My nearly daily nightmare...

Feeling alone. Feeling lonely. BEING alone and lonely.

It's that oppressive, painful, cold feeling in the pit of my stomach and the black hole inside my chest cavity.

It takes away my breath and makes my heart beat painfully in my chest.

I want to cry, but I can't. It seems physically impossible. And I don't want to live in this hell, but I don't really want to die either.

But in these moments, that seems like the only option.

And this thing... It doesn't go away. It STICKS to me like a tumor, a cancer.

There's nothing I can do to help it. Except go to sleep. Atleast then I'll get few hours away from the horror and pain.

And you know what... Being around people just makes it worse. Because they have these relationships, and I do not, and I am not a part of their lives in any manner, but for a very fleeting moment.

I NEED to be touched, I NEED to touch someone. I NEED to be loved and I NEED to love someone.

But there is no-one. Not for me, anyway.