I'm stressed about the decisions I've created in my head! Stuck with where I want to go in life and have so much on the line now.

I just want to start by saying I feel incredibly quilty for feeling this way.

I'm not happy in my job and life in general. I am in a long term relationship of 4 years, have a mortgage (of 35 years), puppy, full time job and am 21.

I feel like I have settled really quickly and not got to expereience life alone but another side of me loves that I have someone to expereince life with but I can't stop questioning if its what I want forever. I am also struggling with being bisexual and wanting to explore that but I feel it's super selfish of me to even consider that since I'm so deep into my relationship.

It's 2am for me right now and I'm just spilling my thoughts out. But these have been causing me so so much stress, anxiety and am always on the edge of tears.

I spoke with my boyfriend about me no longer feeling a spark in the hopes he felt the same way so it would be eaiser but he doesnt feel the same way, he's so in love with me. i feel so so guilty and terrible for thinking this way when I have someone that loves me so much.

He brokedown into tears (I've never seem him cry this way before) and we justified my feelings by blaming it on lockdown and prior to lockdown we were saving fo the house so havent been able to do the things we done at the start of the relatonship. I'm not sure thats the way I feel but it very well might be.

I said that I'm not sure how I can fix me and I don't know how, I just want to be fixed and normal. I told him that I'm not sure the best way to go about things as I dont want to be a few years down the line with kids and be feeling the same way. He said he would rather try and experience those few years with me than not with me at all.

It's all just so confusing, I feel like I'm at a crossroad in my life with lots on the line.

Not sure what I want from this but thanks if you have read this far.