my wife and son (and one coming any day now). I havent even been able to spend time with my wife or my son or my son on the way because I work, commute long distances, and then travel on many weekends. Im missing these crucial years with my incredible son and Im lost.

I have so much fear and anxiety and I know Im not in the right place in my life. The anxiety I feel, in my opinion, is a testament to that. Its telling me Im in the wrong place. And, yet Im stuck.

I am 41 years old. I have a family to support. And, I cannot be happy in just any job. I am particular about the industry and I havent been able to find anything good for me. Ive been looking for other jobs. They either dont pay enough or are too far.

And, what I want most is to start my own business. But, I dont have working capital to do so. Im watching my life pass me by and bringing home my anxiety and sadness into my home where it may influence my children and I am desperate for a solution. I have started to ask God for help. I dont believe in God. I have started to reach out on here for help.

I need to begin my business, doing what I love.