Might have been ghosted by my bf

TW: Abandonment, Not Eating

I fell in love with a man online. He's a small time streamer and we met when I joined his stream and social media platform. We hit it off immediately and became best friends. Eventually he DM'ed me and we started talking privately. We are both 25, but he lives in Egypt and I'm in America.

Regardless, we literally talked every single day for hours on end. Months went by and I'd check my phone every morning because I knew he'd be there waiting for me to wake up. We'd talk on the phone all the time and stream movies and shows for each other. We got to know each other's deepest and most personal parts of each other's lives. And we were always there for each other.

I fell in love along the way and he did too. He confessed to me first by saying "I'm starting to be attracted to you and wanting more of you". He could always see right through me and basically read my mind. He understood me completely and he'd always make my heart race. I was hesitant to be in a long distance relationship though. It was a few weeks later we became official. He knew I was in love with him before I could even admit it to myself.

We have been dating for several months now. But last weekend he disappeared. We'd always talk everyday, but when a single day went by with nothing I become worried. Then another day passed and another. He just wasn't there anymore. It's been almost a week and I can't contact him anywhere. I'm not blocked and my calls ring fully without being declined. He's just disappeared.

I started looking online for clues and found out a 5 story building collapsed and killed 6 people in his city the same day he disappeared. I know he lived in the 4th story of an apartment, but not sure where exactly. The identities of the victims aren't public. I have no way of knowing if it was him...

And it's just been killing me inside. I can't explain how much and how hard I've been crying since I read that article. I can't explain how much I miss him. He's always been there and what I looked forward to the most every day. Now I'm reminded how alone I am without him. My mind is jumping to all these conclusions and I'm shaking. I feel like my heart has been ripped open. I can't eat, I just feel so sick inside. I only had a tomato sandwich yesterday because my roommate forced me to. I haven't eaten anything since. My heart is racing and I feel so scared that I've lost him forever, that a beautiful soul may be gone from this world. I feel like I'm falling apart. I hope he just ghosted me and that he's still okay.... I'd rather he abandoned me than to believe he's dead. I can handle that much easier. But not knowing and considering all the possibilities is giving me panic attacks. I feel like I can't breathe.... I just want to know he's safe....