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My relationship anxiety😔

User Profile: RxQueen92
RxQueen92 July 23rd, 2019

Hi, so this is my first time posting here and since I might find someone here who might relate to my situation I thought Id give it a shot.

Im 26 years old and even though I was diagnosed with anxiety 6 years ago, I have never experienced relationship anxiety. Im not very experienced in relationships and usually when I liked someone I ended up being ghosted etc. So because of that and the fact that I didnt want to leave the house or deal with people I sort of gave up looking for someone. Instead I kept myself busy at home with my hobby which is online gaming. Yes, there are people in online gaming but I didnt have to deal with them directly and it didnt bother me because I really enjoy gaming and you can always mute a salty player.

I was playing one night and I met a guy (who is now my fiancé). We started playing together and speaking and we really liked each other and eventually we met. He didnt live close to me and had to take a bus trip but we met and we instantly liked each other and even though I had the fear of being ghosted, I wanted to take this chance because I really liked him. Anyway, he visited me a couple of times and I visited him. Eventually he decided to relocate and he came to live with me. Im still living with my mom and he was unemployed and looking for a job and everything was great. I didnt have any anxiety or doubts or bad feelings until he found a job.

He started working as a sales representative and everything was great and I was glad for him since he likes it but thats also where the anxiety started to set in. At first I started getting anxious and jealous because of the girls he was working with even though clearly he didnt have any interest in them. He had to keep reassuring me that he doesnt like them and couldnt stand them. It always made me feel better but recently its been getting worse, not because of the girls but because of the thoughts that comes into my mind and feelings that I get. I keep thinking about what he is doing and if he doesnt respond to my texts my mind jumps to the worst – that he is seeing someone else and the feeling that I get when this happens is the worst. It feels like my heart is sinking and as if Im dying inside and even if the thoughts doesnt make sense, I cant rationalize them. To me the thoughts I get is reality and we have been fighting a lot because of it and he probably reassured me a 1000 times and told me how Im thinking doesnt make sense since he relocated for me and asked me to marry him and I know he is not that type but it doesnt stop the thoughts. I am constantly worried that he is being unfaithful or that he is lying to me and the thoughts and feelings consumes me and I instantly become upset and depressed and being a straight forward person I tell him exactly what I think he is up to and thats where the fights starts. My mind always thinks the worst instead of thinking of any other possibilities and once the thoughts comes up, it doesnt stop until once again my fiancé reassures me. It feels like I cant distinguish whether my feelings are because of the anxiety or if its a gut feeling. I know I need help because I dont want my relationship to fail because of my anxiety.

Sorry for the long post

xx

2
User Profile: calmPaul281
calmPaul281 July 23rd, 2019

@RxQueen92

Hi Welcome to 7 cups. And well done for having the courage to post and to put it all out there so to speak.

I hear your pain and it sounds like this situation is really tough for you.

The insecurity that you have around this relationship now that he has started working, might sound a silly question,but is this normal for you? Is there a sense of here I go again? Or have I got this wrong?

I wonder why you thoughts are doubting his committment to you?

I am a verified listener here and would be more than happy to chat to you directly about this if you think it would help. If you do please message me and we'll sort a time out.

take care
paul

1 reply
User Profile: RxQueen92
RxQueen92 OP July 24th, 2019

@calmPaul281 Hi Paul. Thank you for the response. No, it's not a sense of here I go again as I have never felt over anyone as I feel over him and he has never really given me reason to really feel like this. He doesn't work late and the only times when we are not together is when we are working and even though he is with me most of the time I still get feelings and thoughts about him cheating on me and I would get a feeling as if he already broke my heart.

We would sit and talk it out almost every night and I would feel okay but during the day these thoughts and feelings consumes me.

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