I feel very bad with myself today

First of all, I want to apologize for my bad written English. You will understand that it is not my original language.

I am a senior nursing student, I graduated next year and discovered that caring for people is my passion.I feel that I need to go to a psychologist or a therapist, I feel that every time my life costs more and more. I had the habit of physically hurting myself a couple of years ago and more than once I thought of suicide as a resource.
The fact is that since I was out of work (I had to quit because I did not match with my classes at the university) I have felt more anxious every day, I have had new impulses to cut me, every time I find it more difficult to relate to others I feel that I am not a valuable person.
Honestly, I think the reason why I do not die is because I have a little sister that I love her with all my soul.
My grades have not dropped, they have actually gone up, because I hide my frustration between the books of surgery and pediatrics. I hope that, if I survive, I can one day study medicine.
My friends .. Ah .. when they realized my cuts in my arms stopped joining me, even though I loved them very much.
My mother has told me repeatedly that I have become useless, that my appearance is no longer beautiful as before and that I no longer serve for the things I did before. My father works outside the city and despite talking to him every day he always takes my mother's side. After they already damaged me and I can not resist anymore, I lock myself in my room to cry and then they come to tell me that they feel bad for seeing me like that and that they are not the culprits.
And maybe they are not, maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I'm ungrateful. Maybe I'm just occupying a space on earth that I do not deserve.

I need someone to listen to me. Or insult me. Or hug me. Lately I do not feel worthy of anything.
Thanks for taking your time to read this.