It's eating me from inside.

Hello, @Sweetcookie

I'm so sorry to hear your anxiety story is so sad and troubling. 20 years is indeed a long time and altough we all learn that anxiety doesn't go away and we just need to accept it and learn to live with it the perspective of it really never going away can get so scary and bittersweet sometimes.. Especially when, as in your case, has had a serious impact on relationships and the pursuit of our dreams.

There's not much I can say except for asking you to please stay strong, don't lose faith and take care of yourself. :)

I'm sorry anxiety plays such a huge part in your life. You are stronger than you think, just by fighting the anxiety every day and not giving up. I hope life will reward you for being brave. You deserve (untainted) happiness.

@Sweetcookie

Welcome to the community, Sweetcookie! Thank you for sharing with us. While it is true that we all experience some forms of anxiety now and again, it is a more serious matter when it starts affecting our lives. I'm not sure that what @cloudtraveler said is necessarily true, that anxiety never goes away in that sense. We can learn to cope with our anxiety and learn some alternatives to the type of thinking that brings about that anxiety for example. I'm sorry to hear that this is something you have been battling for 20 years and that it has affected your relationship. I think one of the 7 cups self-help guides would be a really helpful way to try to learn some of the strategies I am referring to. If you want to give it a shot, here's the link https://www.7cups.com/anxiety-help/

Just remember, you are not alone and we are here for you. If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me some time :) !

@Sweetcookie

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I am going to keep you in my prayers that peace comes to you.