My skin is too tight for my body

My first panic attack was when I was 12, and my mother told me that I should suck it up and get in the car with my step-dad and step-brothers who were the reason I was having the attack. I started having more when I was 16 and had started dating my first serious boyfriend, who I would call in moments of crisis and he told me that he didn't like to think about me like that and would stop talking to me until I calmed down.

I haven't had panic attacks for over a year now. But I'm currently in lockdown with my boyfriend, and I think the constant seeing each other is making me overthink the way he acts and says things. And I know I'm being paranoid for no reason, but I just can't help but selfSabatoge. I have a fear of being abandoned and I'm letting that begin to ruin my relationship which is only making my panic attacks and paranoia worse. I feel so alone and helpless and like if I go to him about how I'm feeling it will just continue to push him away.

my panic attacks had become so frequent that I don't realize I'm having them anymore until I try to follow meditation breathing. I physically feel like my skin is tight, as if it's constricting my movement and my breathing. As if it's squeezing tears out of my body, but that's ridiculous because my paranoia hasn't allowed me to drink or keep any food down for what feels like days. I want to claw my way out of my skin but I just keep screaming, but I only scream when I'm alone so I do it in the middle of the night in another room so no one will hear me. I don't understand why my body reacts this way to simple things that aren't anything, but I can't seem to help myself.