I have severe money anxiety
... but not about my own money. I am 18 and still live with my parents. I don't have a full time job currently, so my parents are still supporting me financially in some areas. They reassure constantly that I am not a burden and that they would not buy me things if they did not have the money to do so, but I cannot shake the thought that I am draining their bank account.
I don't ever ask for money unless it is an emergency expense that I cannot afford. I then stress over repaying my parents even if they insist that there is no need to repay them. My mother manages a small store and brings home clothing for me that she bought for $1-$5, and it takes everything I have to say thank you and not beg for her to return it. I cannot go grocery shopping with my parents due to the fear of them offering to buy a nonessential item for me.
I can see that it is illogical to think that I shouldn't expect my parents to feed and house me while I am trying to save up for an appartment and find a better job, but it seems impossible to stop these thoughts. I've worked with a therapist for quite some time to help me through this, but the immense guilt I feel keeps creeping back. Some days I even feel myself thinking about selling all of my possessions to repay my parents.
This probably seems ridiculous, but it is such a real and intense feeling for me.
@gentleLychee7445 Did you grow up poor? Or did your parents just raise you financially and make sure you were fed, withholding emotional support? I can relate to you to an extent. As I got to your age, I began to feel guilty depending on my mother, regardless she wasn't struggling so much for money. I yearned for total independence. Now I am 33 and I figured out why. My mother clothed, fed, and gave me a place to live, but she wasn't a very nurturing mother. That's where the guilt came in. On the other hand, my husband grew up poor. He grew up wanting independence also b/c he didn't want to be poor forever like his parents. Now at 42, he has his own business and is doing well, but still feels guilty when siblings call b/c history can repeat itself. Most of his siblings didn't bother doing better. They followed in the footsteps of their parents. You are still very young! Whatever guilt that is lurking in your subconscious you should just let it go or confront it now before you get my age and have it haunt you. :)
@gentleLychee7445
I agree with TransAm85, explore the deeper reasons, it could be one of those mentioned. To add, if they are saying that you are not a burden and/or want to buy you things (essential or non-), at some point you have to believe them. If they are saying it's hard, then I hope you find a job, and that may help you with your guilt (but don't over-work to alleviate the guilt either).
Look at the bigger picture also also- do they buy non-essential things, and/or go on vacations or attend events? If they are buying those things for themselves, then perhaps they are doing better than you think, and you really aren't a burden to them.
Since you are an adult, in exchange for rent and hopefully to alleviate guilt, you can make sure you're doing your share of household chores, as you would need to do with any roommate. Make sure you are cleaning up after yourself in all areas of the house, plus do more like vacuum, offer to do more laundry than just your own, etc. If you're already doing all this- that's great, you are a good roommate!
