Lost in my head

I have had my life get overly stressed to the point that I have been on the border of a breakdown. I was married for nearly 10 years, the past 3-4 years were not very happy. I met up with an ex and love sparked up. I never cheated until that time. She and I started a relationship and it was great until I had one of my anxiety issues. I pushed her away and hurt her.

Her friends signed her up on a dating website without her permission. She deleted it but did talk to one guy. She kept it just talk and he knew all about me. They accidentally met at a gas station one day. After that they would hang out on occasion and with me pushing her away eventually dates. Nothing happened beyond an awkward kiss. I finally got myself under control and confessed I was ready and push for it all. She thought I was jealous and just didnt want her to be with anyone. I eventually said i was so wrong, I loved her and it they had sex it would destroy me. Less than a 5% chance Id be able to make a relationship work. She felt pressure and disappeared for a bit. I was able to eventually show her how serious I was and we started dating officially. She had a hard time making a choice early but eventually realized he was a dick. She said they had sex once but it was thought to be before my 5% talk. It hurt me a lot but I swallowed and buried it.