I know life isn't meant to be easy, but.....

I am Shirley. I am a stay at home mother with two grown children. One is out in the world and the other working out of town with my husband and college, but still lives at home. They are both successful and wonderful children. A mother's delight! My husband works out of town and I am home alone most of the time which is not always a bad thing! I enjoy my quiet time, but sometimes it does get lonely. This last year we built a brand new house and excitement was in the air. We were going to be moving closer to my husbands employment and start a new life. Things fell apart 3 days before we were to move and we lost the house. We are still hopeful, but life has become a crazy roller coaster ride of ups and downs that are extreme. My anxiety is the worst it has ever been. I don't know from one day to the next what to look forward to....good news, bad news? I sometimes don't want to crawl out of bed because I don't want the day to begin! It has been like this for at least 5 months now. I worry all the time. I have friends who support me, but not sure they understand what is going on inside of me. My emotions are crazy. One minute I can be laughing and having fun, then the next I feel like crying. I try to put on a brave appearance for my family, but it is taxing on me. I try to talk to my husband, but he gets defensive and doesn't want to talk "emotions". He told me that we really aren't cut out to share emotions any more. After 35 years of marriage I think that really hurt me. I understand that he doesn't "get it". So, I don't talk. I keep it all in and feel like a failure, pessimist, worry wart....I honestly don't know what to do to be happy being me any more. I really do have a good life...just not sure where happiness fits in it any more. It seems to just be all stress and deadlines and worries....I don't know what to do! I love my family with all my heart and don't want to bother them with my fears and worries and anxiety and, and, and. I have gone on chat sites just to talk to people...but my eyes were sadly opened to a world of chat I did not expect! :/ I did make a couple of friends though online and they help me to smile, but not really sure they understand what I need. Honestly, I'm not sure what I need!! It is complicated. Anyway...that is a short synopsis of what I am experiencing at this moment in time. Anxiety has taken control and I just need ideas to curb it from those who might actually understand. I'm not sure how to use this site...but am willing to learn.