Lonely and guilty about it
My biggest problem right now is that Ive recently started life at uni and Im feeling so lonely. Im far away from home too-in a different country, so naturally I get homesick often. I cant complain about adjusting in life here, I dont mind the lectures and studying, I enjoy cooking and I dont mind household chores...in fact im a generally introverted person so I enjoy much of this time alone and I seek to spend most of my days on my own. But this has started to worry me. I feel guilty for not having the full university experiece everyone keeps talking about but I just dont feel that Ive found someone to call a friend to share all these with. I dont feel trully comfortable with anyone, not a single soul I can say we share the same interests and way of thinking. I keep seeing posts and stories of my friends from home at other towns/countries and they all seem so happy and to have found at least a close friend. Especially on a friday night all the stories consist of clubing or large parties or just being somewhere else, but together and happy. And I feel so lonely. I want that connection too. Please dont tell me to socialize as I have t ried to and as an introverted person (not necessarily shy, Im pretty confident most of the time) I did my best. The people I met however dont make me feel complete and so I dont seek to spend time with them and I end up spending much time in my room while the majority of people I know are having fun and living life to the fullest. Im starting to feel desperate; am I not going to meet someone to become friends with? It seems that everyone is moving forward and Im stuck in my loneliness.
@Artistickiddo55
Hellow there!
I'm sorry to hear this :'( I understand what is it like to be an introvert as I am one myself. You can make memorial things by yourself too! Like achieving things on your own!
No I'm not gonna tell you to socialize more because I understand how hard it is to find the right friend XD. Well, perhaps you're feeling guilty about this because you feel like you're not experiencing enough in university (that's what I thought while reading your story). I hope you're feeling well now though!
@Artistickiddo55
I am at uni and I feel something similar, although I somewhat lucky to find friends eventhough our friendship isn't that deep.
I would advise to forget that uni experience everyone talks about because in most cases is a fantasy of TV. Also maybe your second year goes better a did mine. Just make sure not to talk only to people fron your degree and be open to plans and suggestions. Maybe even organize some, being introverted for me that has been hard as hell but sometimes they turn out fine. You can always hung up on the park or do a movie night.
I think that you shouldn't be looking for a friend who just gets you all the time and is perfect, because friendship is someghing you have to build together and you can't reach that state without the first akward one.
Good luck!
Pd: Maybe try to look into clubs from the uni that interest you because there are more chances of finding people with the same hobbies.
Hi, I'm really sorry you're going through this. How long have you been at university for now? It sounds like you are going through a big transition, and it's tough when you don't have a lot of people to lean on or connect with.
I'd like to say that joining clubs and doing social acitivities will help you meet more people, but if you're an introvert, it can be kind of daunting and exhausting to put yourself into those situations without any kind of guarantee that you'll get anything back from them. If you're up for it, I would say try attending events and places where you aren't being forced to 'socialize' but you will be around people; go see a play that the theatre department/club is putting on, or a musical performance, see if there is a famer's market nearby, art gallery, etc. If you meet some cool people - great! If you don't - also great! You tried a new thing and got to know your new home a little better. It can also be really comforting to be a regular somewhere, so if there are any restaurants or coffeeshops to explore, I'd say to start there too.
The other thing I would suggest for you to try - if you are really enjoying your studies and are comfortable with it - is looking up the professors, instructors, and TAs at your school who have research interests that are similar to yours or that you think are interesting. It might seem weird to reach out to someone with an email that says, "Hey, I read about your work online and it really interested me. Could I come by during your office hours to talk to you about it some more?", but most people will be flattered and like to talk about themselves, and help out students who are new to the school. Even if they don't end up being your best friends, people in these positions might be able to connect you with others/to cool projects that you can be a part of.
University can be really amazing experience to help you grow in all kinds of ways, and it doesn't have to look like a big party or match your friends' experiences.
