Is it okay-okay or not-at-all-okay?

So, im having nervous breakdown every night.

All I found online is that we seek triggers out and it helps us to relive some traumas in order to heal. Because it's part of my job I read a lot about socializing issues and depression (main resourses of my life-long guilt and shame). It's all fine at daytime, most of the time I have energy at least to get out by bed and work for an hour or so (and eat).

But at night it all backfires and a lot of forgotten stuff pop up to my mind.

I thought it's ok - this is healing

But that goes non-stop for about two months now and I have a strong feeling it's getting worse. Uncontrolable crying extended from several minutes to three hours now. I usually don't sleep all night, or at all, sometimes sleep too much (for about a year now). I have sleeping pills, it makes my mind blank but doesn't stop the night breakdowns.

I tried to reach out to a therapist, but there's none in my country and online services are against me - sending me hotline numbers or giving errors when I try to register/pay for a free counseling.

I have a lot of anxiety about my carrier as well. I've been isolated from outside world for 5 months and haven't spoke to a single soul. My only online friends had a fight.

I found a club I might meet new people but I skipped both meetings as soon as I agreed to come. It takes three hours to get to the downtown and I can't imagine me changing three kinds of a public trasnport to get there without built-up social anxiety.